Parents refused to help me for the sake of my sister's A levels

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Kitty961
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We are just 2 sisters (17 and 25). I'm 25, married and have a baby that just turned 1 recently. Due to the whole situation, my husband is almost out of work ( he is paid hourly and the company is not giving enough hours) and myself I was supposed to start work ideally as my baby turned 1 but my employer is also affected and doesn't want me to start yet and wants me to take 6 more months voluntarily off.
We are struggling with rent bills etc and it will take time until we find other jobs and become financially stable etc.. my parents live not too far and have a house. My husbands parents are completely useless but I was hoping if my parents would let us stay at theirs for a few months (they love to see their granddaughter) it would reallyy help out (of course we were willing to help with food etc but its not like a big rent (we live in London and were raised here) that needs to be paid by a certain date) ...
Anyways, I had a conversation with them and they said if it's just about them they have no problem whatsoever but because my sister is doing her A levels they said us living at theirs might affect her concentration especially with a 1 year old around and that they can't let her studies be affected, it's crucial time for her and there shouldn't be any disturbance in the house etc etc...So basically they said no we can't stay at theirs...
It's not that either my husband or I would intentially disrupt her, we would be respectful towards the fact that she has to study.. she's most of the time in her room anyways and I can keep my baby under control. Anyways my parents said they don't want to take the risk because her A levels are very important and so it's a no.
I kind of understand them and kind of don't.
What does everyone think? Are my parents correct in their reasoning to not let us stay in their place?
I remember doing my a levels too and I don't think I would have been affected by other family members staying over especially if they wouldn't directly bother me and would be respectful.
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Anonymous #1
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It’s not you they are worried about it’s your sister being distracted by your baby. However if they say no it’s best not to escalate the situation and find somewhere else cheap to rent. I would talk with your parents face to face and insist it’s only for few months as her exams are in Christmas time.
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Surnia
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How do you control a baby? They'll cry when they want to, and how will you stop that happening at night and someone getting up to settle them? It's no good putting on the rose-tinted glasses and saying it wouldn't have bothered you, because you weren't disturbed during your A-levels, so how about your sister has the same arrangement?

Interesting how you barely mention your in-laws, but write a long thread on your parents. Why can't your husband's family help?
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Kitty961)
We are just 2 sisters (17 and 25). I'm 25, married and have a baby that just turned 1 recently. Due to the whole situation, my husband is almost out of work ( he is paid hourly and the company is not giving enough hours) and myself I was supposed to start work ideally as my baby turned 1 but my employer is also affected and doesn't want me to start yet and wants me to take 6 more months voluntarily off.
We are struggling with rent bills etc and it will take time until we find other jobs and become financially stable etc.. my parents live not too far and have a house. My husbands parents are completely useless but I was hoping if my parents would let us stay at theirs for a few months (they love to see their granddaughter) it would reallyy help out (of course we were willing to help with food etc but its not like a big rent (we live in London and were raised here) that needs to be paid by a certain date) ...
Anyways, I had a conversation with them and they said if it's just about them they have no problem whatsoever but because my sister is doing her A levels they said us living at theirs might affect her concentration especially with a 1 year old around and that they can't let her studies be affected, it's crucial time for her and there shouldn't be any disturbance in the house etc etc...So basically they said no we can't stay at theirs...
It's not that either my husband or I would intentially disrupt her, we would be respectful towards the fact that she has to study.. she's most of the time in her room anyways and I can keep my baby under control. Anyways my parents said they don't want to take the risk because her A levels are very important and so it's a no.
I kind of understand them and kind of don't.
What does everyone think? Are my parents correct in their reasoning to not let us stay in their place?
I remember doing my a levels too and I don't think I would have been affected by other family members staying over especially if they wouldn't directly bother me and would be respectful.
IMO, they are right to be concerned about your sister's A levels. Can you cope for a few months?
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Guru Jason
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A levels aren't going to be affected by one baby. I'm sure thousands of A level students have young siblings/babies in their households and they manage just fine. Sounds like a poor excuse to me.
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Kitty961
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(Original post by Surnia)
How do you control a baby? They'll cry when they want to, and how will you stop that happening at night and someone getting up to settle them? It's no good putting on the rose-tinted glasses and saying it wouldn't have bothered you, because you weren't disturbed during your A-levels, so how about your sister has the same arrangement?

Interesting how you barely mention your in-laws, but write a long thread on your parents. Why can't your husband's family help?
My mother in law has a problem with alcohol and lives in social housing
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Kerzen
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I can see your parents' point of view, to be honest.

What is your current housing situation?
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LovelyMrFox
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Your parents reasons make sense. You are 25 and ideally should be taking care of yourself, your sister is still being taken care of by your parents. Of course they are going to prioritize her first, as they should.
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Callicious
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I have to side with the parents.

Whenever my step brother brought his kid(s... there're like 3 of them now, no clue) over I would just throw out studying for the day(s) that they were there. They cry randomly and are loud as heck. It gets worse as they reach the age of 3-5 when they're just loud + playing + everything else, I doubt I'd mind a 1 year old assuming it kept its trap shut, but yeah if it did cry I would certainly have my concentration and train of thought disappear.

