becausethenight
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Does anyone have any tips/advice/reassurance around being non-binary and out at university?

I was all excited about going to uni, getting to be out in day-to-day life, filling in all the forms to state my gender... but now it's getting closer I am honestly realising that I'm sort of terrified. I had gotten a pronoun badge ect but it's hit me now that being so open might mean a lot of overt and non-overt discrimination and possibly abuse. I'm especially worried about reactions from staff. I don't want to go back into the closet, but I'm not sure what to expect from being out and if I can cope!

I don't know any other non-binary people well at all, and I have no one to ask about their experiences or what to do, so - help?

It also doesn't help that I was looking into gender specific counselling outside uni and have been told by older students that 'you can't possibly make a regular commitment outside the course/uni life, you won't have time' (it's Medicine so I believe them). I was really hopeful for counselling and I'm not really sure where to access support now as my uni has no queer/gender specific counselling support.

Sorry for the overshare and thanks :hugs: And please do trigger warn any posts and use spoilers if necessary!
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hajima
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'Pronoun badge'...
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ROTL94
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I don't even know what that means and I think that's the reaction you're going to get from the majority, so shouldn't be a massive issue.
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morningstar461
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Does anyone have any tips/advice/reassurance around being non-binary and out at university?

I was all excited about going to uni, getting to be out in day-to-day life, filling in all the forms to state my gender... but now it's getting closer I am honestly realising that I'm sort of terrified. I had gotten a pronoun badge ect but it's hit me now that being so open might mean a lot of overt and non-overt discrimination and possibly abuse. I'm especially worried about reactions from staff. I don't want to go back into the closet, but I'm not sure what to expect from being out and if I can cope!

I don't know any other non-binary people well at all, and I have no one to ask about their experiences or what to do, so - help?

It also doesn't help that I was looking into gender specific counselling outside uni and have been told by older students that 'you can't possibly make a regular commitment outside the course/uni life, you won't have time' (it's Medicine so I believe them). I was really hopeful for counselling and I'm not really sure where to access support now as my uni has no queer/gender specific counselling support.

Sorry for the overshare and thanks :hugs: And please do trigger warn any posts and use spoilers if necessary!
I'm out as nonbinary at uni and honestly most people don't notice or pay attention, which could be either positive or negative depending on the situation and how you feel. I mostly go by they/them pronouns but don't mind he/him and wore a pronoun badge for the first few weeks and literally only 3 people have used they/them for me and one of them is nonbinary themself. Most people just treat me as male and use he/him for me (which I'm fine with personally - I just don't want to be treated as female) so you might need to actually talk to people about pronouns rather than just wearing a badge because people don't tend to notice/care.

This is kind of a ramble and I'm not sure if I've really answered your questions so feel free to ask me more
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noah 123
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Does anyone have any tips/advice/reassurance around being non-binary and out at university?

I was all excited about going to uni, getting to be out in day-to-day life, filling in all the forms to state my gender... but now it's getting closer I am honestly realising that I'm sort of terrified. I had gotten a pronoun badge ect but it's hit me now that being so open might mean a lot of overt and non-overt discrimination and possibly abuse. I'm especially worried about reactions from staff. I don't want to go back into the closet, but I'm not sure what to expect from being out and if I can cope!

I don't know any other non-binary people well at all, and I have no one to ask about their experiences or what to do, so - help?

It also doesn't help that I was looking into gender specific counselling outside uni and have been told by older students that 'you can't possibly make a regular commitment outside the course/uni life, you won't have time' (it's Medicine so I believe them). I was really hopeful for counselling and I'm not really sure where to access support now as my uni has no queer/gender specific counselling support.

