Not sure if I ****ed up or not

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Sorry I'm just trying to ascertain what happened and ultimately I won't know until I hear from her I guess.

So I was with my partner, I was having a moody morning and left hers to go for a walk and clear my head. Got back to hers and she really cheered me up, got me out of a spiral.
Anyways we start fooling around and she's obviously trying to not make noise (which is very unlike her) I check in to see if she's ok a couple of times and she said yes, a few minutes later I ask if she wants to stop because she seemed cagey and she said yes. So we stop and she becomes really withdrawn, barely looking at me, nervous habits come out and I try to talk to her.

She says it's not what I did but I worry maybe I was being too pushy and she just went along with it.

The other possibility is, before we were fooling around she brought up how she's quite loud and I said yeah I know I like it I think it's sexy. She got quite bashful and obviously when we did start to fool around there was a concerted effort on her part to not make any noise.

Anyways once she got really cagey I asked if she wanted me to stay or leave and she asked me to leave so I did. I asked her to message me later if she can put in to words what made her feel that way as I hate leaving her in such a negative state.

I'm worried she won't take the initiative and message me about it. I'm wondering if waiting until the end of the day and then messaging her is ok or whether I should just give her space until she's ready to talk?
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spectrum84
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#2
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Wait until tomorrow, that should be enough time for her to think things through, then message her and ask if she's okay if she hasn't replied but the situation seems a bit strange, did u do anything before she went quiet?
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Anonymous #1
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In an attempt to be as polite as possible, I was using my fingers, up to the point I asked if she wanted to stop at which point we did. As soon as that happened she got very insular. She explicitly said I didn't do anything wrong.
She finds communicating hard at times so I asked some questions one being, did you start feeling self-conscious, to which she said "yes" or "I think", can't exactly remember. I also asked if it was related to anything I said before we started and she said "maybe" so I think it IS that I was kinda looking for a second opinion from others
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spectrum84
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Hmmm honestly pal my best advice would be to just wait and see what happens or maybe think what u might've done, when my boyfriend upsets me I'd rather he realises what he's done than have me tell him cos to me that just shows he cares that he'll take the time to think about what he's done, maybe urs is the same?
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Anonymous #1
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Those are the only two options to be honest, I know in general when she gets cagey space is the best thing I just feel kinda useless because I wanna help her stop feeling like this :/
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spectrum84
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Well u do know her best and if u think space and time is what she needs then give her it, hopefully she'll be okay
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Anonymous #1
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So it was the self-conscious thing she got back to me. I overreact when it comes to this stuff, prone to anxiety spirals and just need to get the thoughts out of my head. Thanks for helping me bounce ideas ^^
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by spectrum84)
Hmmm honestly pal my best advice would be to just wait and see what happens or maybe think what u might've done, when my boyfriend upsets me I'd rather he realises what he's done than have me tell him cos to me that just shows he cares that he'll take the time to think about what he's done, maybe urs is the same?
Hi there
Just to know
When you upset him, do you take time to think about what you have done and get back to him to talk about it? Or is it that even in that case you still want him to make a move and tell you that he is upset?
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Bagarigak
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#9
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Just give it a day and then message her at night to see if she's ok. Call her the next morning to ask if you could see her and talk things through with her.
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spectrum84
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Hi there
Just to know
When you upset him, do you take time to think about what you have done and get back to him to talk about it? Or is it that even in that case you still want him to make a move and tell you that he is upset?
Well for me when I upset him he talks to me about it and we talk it out and that's what I prefer, but it's because idk when I've upset him, I'll tell him he's upset me but he isn't like that so idk whether I've upset him or not
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by spectrum84)
Well for me when I upset him he talks to me about it and we talk it out and that's what I prefer, but it's because idk when I've upset him, I'll tell him he's upset me but he isn't like that so idk whether I've upset him or not
Have not you ever think that the same should apply to him when he upset you? Like he might not know whether you are upset or not; So it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel from the get go. So that it will be easier for him.
Or maybe he does not mind making a move whatever the situation is.
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spectrum84
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Have not you ever think that the same should apply to him when he upset you? Like he might not know whether you are upset or not; So it would be a good idea to tell him how you feel from the get go. So that it will be easier for him.
Or maybe he does not mind making a move whatever the situation is.
