I’m going to be all alone after uni

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
After 2 years, I have not managed to form a single substantial relationship. I have always found it difficult to find people who I’m compatible with and in first and second year, ended up befriending girls who treated me like trash. I am now in third year and while I was initially glad to have left behind my toxic friendships, I am now completely isolated. Because of corona, there are no societies or events running in person, so I really have no way of meeting new people. The only people who I can somewhat confide in are my three flatmates, who are all lovely people but are still just flatmates more than anything. They all have their own group of friends.

After I graduate, I can easily see us going our separate ways and virtually never seeing one another again. It honestly petrifies me to think that these 8 months or so are the last time I’m going to have any form of consistent human interaction (as I see my flatmates everyday) and after that I will have 0 friends who I can talk to.

I understand that making friends in the workplace is an option, but I think that everyone has this deepest understanding that it’s much, much more difficult and that the friends that you make at work are likely to be acquaintances more than anything.

I’m just so scared of living the rest of the my life completely alone. At least when my flatmates graduate they have a close knit group of friends who they can at least chat and hang out with, whereas I will have no one. Any advice...?
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Scotney
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#2
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
After 2 years, I have not managed to form a single substantial relationship. I have always found it difficult to find people who I’m compatible with and in first and second year, ended up befriending girls who treated me like trash. I am now in third year and while I was initially glad to have left behind my toxic friendships, I am now completely isolated. Because of corona, there are no societies or events running in person, so I really have no way of meeting new people. The only people who I can somewhat confide in are my three flatmates, who are all lovely people but are still just flatmates more than anything. They all have their own group of friends.

After I graduate, I can easily see us going our separate ways and virtually never seeing one another again. It honestly petrifies me to think that these 8 months or so are the last time I’m going to have any form of consistent human interaction (as I see my flatmates everyday) and after that I will have 0 friends who I can talk to.

I understand that making friends in the workplace is an option, but I think that everyone has this deepest understanding that it’s much, much more difficult and that the friends that you make at work are likely to be acquaintances more than anything.

I’m just so scared of living the rest of the my life completely alone. At least when my flatmates graduate they have a close knit group of friends who they can at least chat and hang out with, whereas I will have no one. Any advice...?
I had friends at uni but after uni we were dispersed all over the country.I made my closest friends at work and have also made others after becoming a parent.This is not the end of making friends by a long shot.
In addition my son made his best friends in the third year of uni and while doing a masters so do not give up yet.
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999tigger
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#3
Report 3 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
After 2 years, I have not managed to form a single substantial relationship. I have always found it difficult to find people who I’m compatible with and in first and second year, ended up befriending girls who treated me like trash. I am now in third year and while I was initially glad to have left behind my toxic friendships, I am now completely isolated. Because of corona, there are no societies or events running in person, so I really have no way of meeting new people. The only people who I can somewhat confide in are my three flatmates, who are all lovely people but are still just flatmates more than anything. They all have their own group of friends.

After I graduate, I can easily see us going our separate ways and virtually never seeing one another again. It honestly petrifies me to think that these 8 months or so are the last time I’m going to have any form of consistent human interaction (as I see my flatmates everyday) and after that I will have 0 friends who I can talk to.

I understand that making friends in the workplace is an option, but I think that everyone has this deepest understanding that it’s much, much more difficult and that the friends that you make at work are likely to be acquaintances more than anything.

I’m just so scared of living the rest of the my life completely alone. At least when my flatmates graduate they have a close knit group of friends who they can at least chat and hang out with, whereas I will have no one. Any advice...?

Presumably you have a longstanding anxiety / social anxiety problem?
Have you not made any friends off your course or from societies pre covid?
Third year goes quickly.


Most people lose contact with uni friends and then its a case of restarting and making friends where you live plus with work colleagues. Sounds like its the fear that is worse than the reality. Rather than be all doom, make the most of it.

Maybe advertise for meeting new friends as you wont be the only one in your situation, start a friendship group or join in some volunteer work to give you some structure. Make sure you leave with a good degree then fill in your other house with exercise, relaxation, self-improvement, careers and some work on social skills. Assertiveness training, meditation, self esteem courses will all stand you in good stead. The danger of thinking yourself into doom is it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Scotney)
I had friends at uni but after uni we were dispersed all over the country.I made my closest friends at work and have also made others after becoming a parent.This is not the end of making friends by a long shot.
In addition my son made his best friends in the third year of uni and while doing a masters so do not give up yet.
Thank you, this is really reassuring. I think one of my worries is that the friendships that I might potentially make at work are going to be very superficial ones, where I occasionally go out with my coworkers for a coffee or something. That sounds pleasant enough, but I often get very envious of my flatmates who have deep bonds with their friends and can chat about stupid stuff and watch movies together and how I doubt that I will be able to find someone like that at the workplace, where I will probably be the most immature one (partly by choice, because I don’t like the superficiality that I guess I associate with adult life?).

