Anonymous #1
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I moved into uni a few days ago and I want more than anything to be back home. I was originally supposed to start last year but ended up taking a deferral as I felt so anxious about it all and didn't want to leave home. After a lot of thought I decided to take my deferred place as I want to get the degree and convinced myself I would be able to get past the other stuff. The whole typical 'uni lifestyle' that everyone talks about isn't for me. I don't drink and I'm not a fan of parties or clubs - but I have been constantly told that shouldn't be an issue. My flatmates are nice but they are into those things so I've been alone a lot. I've spent most of my time crying in my room and wishing more than anything that I was back home with my parents. I've hardly been eating and have a constant sinking feeling in my stomach. I really don't know what to do. Nobody seems to be taking covid seriously either. We aren't supposed to be mixing with other flats but a lot of people seems to be doing so. Under normal circumstances, I might have met other people like me who feel homesick and don't wish to go out drinking, but the restrictions are making it impossible. Is anyone else feeling the same? I feel as though it's just me.
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Alstoo
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What you are going through can be a growth experience, even if it feels tough.

However the idea is to challenge yourself, not to suffer unbearably and if it gets to be too much you might think of leaving. Even if it feels like an eternity, it's only been a few days and is probably far too soon to decide.
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2childmum!
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Coming on here and sharing how you feel is a really good start to finding ways to feel better. Have you contacted the support people at uni? The uni itself will have support in place, and there is probably something run by the student union as well - have a look around on the uni and student union websites. Lots of unis also have a Nightline which you can phone and talk to someone during the night. Talking to someone will help you feel a bit better, and they may be able to give you suggestions about things you could join in with. If that feels too difficult, copy the post you have posted here and send it to the support people at uni, so they can help you.

Moving to uni is huge and lots of people do find it difficult and overwhelming. It is more difficult at the moment because of Covid - as you say it is more difficuly to meet people who are more like you - and there will be plenty of them out there.

Are there any societies you can join who maybe are doing something in person or even on-line - something you can join in with which you enjoy? Is there any sport going on which you could join in with, even if you are not that sporty. Has your course actually started yet? You might feel better once you actually have something to do. Have you found any whatsapp or Facebook groups for others doing your course? You might be able to meet up with one or two people on those, even if it's just outside to go for a walk and talk about your subject.

I think you need to go out for a walk each day too - even if it's just to a shop to buy yourself a sandwich or something else you enjoy to eat - you will start to feel worse if you don't eat, and you will feel worse if you just stay indoors. It can be difficult to motivate yourself to do this but it will make a difference.

Try and cope with one day at a time - find one thing to do each day which takes you out of your flat. Tell yourself that you can cope until the end of today/this week/this month/ this year. Remind yourself of why you want to study your subject, what excites you about it, why you decided to go to uni.

But at the end of the day, if you have tried all these, and really reached out and spoken to people about how you feel, but still feel the same way,
it might be better to go home. But not yet, not until you have given yourself a really good try at making in work.

I hope you find some people - even just one person- to connect with, and things start to feel better soon
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 2childmum!)
Coming on here and sharing how you feel is a really good start to finding ways to feel better. Have you contacted the support people at uni? The uni itself will have support in place, and there is probably something run by the student union as well - have a look around on the uni and student union websites. Lots of unis also have a Nightline which you can phone and talk to someone during the night. Talking to someone will help you feel a bit better, and they may be able to give you suggestions about things you could join in with. If that feels too difficult, copy the post you have posted here and send it to the support people at uni, so they can help you.

Moving to uni is huge and lots of people do find it difficult and overwhelming. It is more difficult at the moment because of Covid - as you say it is more difficuly to meet people who are more like you - and there will be plenty of them out there.

Are there any societies you can join who maybe are doing something in person or even on-line - something you can join in with which you enjoy? Is there any sport going on which you could join in with, even if you are not that sporty. Has your course actually started yet? You might feel better once you actually have something to do. Have you found any whatsapp or Facebook groups for others doing your course? You might be able to meet up with one or two people on those, even if it's just outside to go for a walk and talk about your subject.

I think you need to go out for a walk each day too - even if it's just to a shop to buy yourself a sandwich or something else you enjoy to eat - you will start to feel worse if you don't eat, and you will feel worse if you just stay indoors. It can be difficult to motivate yourself to do this but it will make a difference.

