Messed thing up

So I had an offer from a extremely top university but I wasn't even sure if I wanted to study the course and tbh I didn't know what I wanted to study as I had never taken the time to explore my interest really. So this university gave me the option to defer until next year, which I really regret not taking, but I doubted myself and stupidly listened to my parents and decided to go this year. Firstly I thought I might as well try it out and see if its what I want which is a bad mentality to have and also I thought I might end up in the same position in January and still not know what to study. However I didn't take into account the course will mostly be online thus I won't ever get a good enough knowledge of the course to decide if it for me also I will have to be dedicated to the course therefore have little time to research and explore my interest. I've realised I could have deferred this year, don online course e.g. Harvard online course to get a sense of what I'd like to study at uni. Then spent rest of my time on hobbies ( currently learning languages, riding bike, volunteering). This would've saved money and time in future. I'm really annoyed at myself as I feel like I threw away a lifeline by just following what my mum, who has never been to uni, said and being scared to go against her word. I definitely don't want to be a person who in the future just does what there parents think, later on regret not spending there time doing what they like. Since time is so precious. Idk what to do. I still haven't started uni, I start in less than 2 weeks, is it too late to ask them to reconsider allowing me defer. I only gave my decision about the deferral to them 3 days ago and they seemed very helpful. I was mainly scared of being bored out of my mind and fomo if I took a gap year. I know what I would do until January but other than that I have no clue. I applied to internships but they rejected me which made me lose motivation. Also with the current reccession job prospects look bleak. I've basically lost a lifeline and feel myself taking the path towards some I don't want to become. I want to have a clearer understanding of my strengths/likes/dislikes whilst I am young and have time to explore. What can I do ?
I've ruined a lot for my future self because I was too scared to tell my mum I wanted to defer. And tbh her response to me wanting to defer was telling me that she'd kick me out because ' I raised you all these years for nothing !'. She's a very emotionally manipulative, entitled mum. This probably comes from her thinking she knows exactly what's best for us thus we must be obedient to her. I just want to set myself up for I life where I can truly say I lived for myself not for anyone elses dream. Life would only be fulfilling that way otherwise I'd be full of regrets. Another one of my problems is I never know how to make decisions until it is too late. Only after the deadline do I think 'oh that's what I should've done'. This all possibly stems from my lack of confidence in my abilities & anxiety. Which I feel could be sorted if I took some time to explore my interest and find out more about myself. This would save me a lot of grief in the future.
- a very confused 18 year old girl

Reply 1

JSTUYI

Idk if I've posted in the right section

Reply 2

McGinger

In one sentence - what is your question?

Reply 3

fluffy20930

wait so are you deferring and then doing research and stuff and finding out what you like and then applying for courses next year or are you deferring a year and then doing the same course?

Reply 4

JSTUYI

Original post by McGinger

In one sentence - what is your question?

What the heck can I do to get out of this situation ?
Basically, would it be too late to ask to reconsider my deferral or should I just suck it up and get through the course. I feel like I'd be making a fool out of myself by asking admission to reconsider my deferral. I feel like I've put myself in a bad position for the future and sort of heading forward in life with no real direction. It would be a waste to just go into uni just cos, wouldn't it ?.
I was hoping to do a couple of online course to see what I am interested in academically although I have no real plan for January onwards. So I'm not sure if I'd have a 'productive' gap year either. Classes will be online anyways until Jan so I'd have no real way of telling whether the course is for me before the UCAS deadline. I'd hate to be half way through the course only to realise the course isn't for me as then have to drop out.

Reply 5

Xarao

Original post by JSTUYI

You really should avoid writing a whole block, it's just so unpleasant to read.

Anyways, to answer your question, yes stick it out. You essentially used up a years funding from SFE already, whether you finish the year or not. Also, you have the year to decide if you do want to move to another course or stick with it.

Reply 6

JSTUYI

Original post by fluffy20930

wait so are you deferring and then doing research and stuff and finding out what you like and then applying for courses next year or are you deferring a year and then doing the same course?

Basically the plan was defer, find out what I like. If it turns out the course I originally applied to is the one I want to do then keep it ( at least I know for sure I like the course). If it turns out there's another course I'd rather do then I'd decline my deferred offer then reapply for 2021 entry at for the course I choose. But stupidly I doubted myself sort of listened to my family and rushed into uni this year. So now I am starting the course with no clue whether it's suited for me :/
I'm wondering whether I should even bother asking them to defer my entry since it starts in a little over a week.

Reply 7

JSTUYI

Original post by Xarao

Sorry I'm truly crap at explaining myself. Yep true, that's the only option I have I guess. Thanks for the help

Reply 8

Xarao

Original post by JSTUYI

Sorry I'm truly crap at explaining myself. Yep true, that's the only option I have I guess. Thanks for the help

It's all good. Things will work itself out, just don't make a decision without thinking it through. Hope it works out for you though.

Tldr

Original post by JSTUYI

It's natural for some people to change their minds about the uni and the course. No uni would want you to go there and have doubts. Best to raise it with the uni asap and ask to defer. They are oversubscribed so will probably be glad to allow you to defer.