Anonymous #1
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#1
I’m struggling a lot at university. I’ve just started my second year and living in a flat with the same flatmates from my first year, they’re really nice but I have bad social anxiety and get so anxious around them. It’s usually fine when I’m actually talking to one of them, kind of, like I’m really shy but can sort of manage a simple conversation... But it’s just finding the courage to actually leave my room and see people. I haven’t eaten dinner in two days just because I’m too scared to go to the kitchen to cook, just in case I go in there and there’s someone else in there. I hate the idea of just awkwardly cooking and there’s just an awful silence. I know most of my current flatmates but two of them are actually new people, who I kind of know from last year (they lived in the flat next to us) but not very well. So yesterday I tried going into the kitchen to make some tea, but there was only that one person in there I don’t know that well... And it killed me inside it was so awkward. I said hi, she said hi. Then it was silence and I just sorta made my tea, was brave enough not to just go back to my room and actually sat down in the kitchen... But after a few seconds the other girl just sorta left and I feel like it’s because of me and I felt awful! So now I’m even more scared to go to the kitchen in case something similar happens again.

I’m slightly better at talking to about three of my flatmates. So if I see them I can talk for a bit and it’s usually ok because they’re quite talkative anyway. I enjoy being around people and talking to people, I just suck at it so much and that makes me hate it. I was excited to hang out with my whole flat the other day, we all sat in the kitchen together and talked and played games etc... Problem is, in big groups I’m the worst. I just go silent. I never know what to say, when everyone’s talking to each other and I can’t quite jump into the conversation... it’s horrible. So everyone was talking to each other and I just sorta sat there. I tried saying something but it came out so awkwardly it put me off trying again. It doesn’t help that they were all talking about music they like, I’ve never heard of any of the bands they’re into. I’m really out of touch with music, kpop is pretty much all I know and I feel like a complete idiot with any kind of music knowledge. And that makes me even more quiet since I’m too scared of anyone realizing how dumb I am when it comes to socially basic stuff.

So yeah. I don’t know what to do, I’m really depressed as it is and being back at university is harder than I thought. I thought I’d be happier but I’m not. I just keep realizing how boring I am, my flatmates all have really fun and great personalities but I don’t really think I have a personality... In any conversation all I do is smile and agree with stuff. I’m just so boring and I hate it. And I hate how I can never leave my room, I just cry to myself and hit myself for not being brave enough to just go out there and say hi. Because I can say hi, but then what? An awkward silence is the worst. So I just cry in my room and o really want to be more interesting, but I don’t know what to say to people. Just the same “hi how are you? Have you done anything interesting today?” Then the conversation fades quickly and I just keep thinking how useless I am. My other flatmates are so fun and somehow always know what to say to each other! I don’t get it at all
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Casojbiomed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m struggling a lot at university. I’ve just started my second year and living in a flat with the same flatmates from my first year, they’re really nice but I have bad social anxiety and get so anxious around them. It’s usually fine when I’m actually talking to one of them, kind of, like I’m really shy but can sort of manage a simple conversation... But it’s just finding the courage to actually leave my room and see people. I haven’t eaten dinner in two days just because I’m too scared to go to the kitchen to cook, just in case I go in there and there’s someone else in there. I hate the idea of just awkwardly cooking and there’s just an awful silence. I know most of my current flatmates but two of them are actually new people, who I kind of know from last year (they lived in the flat next to us) but not very well. So yesterday I tried going into the kitchen to make some tea, but there was only that one person in there I don’t know that well... And it killed me inside it was so awkward. I said hi, she said hi. Then it was silence and I just sorta made my tea, was brave enough not to just go back to my room and actually sat down in the kitchen... But after a few seconds the other girl just sorta left and I feel like it’s because of me and I felt awful! So now I’m even more scared to go to the kitchen in case something similar happens again.

I’m slightly better at talking to about three of my flatmates. So if I see them I can talk for a bit and it’s usually ok because they’re quite talkative anyway. I enjoy being around people and talking to people, I just suck at it so much and that makes me hate it. I was excited to hang out with my whole flat the other day, we all sat in the kitchen together and talked and played games etc... Problem is, in big groups I’m the worst. I just go silent. I never know what to say, when everyone’s talking to each other and I can’t quite jump into the conversation... it’s horrible. So everyone was talking to each other and I just sorta sat there. I tried saying something but it came out so awkwardly it put me off trying again. It doesn’t help that they were all talking about music they like, I’ve never heard of any of the bands they’re into. I’m really out of touch with music, kpop is pretty much all I know and I feel like a complete idiot with any kind of music knowledge. And that makes me even more quiet since I’m too scared of anyone realizing how dumb I am when it comes to socially basic stuff.

So yeah. I don’t know what to do, I’m really depressed as it is and being back at university is harder than I thought. I thought I’d be happier but I’m not. I just keep realizing how boring I am, my flatmates all have really fun and great personalities but I don’t really think I have a personality... In any conversation all I do is smile and agree with stuff. I’m just so boring and I hate it. And I hate how I can never leave my room, I just cry to myself and hit myself for not being brave enough to just go out there and say hi. Because I can say hi, but then what? An awkward silence is the worst. So I just cry in my room and o really want to be more interesting, but I don’t know what to say to people. Just the same “hi how are you? Have you done anything interesting today?” Then the conversation fades quickly and I just keep thinking how useless I am. My other flatmates are so fun and
somehow always know what to say to each other! I don’t get it at all
Hey,

I am very sorry to hear that you are experiencing this.

I was in a very similar situation for the year just gone with my partner. We shared accommodation with another student but he always had his friends round and used to use the whole house for himself and throw parties so we would come home in the evening ready to cook dinner only to find 5+ people in the kitchen and living room smoking and drinking so it was very intimidating for us! We wouldn’t eat dinner for days and have pot noodles in our bedroom because we bought a kettle I am also quite introverted so I always struggle sparking up conversations in those awkward moments and never know what to say or speak about!

i would say that you have to remember that it’s only temporary! I know it’s useless for me to say that now because it won’t be a while until you can get out of that situation but try and make the best of it! Never feel bad for the way you are, you are not boring compared to your flat mates, we are all just different! Some people need people to thrive whilst others like to be more independent.

If you’re looking to be more social, maybe get involved with what they’re doing! It can be hard to break the ice once you first move in together, but you can maybe take part in a couple of things together and before you know it, you’ll have more things in common to speak about and approaching them may not be so daunting!

Maybe for your Third year, you would benefit from getting a studio for yourself so that you can be free to do whatever you like but that’s of course, easier said than done as I am not sure of your financial situation!

I hope this is somewhat helpful to you, if you would like to chat in private, please feel free to PM me!
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