Try and cope with one day at a time - find one thing to do each day which takes you out of your flat. Tell yourself that you can cope until the end of today/this week/this month/ this year. Remind yourself of why you want to study your subject, what excites you about it, why you decided to go to uni.

But at the end of the day, if you have tried all these, and really reached out and spoken to people about how you feel, but still feel the same way,
it might be better to go home. But not yet, not until you have given yourself a really good try at making in work.

I hope you find some people - even just one person- to connect with, and things start to feel better soon
Thank you for your response!

No I haven't contacted anyone at the uni - I wouldn't really know who to talk to or how to contact them. The idea also makes me feel anxious too. Since I've been here, I haven't had contact with any sort of official person (e.g. college manager, welfare, student reps, etc.). I understand they are probably not in the position to just turn up at the flat, but just an email would be nice.

I'm not sure what's happening in regards to societies - we've not bee given any information. I am in group chats with my course and accommodation blocks, but the general chat seems to always be revolving around where there is a party that night. My course starts next week but we have some online welcome talks and an in person activity day which I'm hoping will give me the chance to meet some people doing my subject that I might get on well with.

I'm hoping things will feel better soon and I'm determined not to quit before the course starts.
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Mkb24764
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Best of luck. Hopefully it'll get better, though slowly. What's the alternative though ? Going home doesn't improve your long term situation, quite the opposite. Now you're trying to improve things, well done and keep trying.
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2childmum!
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There will be links to student support services on the uni website - with an email address so you could just send them what you have posted here

Once your course starts that will give you something to think about and do, and if you have one in person contact that will be great for meeting some more people


My daughter has had endless emails from different people at the uni she is at - it seems a bit strange that you haven't heard anything. Having said that, things like societies you do have to try and find out about a bit more on your own. Again, there should be a link to the student union on the uni website and societies will be there.


Take care and i hope all goes well
Last edited by 2childmum!; 3 weeks ago
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manatee88
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Hi created an account just to let you know you aren't alone. It's my first full day at uni and I have exactly zero friends. I was counting on getting along with flatmates for the first week but it seems like they all have their own friend groups already. I feel really homesick and just finished crying alone in my room haha. I'm pretty shy and inserting myself into groups/parties is really daunting. I know we should be putting ourselves out there more but I've just been starting off with small things like saying hi to people who are alone and wandering around sometimes (even though it's embarrasing). I really hope things get better for both of us .
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by manatee88)
Hi created an account just to let you know you aren't alone. It's my first full day at uni and I have exactly zero friends. I was counting on getting along with flatmates for the first week but it seems like they all have their own friend groups already. I feel really homesick and just finished crying alone in my room haha. I'm pretty shy and inserting myself into groups/parties is really daunting. I know we should be putting ourselves out there more but I've just been starting off with small things like saying hi to people who are alone and wandering around sometimes (even though it's embarrasing). I really hope things get better for both of us .
I feel the same! The other flat mates seem to get along a lot better with each other than they do with me so I'm feeling very alone. I've been trying to push myself and even went to a bar with them one night, but I felt very out of place and ended up leaving after a while. I've been trying to be friendly with people and even said hi to a couple of people I walked past the other day - only to hear them s******ing about me behind my back which knocked my confidence. I just feel so overwhelmed and missing home so much.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Mkb24764)
Best of luck. Hopefully it'll get better, though slowly. What's the alternative though ? Going home doesn't improve your long term situation, quite the opposite. Now you're trying to improve things, well done and keep trying.
That's what I keep thinking, but I really am so miserable.
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University of Portsmouth Student Rep
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved into uni a few days ago and I want more than anything to be back home. I was originally supposed to start last year but ended up taking a deferral as I felt so anxious about it all and didn't want to leave home. After a lot of thought I decided to take my deferred place as I want to get the degree and convinced myself I would be able to get past the other stuff. The whole typical 'uni lifestyle' that everyone talks about isn't for me. I don't drink and I'm not a fan of parties or clubs - but I have been constantly told that shouldn't be an issue. My flatmates are nice but they are into those things so I've been alone a lot. I've spent most of my time crying in my room and wishing more than anything that I was back home with my parents. I've hardly been eating and have a constant sinking feeling in my stomach. I really don't know what to do. Nobody seems to be taking covid seriously either. We aren't supposed to be mixing with other flats but a lot of people seems to be doing so. Under normal circumstances, I might have met other people like me who feel homesick and don't wish to go out drinking, but the restrictions are making it impossible. Is anyone else feeling the same? I feel as though it's just me.
Hello,

