my asian parents are making my life hell

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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i hate this life i was forced to live. my parents aren’t that bad - i go see my friends every week, i have weekend trips are a good social life. they have bought e whatever i want but

they want me to marry a musli. they keep mentioning arrange marrying me, they’d be so upset knowing i have a non muslim non asian boyfriend. They’re racist too so they would probably verbally and physically abuse when they realise he’s black.

my boyfriend is converting but it’s a long process and they’ll still not accept hi. everytime i’m having dinner i think about telling them and how they’ll kick me out the house. right now i’m trying to save money . But hiding my relationship and living in this house is making me so depressed and i don’t know who to talk to
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Cayne barker
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i hate this life i was forced to live. my parents aren’t that bad - i go see my friends every week, i have weekend trips are a good social life. they have bought e whatever i want but

they want me to marry a musli. they keep mentioning arrange marrying me, they’d be so upset knowing i have a non muslim non asian boyfriend. They’re racist too so they would probably verbally and physically abuse when they realise he’s black.

my boyfriend is converting but it’s a long process and they’ll still not accept hi. everytime i’m having dinner i think about telling them and how they’ll kick me out the house. right now i’m trying to save money . But hiding my relationship and living in this house is making me so depressed and i don’t know who to talk to
Hello, I’m not too sure on what I can say on the matter but I do believe that no matter what life throws at you or the hand you’ve been given you should always Ben yourself and strive forward. I’m sorry to hear your parents don’t support which obviously Ian a huge part of who you are or at least you believe they won’t understand or want to. I think it’s really amazing that your boyfriend is willing to convert for you and a shame it’s not enough as you said. I think depending on your age? To really focus on what you want and how to have a positive life with who ever you want. As you said you are saving money which is great! I’d say maybe try arranging and talking your boyfriend about moving out together as a plan b and being prepared for it if they do decide you can’t stay there anymore or it becomes to hard to live there. I really hope for your sake that they understand and support you, and you can truly be yourself. Hope this helps in some way.
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Ki Yung Na
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i hate this life i was forced to live. my parents aren’t that bad - i go see my friends every week, i have weekend trips are a good social life. they have bought e whatever i want but

they want me to marry a musli. they keep mentioning arrange marrying me, they’d be so upset knowing i have a non muslim non asian boyfriend. They’re racist too so they would probably verbally and physically abuse when they realise he’s black.

my boyfriend is converting but it’s a long process and they’ll still not accept hi. everytime i’m having dinner i think about telling them and how they’ll kick me out the house. right now i’m trying to save money . But hiding my relationship and living in this house is making me so depressed and i don’t know who to talk to
Not often I advise going against parents. But sometimes you have to.

Racism is not Islamic. It’s completely against Islamic teachings.

You have to talk to them though. And they will judge him appropriately. They have to see who he is. They will be able to read his intentions for the most part.

This is how I’d proceed. Parents do want what’s good for children.
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Anonymous #2
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I has indian parents and i empathise. Although our community doesn’t promote arranged marriage anymore in the UK, I empathise.

My suggestion to you is to tell them you are not interested in marriage yet as you are focusing on your education. That is one language they all understand. Then when you have finished uni and got a job, then you can broach the subject of your black bf if you two are still serious. Then if they have any objections, you can move out. Whatever happens, try avoid going to pakistan “to see a sick grandma” as I have read about too many cases where stuff like that is used to trick young girls to going abroad then being locked into a dingy room until they have a forced marriage.

If your parents are talking about arranged marriage, it’s unlikely they will give up on the subject so just be careful about travelling abroad with them!

Few charities you could contact for advice:

https://karmanirvana.org.uk

https://www.refuge.org.uk/our-work/f...rced-marriage/
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i hate this life i was forced to live. my parents aren’t that bad - i go see my friends every week, i have weekend trips are a good social life. they have bought e whatever i want but

they want me to marry a musli. they keep mentioning arrange marrying me, they’d be so upset knowing i have a non muslim non asian boyfriend. They’re racist too so they would probably verbally and physically abuse when they realise he’s black.

my boyfriend is converting but it’s a long process and they’ll still not accept hi. everytime i’m having dinner i think about telling them and how they’ll kick me out the house. right now i’m trying to save money . But hiding my relationship and living in this house is making me so depressed and i don’t know who to talk to
No parents are perfect.
You parents have been - on the whole - good enough.

Pragmatic solution is to abide by their rules whilst you live with them
As soon as you have finished your A levels, leave home. Go to a uni in a different city or get a job in a different city.

When you are renting your own living place it will be your rules. Which means that you will not have any racist nor religionist rules as to who you have as a boyfriend.
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NowAndThen
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Any relationship needs lots of work by both parties. An interracial which also involves religious differences will be as hard as it gets. Unless both of you are prepared to fight for each other, it will be very difficult. If you really want to forge a path that's not what your parents want, then your first need is independence, especially financially. You must be realistic and mature about this. And, you must be prepared to face all the objections including walking away from your family until they can, one day, accept you and your preferred life. That day may not come. There's lots for you to consider.
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SoulfulTwist
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Is he converting because he genuinely believes or for you?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i hate this life i was forced to live. my parents aren’t that bad - i go see my friends every week, i have weekend trips are a good social life. they have bought e whatever i want but

they want me to marry a musli. they keep mentioning arrange marrying me, they’d be so upset knowing i have a non muslim non asian boyfriend. They’re racist too so they would probably verbally and physically abuse when they realise he’s black.

my boyfriend is converting but it’s a long process and they’ll still not accept hi. everytime i’m having dinner i think about telling them and how they’ll kick me out the house. right now i’m trying to save money . But hiding my relationship and living in this house is making me so depressed and i don’t know who to talk to
Hey, I’m sorry for what you’re going through. As a Muslim myself, I understand why they want the person you marry to be a Muslim. But him being black should have no relation to this decision whatsoever. Your parents need to be aware and accepting of 2 things (according to Islam) and that is his religion and character.
Also just curious since your said your bf will be converting, but is he doing that for you or for the actual religion you gets what I mean?
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