Girlfriend has self confidence issues - Please help!!

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Anonymous #1
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Okay I am 16 and my gf is 15 and she doesnt like her appearance, she "doesn't love herself" as she says.

I send her paragraphs full of why I love her and how she looks and how she looks beautiful (because she is, I honestly cannot see anything wrong with how she looks), but she still doesn't like how she looks.

She said that she wants work done in the future and that scared the life out of me because I am petrified she will go so far and get huge boobs and a scary face-lift like u see on those celebs.

So from you all, I would love some ways I can make her more confident with her body to a point that she doesn't feel like she needs work done to herself.

Thank you all in advance!
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learner38
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Well it’s nice that you tell her she’s beautiful. But it all comes from within. Her self love is what is the problem. It will take some time but she will love herself her confidence just needs to build. So yes you’re helping her but it’s not going to stop her fully from the way she views herself. Rather than just saying she’s beautiful. Tell her that “she’s more than how she views herself” like say things like idk you wish she could see how beautiful she is stuff like that rather than saying she’s is beautiful. I wish I can say the perfect advice but it’s all from within.
Last edited by learner38; 3 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by learner38)
Well it’s nice that you tell her she’s beautiful. But it all comes from within. Her self love is what is the problem. It will take some time but she will love herself her confidence just needs to build. So yes you’re helping her but it’s not going to stop her fully from the way she views herself. Rather than just saying she’s beautiful. Tell her that “she’s more than how she views herself” like say things like idk you wish she could see how beautiful she is stuff like that rather than saying she’s is beautiful. I wish I can say the perfect advice but it’s all from within.
Thank you very much for that! I will try
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learner38
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you very much for that! I will try
No problem idk if this will help but https://www.wikihow.com/Teach-Someon...ove-Themselves
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Chamberlain3000
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I'm the same age as her and I also have self-love issues. But sometimes it is because girls think they're not good enough or they dwell too much on what other people think. I used to think day and night about what other people thought about me and it destroyed me every single fricking time. Until quarantine happened and I didn't need to see another stranger to embarrass myself in front of. I spent time by myself just thinking and letting it all out. I basically took a reset vacation and flushed out the bad things in my life. She could be thinking the same thing. Maybe sit her down with a nice cuppa and some fruits (fruits are refreshing) and give her a little pep talk, none of that gushy talk, and get serious. Ask her what she's feeling, why she thinks that she doesn't like her appearance, and give her a hug. Get her some makeup and skincare things and show her that she is beautiful not just tell her. Other wise, idk what could help. Maybe she needs a new supportive friend who has her back all the way.
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sunny.side.up
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay I am 16 and my gf is 15 and she doesnt like her appearance, she "doesn't love herself" as she says.

I send her paragraphs full of why I love her and how she looks and how she looks beautiful (because she is, I honestly cannot see anything wrong with how she looks), but she still doesn't like how she looks.

She said that she wants work done in the future and that scared the life out of me because I am petrified she will go so far and get huge boobs and a scary face-lift like u see on those celebs.

So from you all, I would love some ways I can make her more confident with her body to a point that she doesn't feel like she needs work done to herself.