I'm sorry you're feeling this way - this is 100% a natural thing to be feeling, and there will be a lot of other people feeling the same! Some universities have sober societies that are specifically about friendship not drinking and may be themed to other interests. The night life is really not the same as before covid - your flatmates will probably settle down and get bored of going out quicker than normal which means you won't be as alone. Give yourself a chance to adapt to the new situation - its a massive life change but definitely worth it!


Sophie
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Mkb24764
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's what I keep thinking, but I really am so miserable.
At some point in life, unless you never move out, you're going to have to face some of these things. Better to do so with the uni support network and the goal of a degree than at a later point with no support. Look into groups and interests that don't involve going out perhaps, e.g. online games, dungeons and dragons maybe.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I moved into uni a few days ago and I want more than anything to be back home. I was originally supposed to start last year but ended up taking a deferral as I felt so anxious about it all and didn't want to leave home. After a lot of thought I decided to take my deferred place as I want to get the degree and convinced myself I would be able to get past the other stuff. The whole typical 'uni lifestyle' that everyone talks about isn't for me. I don't drink and I'm not a fan of parties or clubs - but I have been constantly told that shouldn't be an issue. My flatmates are nice but they are into those things so I've been alone a lot. I've spent most of my time crying in my room and wishing more than anything that I was back home with my parents. I've hardly been eating and have a constant sinking feeling in my stomach. I really don't know what to do. Nobody seems to be taking covid seriously either. We aren't supposed to be mixing with other flats but a lot of people seems to be doing so. Under normal circumstances, I might have met other people like me who feel homesick and don't wish to go out drinking, but the restrictions are making it impossible. Is anyone else feeling the same? I feel as though it's just me.
I feel exactly like this, so glad I'm not alone. It feels so awful and suffocating
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HanzBananz10
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I feel exactly the same. I cry multiple times every single day and I really want to go home. My parents say that if that's what I really want then they will support my decision. But i'm worried i'm making my decision too quickly because I am homesick (This is my 5th day here), but I really don't think I can be here much longer. I'm constantly nervous, lost my appetite, and have a low mood. And I have always found it hard to talk to people, even with past friends, so this is even more amplified.

Plus, with covid going on, I feel like it's much harder to meet people, and I'm not in a flat, but halls so I don't really see much of the same people very often. Its very isolating. I am thinking would it be so bad to just stay at home and commute this year (as im doing a foundation year and then moving onto my course next year) and then next year I can live by myself, and hopefully live in a flat so its easier to meet people, also hopefully then covid will not be a problem so i can meet people in the uni as well.
Really struggling on what to do, not gonna lie.
Last edited by HanzBananz10; 3 weeks ago
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naeology
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I’ve been at uni a week and a half and feel pretty similar. Though there are more good days than bad, my bad days are almost unbearable. I’m 3 1/2 hrs away from home, 2 of my flatmates are showing Covid symptoms and 3 are getting tested tomorrow.

I’m normally quite anxious but this is just next level and it hits me when I’ve finished my work and have suddenly got nothing to think about. I’ve cried so many times already and I just never imagined that uni would be this strenuous on my mental health. My flatmates are all so lovely but we’re not very similar (I’m not a fan of drinking), I’ve always been horrible at socialising and now that I’m Isolating I definitely can’t meet people so it’s just 10 times worse. I didn’t even engage in freshers and now it feels like I’m being punished for something I didn’t even do.

To all you guys above I’d say just wait until your course starts. I started on Monday and I’ve been feeling a bit better because I’ve got other things to focus on. We’ve got to stay positive and look for light on the other side.

Maybe we should all just make a gc and become friends🙃🙂
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Tonya.KS
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Heyy don't stress honestly! I posted in another thread about flatmates. Universities always advertise the excitement and flatmates being your beat pals. Let me tell you, they are not.