It might just be my own personal bias and experiences with the presence of family members ruining my study time over the years (my own parents and relatives) and being a very introverted person who likes his quiet time, but I'd let the issue rest and seek alternative solutions :-;
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Kitty961
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Thank you everyone for your replies. Its interesting and helpful to see mixed viewpoints of others on the situation. I'm just trying to understand better as sometimes when you are in the situation yourself you can't understand well because of the bias. More replies and opinions welcome..
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Kerzen
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(Original post by Kitty961)
Thank you everyone for your replies. Its interesting and helpful to see mixed viewpoints of others on the situation. I'm just trying to understand better as sometimes when you are in the situation yourself you can't understand well because of the bias. More replies and opinions welcome..
Kitty

Is your landlord aware of the situation?

I found it difficult to work out exactly what your current housing situation was.
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Scotney
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I can also see your parents point of view.Your sister is not you and you are kidding yourself if you think the
whole dynamic of the house would not be disrupted.Hopefully either you or your husband can pick up new jobs.Do check what benefits you would be entitled to.
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Bagarigak
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I agree with your parents. Your sister is in such a crucial time in her education and should have some peace and quiet when she is studying for her exams.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Kitty961)
My mother in law has a problem with alcohol and lives in social housing
Father-in-law?

And as much as your parents love your daughter, do they want 2 more adults and a baby in their house for months? You say 'a few', but realistically, how many could it be? Where will all your belongings go? Have you thought also that your parents don't want to have their routine disrupted, have to put stuff away to toddler-proof the place, have a crowded kitchen and lounge every day, have the fridge, washer and cooker being taken over?
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Kogomogo
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I agree with your parents on this one, it's not fair for a 17 year old at an important time of study (who your parents are still legally obligated to care for) to have a 1 year old baby thrust into her home environment. The noise would be distracting, especially in these times when so many courses are now done online at home.

They owe that teen a decent living environment, they have already done the same for you when you were younger and now your sister deserves the same.

You're the one who's chosen to have a baby, and no one is obligated to take care of it but you and your husband. Sure, it's nice when people can help out, but if your parents and teenage sister can't have two grown adults and a baby moving in and making noise then it's perfectly within their right to say no. There's no way a kid that age wouldn't be a distraction, and it would be coming up to the 'terrible twos' soon enough.
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hajima
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Agree with your parents for reasons already mentioned.
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ROTL94
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I can see where your parents are coming from, my sister had one year old when I lived at home and it was very hard for me to study there, one of the reasons I moved out in fact, one year olds cry, not their fault, it's the only way they know how to communicate, but it is distracting.
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2500_2
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(Original post by Kitty961)
We are just 2 sisters (17 and 25). I'm 25, married and have a baby that just turned 1 recently. Due to the whole situation, my husband is almost out of work ( he is paid hourly and the company is not giving enough hours) and myself I was supposed to start work ideally as my baby turned 1 but my employer is also affected and doesn't want me to start yet and wants me to take 6 more months voluntarily off.
We are struggling with rent bills etc and it will take time until we find other jobs and become financially stable etc.. my parents live not too far and have a house. My husbands parents are completely useless but I was hoping if my parents would let us stay at theirs for a few months (they love to see their granddaughter) it would reallyy help out (of course we were willing to help with food etc but its not like a big rent (we live in London and were raised here) that needs to be paid by a certain date) ...
Anyways, I had a conversation with them and they said if it's just about them they have no problem whatsoever but because my sister is doing her A levels they said us living at theirs might affect her concentration especially with a 1 year old around and that they can't let her studies be affected, it's crucial time for her and there shouldn't be any disturbance in the house etc etc...So basically they said no we can't stay at theirs...
It's not that either my husband or I would intentially disrupt her, we would be respectful towards the fact that she has to study.. she's most of the time in her room anyways and I can keep my baby under control. Anyways my parents said they don't want to take the risk because her A levels are very important and so it's a no.
I kind of understand them and kind of don't.
What does everyone think? Are my parents correct in their reasoning to not let us stay in their place?
I remember doing my a levels too and I don't think I would have been affected by other family members staying over especially if they wouldn't directly bother me and would be respectful.
Have you asked/thought of if there are OTHER ways they can help you?
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Guru Jason
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I'm just wondering how many people who are saying the parents are right actually live on their own with a full time job in this current climate.?

As a nearly 30 year old, I understand how hard it is I the current climate to pay all your bills and look after a family.
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Kogomogo
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(Original post by Guru Jason)
I'm just wondering how many people who are saying the parents are right actually live on their own with a full time job in this current climate.?

As a nearly 30 year old, I understand how hard it is I the current climate to pay all your bills and look after a family.
No one's saying it's not hard, but that doesn't mean others should be obligated to help. If they want to that's great but they don't (and have some very good reasons for saying no, that poor teen doesn't deserve her home life being turned upside down) and that's totally within their right. OP is acting pretty entitled towards other peoples living space, time, comfort and space.

You sign up for hard when you become a parent, it's great when people can and want to help but OP has no right to complain when she is told no, it's just bratty. OP needs to sort this out like a parent, not whinge because she can't lean on mum and dad forever. She needs to get down to citizens advice to find out what her options are, get whatever benefits she may be entitled to, and get on the list for council or social housing like everyone else has to who loses their job.
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