Thank you all in advance!
have you guys been intimate yet? (sorry if this is tmi :blushing:) i know sometimes guys will point out all the girls 'imperfections' or insecurities and kiss them. and make her feel as beautiful as ever
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
have you guys been intimate yet? (sorry if this is tmi :blushing:) i know sometimes guys will point out all the girls 'imperfections' or insecurities and kiss them. and make her feel as beautiful as ever
We have not been intimate apart from kissing, so I havent seen any parts under the trousers or top. But that is such a good idea. She is mostly concerned about how skinny she is because she wants to put on a bit of weight then work out so she can get a nice booty 🤭
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chamberlain3000)
I'm the same age as her and I also have self-love issues. But sometimes it is because girls think they're not good enough or they dwell too much on what other people think. I used to think day and night about what other people thought about me and it destroyed me every single fricking time. Until quarantine happened and I didn't need to see another stranger to embarrass myself in front of. I spent time by myself just thinking and letting it all out. I basically took a reset vacation and flushed out the bad things in my life. She could be thinking the same thing. Maybe sit her down with a nice cuppa and some fruits (fruits are refreshing) and give her a little pep talk, none of that gushy talk, and get serious. Ask her what she's feeling, why she thinks that she doesn't like her appearance, and give her a hug. Get her some makeup and skincare things and show her that she is beautiful not just tell her. Other wise, idk what could help. Maybe she needs a new supportive friend who has her back all the way.
Good idea, I will do that. She loves tea so it will be easy to sit her down
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by learner38)
No problem idk if this will help but https://www.wikihow.com/Teach-Someon...ove-Themselves
Thank you! This really helped me, I used a fair amount of these on her just now
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sunny.side.up
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We have not been intimate apart from kissing, so I havent seen any parts under the trousers or top. But that is such a good idea. She is mostly concerned about how skinny she is because she wants to put on a bit of weight then work out so she can get a nice booty 🤭
ok, well once you guys are maybe try kissing each place she's insecure about.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sunny.side.up)
ok, well once you guys are maybe try kissing each place she's insecure about.
Will do
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Chamberlain3000
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Good idea, I will do that. She loves tea so it will be easy to sit her down
np x. Also i saw some other people asking about ur intimacy w her. That is private matter and don't give away with what u do bc that is so private. If she wants to achieve goals then talk to her about it and support her all the way so she can see her potential and how amazing she is. If she wants to get into her desired shape, support her. And on bad days, make it the best days for her. Don't just be a boyfriend be her best friend. The best friend is the most important in a relationship.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chamberlain3000)
np x. Also i saw some other people asking about ur intimacy w her. That is private matter and don't give away with what u do bc that is so private. If she wants to achieve goals then talk to her about it and support her all the way so she can see her potential and how amazing she is. If she wants to get into her desired shape, support her. And on bad days, make it the best days for her. Don't just be a boyfriend be her best friend. The best friend is the most important in a relationship.
Wow that was a great little paragraph from you. I took a good load of quotes from that, and I think you summed up what a perfect relationship is very well
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Chamberlain3000
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Wow that was a great little paragraph from you. I took a good load of quotes from that, and I think you summed up what a perfect relationship is very well
np mate. I've taken notes from others who have experienced relationships and taken notes from it. I guess i am a relationship therapist for my own friends without realising it.
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LovelyMrFox
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Self confidence is not as simple as someone telling you that you're pretty. You can be there to support her ( post two is quite good ) but ultimately that is something she needs to figure out on her own.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Chamberlain3000)
np mate. I've taken notes from others who have experienced relationships and taken notes from it. I guess i am a relationship therapist for my own friends without realising it.
Haha I guess you are!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Self confidence is not as simple as someone telling you that you're pretty. You can be there to support her ( post two is quite good ) but ultimately that is something she needs to figure out on her own.
But how will she figure it out on her own? She is a little overthinker and has self harmed before so I fear she will go extreme and get some crazy face lift or something
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sinfonietta
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There isn't anything you can do, except make sure that you aren't a negative influence. By this I mean take care not to be too critical and think before you speak. Telling her how much you love her and complimenting her will not change the way she views herself. Self-love is an independent journey.
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But how will she figure it out on her own? She is a little overthinker and has self harmed before so I fear she will go extreme and get some crazy face lift or something
Shes 15, I doubt shes going to do a face lift :lol: A lot of girls struggle with self confidence at that age.
Its just like figuring any other insecurity out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Shes 15, I doubt shes going to do a face lift :lol: A lot of girls struggle with self confidence at that age.
Its just like figuring any other insecurity out.
Haha I know not now, but we are both in this for the long term, so I dont want her to get work done when she is older like in her 20s I mean. And then I don't want her to go the other way and get too chubby because that poses various health risks x
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