I don’t want to move in to uni

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I’m meant to move in to uni this weekend but I don’t think I can do it. I’m having severe anxiety about it every day. It’s too much change all at once and I’m adamant that nothing anyone can say or do will get me in the car to go.
But what do I do now?
It’s too far to commute so id have to transfer. Is that even something I can do so late in the day since other unis have already started the course but I haven’t. Plus the other unis I could transfer to have overnight fieldwork which is just as bad.
My other option would be to drop out completely.
I don’t know what to do, please help.
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possibly human
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What is it specifically that you're anxious about? Is it the flatmates? Is it the unfamiliar teaching staff? In general, most people feel anxiety to some degree when making such a big move. I did. And I'm not going to lie, my anxiety wasn't completely wrong - some things were indeed difficult to adapt to. But unless you have plans to be comfortably numb forever, dropping out would not be a smart idea.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by possibly human)
What is it specifically that you're anxious about? Is it the flatmates? Is it the unfamiliar teaching staff? In general, most people feel anxiety to some degree when making such a big move. I did. And I'm not going to lie, my anxiety wasn't completely wrong - some things were indeed difficult to adapt to. But unless you have plans to be comfortably numb forever, dropping out would not be a smart idea.
I know you shouldn’t make decisions when you’re upset or angry but I really don’t think I can do it. It’s too much all at once.
I want to get the degree but I just can’t convince myself to move out. I’m adamant that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get me in the car even though it seems like I’ll end up doing it anyway.
Now I just don’t know what to do?
I guess my main options are delay moving in as there’s no in person till Friday, not move in at all and end up attempting to transfer because I can’t commute or just not go to uni all together

The problem is that don’t know teachers or where things are and that worries me. I’m also concerned about the work. And moving out is a big deal. New place, new people, no more hugs from mum and dad.
I don’t want to run away from my problems and I feel guilty for not wanting to go after spending money on it but I really don’t see myself making it through this.
I just feel like it’s too much all at once.
I have a lot of physical symptoms of anxiety too So it’s not just that I’m worried it’s also that being worried makes me physically sick

I just can’t make myself go through that in a new place, with new people, no mum for support and starting uni at the same time. It’s too much
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University of Portsmouth Student Rep
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Moving out and going to university is a huge life change for everyone. Even the most confident people are nervous and are worried about being away from family and having to make new friends, but if you do make the leap, I can guarantee that you will find like minded people that you can can befriend at your own comfort. It's not an easy change for anyone, and it's completely normal to have these fears. If you seriously cannot do it, some unis are allowing you to move in after the first term, could you do that? Do not feel forced to put yourself in a situation where you are unhappy, but for most people it takes them a while to settle in and get over the nerves. For me, it took me until second year to fully feel that I was happy and comfortable at uni, and now I honestly prefer being here to home, as you can have a completely fresh start at uni and find amazing people that you choose to be friends with. There are so many positives to uni that can override feelings of loneliness, but make sure you make the best decision for your mental health and also your studies. There should be welfare groups and people there to support you if you need it

Sophie - Official Student Rep
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Anonymous #2
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trust me, uni is a lot less stressful than sixthform or college.
how about go there for a day trip and within that day, get to know the area and where things are, and write it down
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possibly human
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know you shouldn’t make decisions when you’re upset or angry but I really don’t think I can do it. It’s too much all at once.
I want to get the degree but I just can’t convince myself to move out. I’m adamant that there’s nothing anyone can say or do to get me in the car even though it seems like I’ll end up doing it anyway.
Now I just don’t know what to do?
I guess my main options are delay moving in as there’s no in person till Friday, not move in at all and end up attempting to transfer because I can’t commute or just not go to uni all together

The problem is that don’t know teachers or where things are and that worries me. I’m also concerned about the work. And moving out is a big deal. New place, new people, no more hugs from mum and dad.
I don’t want to run away from my problems and I feel guilty for not wanting to go after spending money on it but I really don’t see myself making it through this.
I just feel like it’s too much all at once.
I have a lot of physical symptoms of anxiety too So it’s not just that I’m worried it’s also that being worried makes me physically sick

I just can’t make myself go through that in a new place, with new people, no mum for support and starting uni at the same time. It’s too much
I understand what you mean about having symptoms. Dizziness, stomach problems, overeating. I had anxiety all my life. Sometimes even going to a supermarket was a challenge to me. I had a lot of trouble adjusting to uni. I didn't realize just overwhelming the student halls and the drinking culture surrounding them would be for me. I felt a bit like an outsider, and because of that my anxiety was through the roof most of the time.

It's very energy consuming for our brains to be found in a completely unfamiliar territory, and so it is trying it's best to keep you in a safe space. But as far as that side of your brain is concerned, you should stay in that safe space forever. Now, tomorrow and for the rest of your life. But if your past is anything like mine, you know that this safe space doesn't last for a long time. It's an illusion. Parents change their attitudes, friends move on, things change. And what happens then? Anxiety gets even greater. And when you realize that you were sacrificing your future self for the present self, it can be very devastating.

My recommendation is that you should go. As tempting as it is not to. I don't know what degree you chose to study and what your likes/dislikes are so I can't comment on that, but take it from a person who felt anxiety just like you - I would do it again. You wil learn a lot, and find a lot about yourself. The worst that will happen is you will drop out and return home. But you might very well find that the most severe stage of anxiety passes within a week , and that uni isn't so bad.
Last edited by possibly human; 3 weeks ago
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Joleee
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you need to first find out if and how you can get out of your tenancy agreement because it’s usually not something you can just walk away from. if it’s giving you this much anxiety and you can’t tranfer or don’t want to i would seriously consider taking a gap year (if that’s possible) so that you get to the point where you know for sure that uni is for you. uni isn’t for everyone at 18 or any age and there’s nothing wrong with that.
Last edited by Joleee; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joleee)
you need to first find out if and how you can get out of your tenancy agreement because it’s usually not something you can just walk away from. if it’s giving you this much anxiety and you can’t tranfer or don’t want to i would seriously consider taking a gap year (if that’s possible) so that you get to the point where you know for sure that uni is for you. uni isn’t for everyone at 18 or any age and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I really want to go home but my parents are refusing. They want me to stick it out. I e basically already decided it’s not for me. I don’t care if I live the course or the uni or been planning for months. I don’t want to be here anymore. How can I convince them to let me go home
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