Sorry for the overshare and thanks :hugs: And please do trigger warn any posts and use spoilers if necessary!
Hi, I hope you can be more confident about being out at uni. I think it really depends where you're going and who you surround yourself with as to how comfortable you'll feel.

on the counselling thing, have you spoked to Off The Record? I don't know if they would have a base where you're going but if they do then that's a great option! they often have LGBTQ+ specific counsellors and they're usually quite flexible and offer online as well as in person stuff (and its free!).

hope everything goes well for you!
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stereotypeasian
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would something like this interest you and/or maybe help you https://gladd.co.uk/index.php
:hugs:
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becausethenight
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(Original post by morningstar461)
I'm out as nonbinary at uni and honestly most people don't notice or pay attention, which could be either positive or negative depending on the situation and how you feel. I mostly go by they/them pronouns but don't mind he/him and wore a pronoun badge for the first few weeks and literally only 3 people have used they/them for me and one of them is nonbinary themself. Most people just treat me as male and use he/him for me (which I'm fine with personally - I just don't want to be treated as female) so you might need to actually talk to people about pronouns rather than just wearing a badge because people don't tend to notice/care.

This is kind of a ramble and I'm not sure if I've really answered your questions so feel free to ask me more
Thank you for responding - it's honestly just a relief to know that there are other out students out there if that makes any sense So really thank you :hugs:

I get what you mean about not noticing being a positive and a negative; I feel like I've got a long way to go with figuring out how much I want to balance being in people's faces about it asking for pronouns etc and how much that's just exhausting and antagonistic. I am going to be read as female/a woman if I don't ask for stuff (sadly - pretty sure even if I started binding that would happen), but it's getting the balance I guess. Obviously I don't just want to be giving everyone I meet a pronoun lecture but it also sucks that otherwise I'm not likely to be read as non-binary. Any tips/stories on how you navigated that? Is it 'worth it' to bring it up with peers generally or just with friends?

Also just wondering if your uni allows you to choose a preferred name and pronouns, and if so how good staff are with that (currently stating a preferred name, which is just a shortening of my name that I use all the time anyway, has lead to all my correspondence reading as NAME (PREFERRED NAME) which is just irritating). Have you had any negative reactions from staff from seeing stuff on the system or is it just not a thing?

Thank you so much again
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becausethenight
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(Original post by noah 123)
Hi, I hope you can be more confident about being out at uni. I think it really depends where you're going and who you surround yourself with as to how comfortable you'll feel.

on the counselling thing, have you spoked to Off The Record? I don't know if they would have a base where you're going but if they do then that's a great option! they often have LGBTQ+ specific counsellors and they're usually quite flexible and offer online as well as in person stuff (and its free!).

hope everything goes well for you!
Thank you, that's really kind :hugs:

Off The Record looks great but it's based in Croydon where I am not Thank you though, they have a great list of LGBT+ support avaliable in London! At the moment I'm just unsure if I will actually be able to balance any kind of counselling with my uni studies :/ We don't have a regular timetable so I suspect it will be a nightmare, but I'm glad to know where to look when I have more idea what's going on

Hope everything goes well for you too!
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becausethenight
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(Original post by stereotypeasian)
would something like this interest you and/or maybe help you https://gladd.co.uk/index.php
:hugs:
Oh my word, this looks perfect! I had no idea this existed at all (grumble grumble we have medics' hockey but no queer medics soc grumble grumble) and this looks exactly like what I'd be looking for. Not ashamed to say it makes me emotional!

Right, let me sign up for student membership Plus "Student members can also benefit from our dedicated mentoring scheme, which will be relaunched in the coming year. Upon joining a qualified GLADD member will be matched to you based on your interests and career plans with a view to providing support and answering your questions. Don't worry if you're not sure what you want to speciliase in yet! All our mentors are happy to help out whatever way they can. ", wonderful :hugs:

Also, good to see you're back! Hope all went OK on results day etc? (PM if you want )
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morningstar461
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Thank you for responding - it's honestly just a relief to know that there are other out students out there if that makes any sense So really thank you :hugs:

I get what you mean about not noticing being a positive and a negative; I feel like I've got a long way to go with figuring out how much I want to balance being in people's faces about it asking for pronouns etc and how much that's just exhausting and antagonistic. I am going to be read as female/a woman if I don't ask for stuff (sadly - pretty sure even if I started binding that would happen), but it's getting the balance I guess. Obviously I don't just want to be giving everyone I meet a pronoun lecture but it also sucks that otherwise I'm not likely to be read as non-binary. Any tips/stories on how you navigated that? Is it 'worth it' to bring it up with peers generally or just with friends?

