Ruhab Dabeer
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Hey everyone, I have a mate that does AQA Biology at A level and would like to ask if you guys could have a look at his essay (going to post it soon) and see how it is like and whether he would get 11-15 marks or 16-20 and what he needs to improve on and if so could you give examples on how he could improve a particular bit
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Theloniouss
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Is he doing it privately? Surely he can ask a a teacher (who will be able to mark it more accurately)
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kekedoyouloveme?
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I've been told I'm near the top band, those essays seem so easy but they're acc not, key is always to relate back to the question and actually it doesn't need to be an elaborate English essay.

Also, you don't need to go out of spec to obtain full marks!
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by Theloniouss)
Is he doing it privately? Surely he can ask a a teacher (who will be able to mark it more accurately)
He tried that but his teacher won't reply
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
I've been told I'm near the top band, those essays seem so easy but they're acc not, key is always to relate back to the question and actually it doesn't need to be an elaborate English essay.

Also, you don't need to go out of spec to obtain full marks!
Is it possible for you to have a look at his Essay(a little section) and see if it is good
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Ruhab Dabeer)
Is it possible for you to have a look at his Essay(a little section) and see if it is good
sure x
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
sure x
Here is part of the essay? Can you have a look at what he needs to improve on and roughly what band he would be in?Name:  Essay plan.jpg
Views: 15
Size:  131.7 KBName:  Essay intro for proteins.jpg
Views: 13
Size:  140.2 KBName:  Essay protein paragraph 2.jpg
Views: 13
Size:  147.3 KB
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Ruhab Dabeer)
Here is part of the essay? Can you have a look at what he needs to improve on and roughly what band he would be in?Name:  Essay plan.jpg
Views: 15
Size:  131.7 KBName:  Essay intro for proteins.jpg
Views: 13
Size:  140.2 KBName:  Essay protein paragraph 2.jpg
Views: 13
Size:  147.3 KB
The second paragraph on antibodies look really good.

I couldn't read much of it, I'm blind as a bat but a suggestion, when you're talking about enzymes and digestion of starch into glucose, mention how glucose is important as it's a respiratory substrate. Always make sure he is linking back to the questions. Also try and get him to do 2 more paragraphs he should aim to do 4-5 paragraphs if he hasn't done so already. But yeah that's really detailed, good scientific knowledge! better than some of mine I can't lie. Hmm what else could you talk about with proteins. I guess muscle contraction, or nervous stimulation. I would also try and include other organisms such as plants. I don't know what for tbf in plants without going off on tangent.

Perhaps the importance of proteins when it comes to evolutionary relationships for classifying organisms, how a serum from one animal is maintained... etc.
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
The second paragraph on antibodies look really good.

I couldn't read much of it, I'm blind as a bat but a suggestion, when you're talking about enzymes and digestion of starch into glucose, mention how glucose is important as it's a respiratory substrate. Always make sure he is linking back to the questions. Also try and get him to do 2 more paragraphs he should aim to do 4-5 paragraphs if he hasn't done so already. But yeah that's really detailed, good scientific knowledge! better than some of mine I can't lie. Hmm what else could you talk about with proteins. I guess muscle contraction, or nervous stimulation. I would also try and include other organisms such as plants. I don't know what for tbf in plants without going off on tangent.

Perhaps the importance of proteins when it comes to evolutionary relationships for classifying organisms, how a serum from one animal is maintained... etc.
Hey could you check out his third paragraph and give feedback as wellName:  Essay protein paragraph 3.jpg
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Ruhab Dabeer)
Hey could you check out his third paragraph and give feedback as wellName:  Essay protein paragraph 3.jpg
Views: 11
Size:  139.8 KB
it's good but the ending could be scrapped out, just say it's important for oxygen to be carried to tissues to meet respiratory demand. It's not asking about changes and the shift of affinities. It can be simple and short. Talk about, how it has 4 chains alpha chains and beta chains, you can talk about coperative binding, the ease at which the second and third oxygen molecules can bind on, allowing oxygen to be transported.
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
it's good but the ending could be scrapped out, just say it's important for oxygen to be carried to tissues to meet respiratory demand. It's not asking about changes and the shift of affinities. It can be simple and short. Talk about, how it has 4 chains alpha chains and beta chains, you can talk about coperative binding, the ease at which the second and third oxygen molecules can bind on, allowing oxygen to be transported.
Have a look at his final paragraph and once again give some feedback and thanks for the helpName:  Essay protein paragraph 4.jpg
Views: 6
Size:  154.1 KB
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Ruhab Dabeer)
Have a look at his final paragraph and once again give some feedback and thanks for the helpName:  Essay protein paragraph 4.jpg
Views: 6
Size:  154.1 KB
Glucose can pass into the body, but it's a large polar molecule, so has to bind to carrier proteins! good job tho
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Ruhab Dabeer
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
Glucose can pass into the body, but it's a large polar molecule, so has to bind to carrier proteins! good job tho
Roughly and approximately how many marks would you give him out of 25. and can you have a look at his other essay which is called "Control of movement" and give that a mark out of 25 like as roughly and guesstimate it . Name:  Essay control of movement plan.jpg
Views: 5
Size:  101.5 KBName:  Essay control of movement paragraph 1.jpg
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Size:  49.3 KBName:  Essay control of movement paragraph 2.jpg
Views: 4
Size:  161.2 KBName:  Essay control of movement paragraph 3.jpg
Views: 4
Size:  136.0 KBName:  Essay control of movement paragraph 4.jpg
Views: 3
Size:  151.0 KB
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