I knew u were gonna say that :laugh:, and yeh u have a point. I probably should tell him when I'm upset but it just means a bit more when he thinks about it and then realises what he's done, like obviously if he really doesn't know I'll tell him plus it's also a bit awkward for me to say cos I don't want him to think I'm too touchy or whatever.
Also, I was wondering do u have experience in something like this and that's why u asked?
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In an attempt to be as polite as possible, I was using my fingers, up to the point I asked if she wanted to stop at which point we did. As soon as that happened she got very insular. She explicitly said I didn't do anything wrong.
She finds communicating hard at times so I asked some questions one being, did you start feeling self-conscious, to which she said "yes" or "I think", can't exactly remember. I also asked if it was related to anything I said before we started and she said "maybe" so I think it IS that I was kinda looking for a second opinion from others
No, i suspect you don't know her as well as you might think! And are there any other guys on the scene?
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by spectrum84)
I knew u were gonna say that :laugh:, and yeh u have a point. I probably should tell him when I'm upset but it just means a bit more when he thinks about it and then realises what he's done, like obviously if he really doesn't know I'll tell him plus it's also a bit awkward for me to say cos I don't want him to think I'm too touchy or whatever.
Also, I was wondering do u have experience in something like this and that's why u asked?
Oh well I see.
Umm yeah kind of experience. Ended a bit badly cause of that...
If I have a girlfriend and I know that I have upset her, even in the slightest ( cause I am quite in tune with people emotions, I most of the time can tell when I have upset someone) I will instantly apologise. But if it happens that I could not tell that I upset her, I would love her to tell that I did, so that I can express my apologies.
But yeah I get you, as I am a bit like you sometimes. Like if she has upset me. I will not tell her but would expect her to know that she upset me and should apologise.
But I will always end up telling her, because most women ( but I know not all them) expect the man not to be emotional as it will show that he is weak. Also they will expect to make a move whatever the situation is...
So much expectations on us...
We are humans too, we are not perfect, we can't read minds, we can also get emotional, insecure at times...
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spectrum84
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Oh well I see.
Umm yeah kind of experience. Ended a bit badly cause of that...
If I have a girlfriend and I know that I have upset her, even in the slightest ( cause I am quite in tune with people emotions, I most of the time can tell when I have upset someone) I will instantly apologise. But if it happens that I could not tell that I upset her, I would love her to tell that I did, so that I can express my apologies.
But yeah I get you, as I am a bit like you sometimes. Like if she has upset me. I will not tell her but would expect her to know that she upset me and should apologise.
But I will always end up telling her, because most women ( but I know not all them) expect the man not to be emotional as it will show that he is weak. Also they will expect to make a move whatever the situation is...
So much expectations on us...
We are humans too, we are not perfect, we can't read minds, we can also get emotional, insecure at times...
I know and I love that about my boyfriend, he can talk to me openly and be honest with me and I love it, at first he didn't want to open up to me cos guys have this stereotype where they think they have to be this macho manly figure who can't show emotion but actually it makes me feel kinda special that he feels he can open up to me, and it's a common misconception for guys to think they have to uphold the façade that they don't care, yeh it's hot when a guy acts all tough but then a relationship will never go anywhere if he's always keeping his feelings inside.
And yeh make sure u apologise to her and talk it out if u ever upset ur gf but u need to make sure u tell her when ur upset as well. I'm sorry ur relationship ended, I hope ur okay :hugs:
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Ackhnologia
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#16
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(Original post by spectrum84)
I know and I love that about my boyfriend, he can talk to me openly and be honest with me and I love it, at first he didn't want to open up to me cos guys have this stereotype where they think they have to be this macho manly figure who can't show emotion but actually it makes me feel kinda special that he feels he can open up to me, and it's a common misconception for guys to think they have to uphold the façade that they don't care, yeh it's hot when a guy acts all tough but then a relationship will never go anywhere if he's always keeping his feelings inside.
And yeh make sure u apologise to her and talk it out if u ever upset ur gf but u need to make sure u tell her when ur upset as well. I'm sorry ur relationship ended, I hope ur okay :hugs:
Oh well
Thank you
Happy to see that there some women like you out there😊
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spectrum84
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Oh well
Thank you
Happy to see that there some women like you out there😊
Awww, ur so sweet, you'll find the right girl x
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by spectrum84)
Awww, ur so sweet, you'll find the right girl x
Thanks😊
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spectrum84
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#19
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(Original post by Ackhnologia)
Thanks😊
Np x
Hey OP, did she reply?
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Ackhnologia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So it was the self-conscious thing she got back to me. I overreact when it comes to this stuff, prone to anxiety spirals and just need to get the thoughts out of my head. Thanks for helping me bounce ideas ^^
Here was his answer
(Original post by spectrum84)
Np x
Hey OP, did she reply?
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