Also just wondering if your uni allows you to choose a preferred name and pronouns, and if so how good staff are with that (currently stating a preferred name, which is just a shortening of my name that I use all the time anyway, has lead to all my correspondence reading as NAME (PREFERRED NAME) which is just irritating). Have you had any negative reactions from staff from seeing stuff on the system or is it just not a thing?

Thank you so much again
My uni does let you choose a preferred name but not pronouns as far as I'm aware. I don't have much experience of it since I've had my name legally changed for a few years now but I know one of my friends had trouble getting their name changed on the uni system. I only mentioned my pronouns to the lecturers I felt comfortable with because one of them said a few vaguely transphobic/enby-phobic things that made me wary of bringing it up without being sure of the reaction.

On the whole I don't bother giving people the whole pronoun talk unless they bring it up themselves or if they're close friends, but I'm relatively happy to just be seen as a transguy (which is sometimes correct-ish because my gender is a complicated fluid thing best described as simply "not a girl"). If you wouldn't be okay with that then you might want to talk about pronouns with people you'll be in regular contact with - for example lecturers and people you share smaller group stuff like seminars with. For lecturers you could email them to avoid the potential awkwardness of doing it in person.
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DoNotMove
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Does anyone have any tips/advice/reassurance around being non-binary and out at university?

I was all excited about going to uni, getting to be out in day-to-day life, filling in all the forms to state my gender... but now it's getting closer I am honestly realising that I'm sort of terrified. I had gotten a pronoun badge ect but it's hit me now that being so open might mean a lot of overt and non-overt discrimination and possibly abuse. I'm especially worried about reactions from staff. I don't want to go back into the closet, but I'm not sure what to expect from being out and if I can cope!

I don't know any other non-binary people well at all, and I have no one to ask about their experiences or what to do, so - help?

It also doesn't help that I was looking into gender specific counselling outside uni and have been told by older students that 'you can't possibly make a regular commitment outside the course/uni life, you won't have time' (it's Medicine so I believe them). I was really hopeful for counselling and I'm not really sure where to access support now as my uni has no queer/gender specific counselling support.

Sorry for the overshare and thanks :hugs: And please do trigger warn any posts and use spoilers if necessary!
I'm non-binary and I go to uni! I have pronoun pins which can really help remind someone - often when I introduce myself with pronouns I point to my pin - somehow this helps people as they always seem to look at my pin when they're about to use pronouns. You're unlikely to get much reaction from people unless you specifically point it out - and if you do get mispronouned or misgendered then you can just politely remind people and most are very apologetic! If you have an issues with regards to rude comments or abuse, report it and it will be dealt with. The LGBT people tend to find each other at uni - my friendship group is mostly made up of those in the LGBT community! So you won't have to worry about friends not understanding / accepting. My uni has trans and LGBT networks - these can be really nice, as you can talk to people who go through similar situations as you.

Best of luck!
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becausethenight
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(Original post by morningstar461)
My uni does let you choose a preferred name but not pronouns as far as I'm aware. I don't have much experience of it since I've had my name legally changed for a few years now but I know one of my friends had trouble getting their name changed on the uni system. I only mentioned my pronouns to the lecturers I felt comfortable with because one of them said a few vaguely transphobic/enby-phobic things that made me wary of bringing it up without being sure of the reaction.

On the whole I don't bother giving people the whole pronoun talk unless they bring it up themselves or if they're close friends, but I'm relatively happy to just be seen as a transguy (which is sometimes correct-ish because my gender is a complicated fluid thing best described as simply "not a girl"). If you wouldn't be okay with that then you might want to talk about pronouns with people you'll be in regular contact with - for example lecturers and people you share smaller group stuff like seminars with. For lecturers you could email them to avoid the potential awkwardness of doing it in person.
Thanks, I think I'll probably just bring it up with lecturers/tutors I feel comfortable with. Maybe they can advise on how to get my name properly changed in the system too hopefully. I imagine all of our contact will be over email or Zoom/Teams anyway which is great to avoid the awkwardness as you say. I have a feeling that I'll have to bring it up as I can't pass and wouldn't be too keen on passing as male as opposed to female anyway (mine is a complicated fluid thing too and it is Not Impressed with any binary genders ) but it's good to know that other people have done it and it's gone well!
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becausethenight
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(Original post by DoNotMove)
I'm non-binary and I go to uni! I have pronoun pins which can really help remind someone - often when I introduce myself with pronouns I point to my pin - somehow this helps people as they always seem to look at my pin when they're about to use pronouns. You're unlikely to get much reaction from people unless you specifically point it out - and if you do get mispronouned or misgendered then you can just politely remind people and most are very apologetic! If you have an issues with regards to rude comments or abuse, report it and it will be dealt with. The LGBT people tend to find each other at uni - my friendship group is mostly made up of those in the LGBT community! So you won't have to worry about friends not understanding / accepting. My uni has trans and LGBT networks - these can be really nice, as you can talk to people who go through similar situations as you.

