Closeted but wanting a relationship

Okay so I’m fairly certain I’m Bisexual. I haven’t told anyone other than two of my real life friends while drunk and let it slip. But now I really want a girlfriend, I’ve had things with guys before but none of them have lasted or been proper and I’m seeing gay girl couples everywhere and I just want some of that.
But I don’t know how to go about that without broadcasting it everywhere. I’ve signed up to taimi which is essentially an lgbt dating and friend making site. But I put bisexual and it’s mostly straight men messaging me and the girls who I do end up chatting with live far away. I’ve even put a rainbow emoji in all my bios but I don’t think it’s a big enough hint.

So how to closeted gays get relationships? Or is the only way to solve my problem is to come out. I’d obvs come out if I was in a relationship. Any advice at this stage would be much appreciated. I’m female and 19 btw

Reply 1

BlackkQueen12

17

hmmm just date a girl and see who notices
make it suttle then go on from there?

Reply 2

becausethenight

19

You do usually need to be semi-out or at least active in LGBT+ spaces, as obviously then you're definitely meeting women who're into other women. Being 'out' can mean lots of different things, though - you could eg go to a LGBT meetup but tell your family/friends/colleagues it's something else.

Otherwise the advice is really similar to anyone trying to find a relationship - just put yourself out there and meet people, then be upfront when you meet someone you like. If you're at uni, look into LGBT societies and there are lots of LGBT meetup groups (have a look on Stonewall) and dating sites as you've found. Non-LGBT spaces are also still good for meeting people: clubs, reading groups, adult learning classes, work... In my experience people end up dating within their very LGBT friendship circle which can be great and can be irritating when you've literally dated/slept with all your friends...

To bear in mind : some people may be less keen on dating people who aren't mostly out; for me personally it would be a concern for sure.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by becausethenight

You do usually need to be semi-out or at least active in LGBT+ spaces, as obviously then you're definitely meeting women who're into other women. Being 'out' can mean lots of different things, though - you could eg go to a LGBT meetup but tell your family/friends/colleagues it's something else.

Otherwise the advice is really similar to anyone trying to find a relationship - just put yourself out there and meet people, then be upfront when you meet someone you like. If you're at uni, look into LGBT societies and there are lots of LGBT meetup groups (have a look on Stonewall) and dating sites as you've found. Non-LGBT spaces are also still good for meeting people: clubs, reading groups, adult learning classes, work... In my experience people end up dating within their very LGBT friendship circle which can be great and can be irritating when you've literally dated/slept with all your friends...

To bear in mind : some people may be less keen on dating people who aren't mostly out; for me personally it would be a concern for sure.

Wow thank you so much. I’m not ashamed of it but for some reason I still panic whenever I feel like someone knows. I’m definitely working on it and getting better but if i found someone, I would come out. It’s a weird process. I’ll definitely try other things, I’m not in uni and from a small town so makes it a little difficult haha. Thank you for the advice :smile:

)

Reply 4

becausethenight

19

Original post by Anonymous

Wow thank you so much. I’m not ashamed of it but for some reason I still panic whenever I feel like someone knows. I’m definitely working on it and getting better but if i found someone, I would come out. It’s a weird process. I’ll definitely try other things, I’m not in uni and from a small town so makes it a little difficult haha. Thank you for the advice :smile:

)

The whole thing is a weird and complicated process; no need to do anything you’re not ready for! I completely understand the feeling of panic - even if you personally are the most out and proud person ever, you can’t control how the other person will react and if they’ll see you differently. It can be scary.

Being in a small town will make it a lot harder I’d imagine, yeah. There may still be nearbyish meet-ups and things but you might need to travel into the nearest large town or city? You’re only 19 though so lots of time for something to happen! :goodluck:

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by becausethenight

The whole thing is a weird and complicated process; no need to do anything you’re not ready for! I completely understand the feeling of panic - even if you personally are the most out and proud person ever, you can’t control how the other person will react and if they’ll see you differently. It can be scary.

Being in a small town will make it a lot harder I’d imagine, yeah. There may still be nearbyish meet-ups and things but you might need to travel into the nearest large town or city? You’re only 19 though so lots of time for something to happen! :goodluck:

Thank you so much :smile:

) it’s really helped