Anxious, Paranoid, please help :(

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hey guys

I don’t really know why or where I’ve got the balls to write this, but I just need some advice if poss.

So in my first ever relationship, I was severely unwell, and I’ve been diagnosed with multiple MH including psychosis.

There was an incident where I was hallucinating badly (didn’t know it was a hallucination due to being that unwell) I saw said guy at the time as a devil who was trying to hurt/kill me and I slapped him across the face.

I distinctly remember this and it haunts me all these years later I feel like I’m an abuser even tho my mental health professional says I’m not and I was really unwell, and if I didn’t hallucinate it wouldn’t have happened.

Just for a backstory as well he was abusive to me, controlling, violent but that’s another story.

Would you honestly, in your opinions call this situation/ me an abuser? I feel dreadful and when I say it’s been years it’s coming up to a decade the guilt kills me. I just need some hopefully reassurance I guess.

Also I’m sorry my MH is really bad atm too which has led me to asking advice on here. ☹️
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
YOURE NOT AN ABUSER.
not only was your hallucination the culprit for making you act that way but there was also a power imbalance due to him being abusive to you. he was the abuser.
0
reply
OxFossil
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey guys

I don’t really know why or where I’ve got the balls to write this, but I just need some advice if poss.

So in my first ever relationship, I was severely unwell, and I’ve been diagnosed with multiple MH including psychosis.

There was an incident where I was hallucinating badly (didn’t know it was a hallucination due to being that unwell) I saw said guy at the time as a devil who was trying to hurt/kill me and I slapped him across the face.

I distinctly remember this and it haunts me all these years later I feel like I’m an abuser even tho my mental health professional says I’m not and I was really unwell, and if I didn’t hallucinate it wouldn’t have happened.

Just for a backstory as well he was abusive to me, controlling, violent but that’s another story.

Would you honestly, in your opinions call this situation/ me an abuser? I feel dreadful and when I say it’s been years it’s coming up to a decade the guilt kills me. I just need some hopefully reassurance I guess.

Also I’m sorry my MH is really bad atm too which has led me to asking advice on here. ☹️
Absolutely not.
From what you say, you were acting under duress - extreme chronic stress from an abusive relationship and on top of that, an acute psychotic delusion. In those circumstances, any normal person would have acted out of character (and tbh, slapping an abuser is not abuse anyway - more like a justifiable attempt to fight back) . Besides, it was a decade ago. You don't have to hold onto stuff that happened so long ago.
But it does sound like you need some extra help just now - have you a crisis number you can ring? Meantime, have you some techniques you can use to help ease your anxiety and get things in perspective?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
YOURE NOT AN ABUSER.
not only was your hallucination the culprit for making you act that way but there was also a power imbalance due to him being abusive to you. he was the abuser.
Thank you for your reassurance 😥have a nice rest of your day x
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by OxFossil)
Absolutely not.
From what you say, you were acting under duress - extreme chronic stress from an abusive relationship and on top of that, an acute psychotic delusion. In those circumstances, any normal person would have acted out of character (and tbh, slapping an abuser is not abuse anyway - more like a justifiable attempt to fight back) . Besides, it was a decade ago. You don't have to hold onto stuff that happened so long ago.
But it does sound like you need some extra help just now - have you a crisis number you can ring? Meantime, have you some techniques you can use to help ease your anxiety and get things in perspective?
Hi, thank you for your reassurance, I’m just constantly filled with guilt, and wanting to turn myself in to the police but MH nurse just says no it’s not your fault but I can’t get it in my head what people are saying.

I tried to call my nurse and I’m waiting for a call back otherwise it will have to be out of hours. Thank you for your helpful reply though I do appreciate it a lot 😥x
0
reply
black tea
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
Of course not. You were not hitting the person because you wanted to harm them, you hit them because you were scared and hallucinating. I hope you are getting some support with your mental health.
0
reply
OxFossil
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi, thank you for your reassurance, I’m just constantly filled with guilt, and wanting to turn myself in to the police but MH nurse just says no it’s not your fault but I can’t get it in my head what people are saying.

I tried to call my nurse and I’m waiting for a call back otherwise it will have to be out of hours. Thank you for your helpful reply though I do appreciate it a lot 😥x
Hang onto the positive thoughts and wishes. Hope you have a quiet night and wake feeling a whole lot better x
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Current uni students - are you thinking of dropping out of university?

Yes, I'm seriously considering dropping out (185)
14.11%
I'm not sure (59)
4.5%
No, I'm going to stick it out for now (385)
29.37%
I have already dropped out (37)
2.82%
I'm not a current university student (645)
49.2%

Watched Threads

View All