Best of luck!
Thank you :hugs:

I've had mixed advice on pronoun pins but I can see how they can complement rather than replace a conversation - can I ask if you've ever had any negative reactions to the pin (or even just people taking the piss - this happened a bit at my old school when we got asked to include pronouns in email signoffs)? It's defintely good to hear that most people are accepting and nice about it though

I'm looking forward to meeting more LGBT+ (especially the T) people as uni and I hope we do all find each other :crossedf: Bit worried as I haven't heard great things about the Pride soc at my uni but it's London so should be OK.
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DoNotMove
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(Original post by becausethenight)
Thank you :hugs:

I've had mixed advice on pronoun pins but I can see how they can complement rather than replace a conversation - can I ask if you've ever had any negative reactions to the pin (or even just people taking the piss - this happened a bit at my old school when we got asked to include pronouns in email signoffs)? It's defintely good to hear that most people are accepting and nice about it though

I'm looking forward to meeting more LGBT+ (especially the T) people as uni and I hope we do all find each other :crossedf: Bit worried as I haven't heard great things about the Pride soc at my uni but it's London so should be OK.
I've never had negative reaction to pronoun pins, but I do live in a very gay city, I think (Bristol). Really hope things go well for you! All the best
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becausethenight
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(Original post by DoNotMove)
I've never had negative reaction to pronoun pins, but I do live in a very gay city, I think (Bristol). Really hope things go well for you! All the best
Thank you
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Desideri
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Hey, I’m not non-binary but have a few friends at uni who are. In my experience, everyone within the LGBT+ society at uni pays attention to pronouns, but outside of that it’s a bit hit-and-miss. I don’t think my friends have received any negative comments from anyone, but people just assume their pronouns and sometimes continue to use she/he even when corrected (maybe genuinely forgetting, maybe not, idk).

In terms of lecturers - I guess personally I’d wait until you’ve met your lecturers, and then send the nice ones an email explaining your name and pronouns. Obviously I hope all your lecturers are nice, and I’d be really surprised if any were intentionally insulting, but some can be a bit thoughtless. Like my German lecturer who set a homework that literally said “men, write about your dream woman. Women, write about your dream man.” Which as a lesbian was uhhh an interesting assignment.
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becausethenight
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(Original post by Desideri)
Hey, I’m not non-binary but have a few friends at uni who are. In my experience, everyone within the LGBT+ society at uni pays attention to pronouns, but outside of that it’s a bit hit-and-miss. I don’t think my friends have received any negative comments from anyone, but people just assume their pronouns and sometimes continue to use she/he even when corrected (maybe genuinely forgetting, maybe not, idk).

In terms of lecturers - I guess personally I’d wait until you’ve met your lecturers, and then send the nice ones an email explaining your name and pronouns. Obviously I hope all your lecturers are nice, and I’d be really surprised if any were intentionally insulting, but some can be a bit thoughtless. Like my German lecturer who set a homework that literally said “men, write about your dream woman. Women, write about your dream man.” Which as a lesbian was uhhh an interesting assignment.
Thank you :hugs:

I'm not surprised to hear things can be hit and miss with pronouns, hearing that people don't get negative comments is good enough for me! It is genuinely quite reassuring to hear.

I'll bear that in mind with lecturers - I'll want to see how much time I spend with them anyway to see if it's worth it. I definitely want to make sure that they're semi-onboard too as with healthcare people can be weird. That German assignment sounds, uh, weird... He did not think that one though.
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