I never liked flatmates when I was in uni. I respected them, was nice and polite and helped each other out with domestic stuff but that was it. I don't drink or party and I didn't meet any like minded friends until second year second semester. I was a bit frustrated at the start but I had a 'oh well, it's all going to be fine' attitude and that helped. But they did cause me a lot of stress and anxiety but you just need to find a way to cope. Like another person, said it's personal growth.

When I was in first year i tried my best to put myself out there and at the end of the day I was happy with myself. I get exhausted after socialising but I would tell myself, you're going to bed soon anyway and I usually watch something funny like a TV show before I sleep. you just need to figure what your coping mechanism is.

Mine was tv shows or head phones in for hours when my flatmates were partying and worked on something I like, I paint so I did that for hours when I'm not studying. If things get out of hand, you can report them quietly but this is the last resort obviously.

If you feels homesick, video chat your parents or family. Talk to them before you go to bed. It'll make you feel better and 'recharged'.

Don't worry, lots of people don't drink or party too. You won't meet them until later because they are in their rooms too!

DM for more if you wanna talk.
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Tonya.KS
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and you can do it!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel exactly like this, so glad I'm not alone. It feels so awful and suffocating
Yeah I feel completely trapped. I'm so miserable but I don't know what choice I have other than to stick it out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HanzBananz10)
I feel exactly the same. I cry multiple times every single day and I really want to go home. My parents say that if that's what I really want then they will support my decision. But i'm worried i'm making my decision too quickly because I am homesick (This is my 5th day here), but I really don't think I can be here much longer. I'm constantly nervous, lost my appetite, and have a low mood. And I have always found it hard to talk to people, even with past friends, so this is even more amplified.

Plus, with covid going on, I feel like it's much harder to meet people, and I'm not in a flat, but halls so I don't really see much of the same people very often. Its very isolating. I am thinking would it be so bad to just stay at home and commute this year (as im doing a foundation year and then moving onto my course next year) and then next year I can live by myself, and hopefully live in a flat so its easier to meet people, also hopefully then covid will not be a problem so i can meet people in the uni as well.
Really struggling on what to do, not gonna lie.
My parents say the same and hater seeing me so upset. I've been video calling them and I'm always in tears. Has ur course started yet? Mine only starts next week so I don't want to quit before then as I'm hoping things will change. I feel completely trapped to be honest. I don't want to be here anymore and I'm so miserable but if I leave I don't know what I'd do. I just feel completely useless.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by naeology)
I’ve been at uni a week and a half and feel pretty similar. Though there are more good days than bad, my bad days are almost unbearable. I’m 3 1/2 hrs away from home, 2 of my flatmates are showing Covid symptoms and 3 are getting tested tomorrow.

I’m normally quite anxious but this is just next level and it hits me when I’ve finished my work and have suddenly got nothing to think about. I’ve cried so many times already and I just never imagined that uni would be this strenuous on my mental health. My flatmates are all so lovely but we’re not very similar (I’m not a fan of drinking), I’ve always been horrible at socialising and now that I’m Isolating I definitely can’t meet people so it’s just 10 times worse. I didn’t even engage in freshers and now it feels like I’m being punished for something I didn’t even do.

To all you guys above I’d say just wait until your course starts. I started on Monday and I’ve been feeling a bit better because I’ve got other things to focus on. We’ve got to stay positive and look for light on the other side.

Maybe we should all just make a gc and become friends🙃🙂
Oh no that's so scary! There are rumours going around that people in other flats are getting tested here too. I'm so worried about it all and don't feel safe at all. I'm trying to stick it out until my course starts but I just want to be back home. I'd feel so much better if we were able to just work from home. I don't see the difference as everything is online anyway. Some of us could be in the same uni and not even know!
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naeology
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh no that's so scary! There are rumours going around that people in other flats are getting tested here too. I'm so worried about it all and don't feel safe at all. I'm trying to stick it out until my course starts but I just want to be back home. I'd feel so much better if we were able to just work from home. I don't see the difference as everything is online anyway. Some of us could be in the same uni and not even know!
I know exactly how you feel! A third flatmate has Covid symptoms now for me I have to isolate because the majority of my flat (3 out of 5) are showing symptoms.

Is your course entirely online? It’s just such a hard decision - you may regret moving out but it’s so so important that you feel safe! How are you feeling today? Do you think your still leaning more to going home?
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