I am planning on doing a masters but I feel like I’m doing it for the wrong reason - literally, to give me an extra year to make friends....
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Presumably you have a longstanding anxiety / social anxiety problem?
Have you not made any friends off your course or from societies pre covid?
Third year goes quickly.


Most people lose contact with uni friends and then its a case of restarting and making friends where you live plus with work colleagues. Sounds like its the fear that is worse than the reality. Rather than be all doom, make the most of it.

Maybe advertise for meeting new friends as you wont be the only one in your situation, start a friendship group or join in some volunteer work to give you some structure. Make sure you leave with a good degree then fill in your other house with exercise, relaxation, self-improvement, careers and some work on social skills. Assertiveness training, meditation, self esteem courses will all stand you in good stead. The danger of thinking yourself into doom is it all becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I didn’t know that most people lost contact with uni friends that frequently! I think because my siblings who have all attended uni have remained close friends with their mates.

I’ve always had social anxiety but it has improved significantly since I began uni. Still, I haven’t been able to make friends in the past two years; plenty of acquaintances who I can say hi too in lectures, or message about coursework, but absolutely nothing beyond that.

I feel like my social anxiety has evolved to general anxiety about my life and how it will play out.

Thank you for your advice. I definitely need to focus more on myself and my studies and career. I just think I’ll feel so lonely that it’ll take over my life.
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Scotney
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you, this is really reassuring. I think one of my worries is that the friendships that I might potentially make at work are going to be very superficial ones, where I occasionally go out with my coworkers for a coffee or something. That sounds pleasant enough, but I often get very envious of my flatmates who have deep bonds with their friends and can chat about stupid stuff and watch movies together and how I doubt that I will be able to find someone like that at the workplace, where I will probably be the most immature one (partly by choice, because I don’t like the superficiality that I guess I associate with adult life?).

I am planning on doing a masters but I feel like I’m doing it for the wrong reason - literally, to give me an extra year to make friends....
Are you changing unis for your masters?Also do you play sports or get involved in unis societies.These are great ways to make friends.
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999tigger
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I didn’t know that most people lost contact with uni friends that frequently! I think because my siblings who have all attended uni have remained close friends with their mates.

I’ve always had social anxiety but it has improved significantly since I began uni. Still, I haven’t been able to make friends in the past two years; plenty of acquaintances who I can say hi too in lectures, or message about coursework, but absolutely nothing beyond that.

I feel like my social anxiety has evolved to general anxiety about my life and how it will play out.

Thank you for your advice. I definitely need to focus more on myself and my studies and career. I just think I’ll feel so lonely that it’ll take over my life.
Sorry if I sound harsh, but you don't seem to be in the worst position compared to many posts on TSR, which is hopeful. Try and make some progress this year so you are in a better position when you leave. that means worrying less as well as more resilient.

If you want things to change then it doesnt happen by accident and it requires you to put into effect things that will change your experience i.e making an effort in small aways so eventually they build up into bigger changes.

Your best friend is always yourself. If you do some self esteem training/ development then you will like yourself more and worry less.

Make a list of things you want to achieve by the time you leave in June.

Why not suggest to the house about having a regular meal or flat only night out/ in?
Advertise for some other social anxiety peeps and maybe you can help each other.
If a meeting is too much then have a message board/ discord or snapchat.
I guarantee you there will be hundreds suffering major anxiety and thinking of leaving because they are worried friends havent been instantly made.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scotney)
Are you changing unis for your masters?Also do you play sports or get involved in unis societies.These are great ways to make friends.
I’m planning on remaining at my uni to do a masters but that could change.
I tried sports in second year but I remember there only being like 8-9 people or so. I wanted to make a bigger effort this year but obviously everything has been shut down due to covid.
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by 999tigger)
Sorry if I sound harsh, but you don't seem to be in the worst position compared to many posts on TSR, which is hopeful. Try and make some progress this year so you are in a better position when you leave. that means worrying less as well as more resilient.

If you want things to change then it doesnt happen by accident and it requires you to put into effect things that will change your experience i.e making an effort in small aways so eventually they build up into bigger changes.

Your best friend is always yourself. If you do some self esteem training/ development then you will like yourself more and worry less.

Make a list of things you want to achieve by the time you leave in June.

Why not suggest to the house about having a regular meal or flat only night out/ in?
Advertise for some other social anxiety peeps and maybe you can help each other.
If a meeting is too much then have a message board/ discord or snapchat.
I guarantee you there will be hundreds suffering major anxiety and thinking of leaving because they are worried friends havent been instantly made.
Thank you again for the advice. I really do need to work on my confidence!
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999tigger
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you again for the advice. I really do need to work on my confidence!
With MH its very difficult because you are using and relying on your mind, which is the thing that is unreliable.

The sky very rarely falls in.
Be honest and understand how your mind works.
Find a friend who can give you honest feedback.
From what I can see its not as bad as you fear and if you improve then so may the friendship thing.
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