My boyfriend has adhd

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Anonymous #1
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I think my boyfriends adhd is ruining our relationship.. please help! Any tips on how we can improve it?
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Anonymous #2
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Can you elaborate? In what ways is it affecting your relationship? I have ADHD and am hyper aware of the ways mine has affected past relationships.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Can you elaborate? In what ways is it affecting your relationship? I have ADHD and am hyper aware of the ways mine has affected past relationships.
so like he’ll have outbursts over minor issues, or says things and acts is not nice ways before he thinks, often over complicates stuff etc
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Dunnig Kruger
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Either tolerate him and make allowances for him.

Or if you are not happy enough doing that, get a boyfriend without ADHD.

There is no magic wand that you can wave to turn him into something that he's not.

No boyfriend will ever be perfect. It's always going to be a case of whether any boyfriend is good enough overall or not.

If at any point any boyfriend is not good enough overall for you, then it's time to leave him and move onto the next.

When a boyfriend is good enough overall for you, do not try to change him. Although if he wants to change himself, by all means give him all the support you can.
Do not nag your boyfriends. Do not criticise your boyfriends too often - like about more than twice per year per topic of criticism.
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Ki Yung Na
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Communication is even more important than it normally would be in this relationship.

You have to work with it, or think about moving on.

To work with it, you have to realise sensory wise - he’s not as typical as others. Best thing to do is read into it and figure out where you can help and where you cannot and then whether or not you want to be involved with him.
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CosmicApathy1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think my boyfriends adhd is ruining our relationship.. please help! Any tips on how we can improve it?
It never seems to be about helping the person who actually has ADHD. It always seems to be about the person being "inconvenienced" by the other person who has ADHD smh
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Either tolerate him and make allowances for him.

Or if you are not happy enough doing that, get a boyfriend without ADHD.

There is no magic wand that you can wave to turn him into something that he's not.

No boyfriend will ever be perfect. It's always going to be a case of whether any boyfriend is good enough overall or not.

If at any point any boyfriend is not good enough overall for you, then it's time to leave him and move onto the next.

When a boyfriend is good enough overall for you, do not try to change him. Although if he wants to change himself, by all means give him all the support you can.
Do not nag your boyfriends. Do not criticise your boyfriends too often - like about more than twice per year per topic of criticism.
I don’t try to change him I just want him to be able to control his anger, which he says he’s going to work on. I support him a lot it can just get tiring
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
so like he’ll have outbursts over minor issues, or says things and acts is not nice ways before he thinks, often over complicates stuff etc
This is super typical ADHD stuff. There are many techniques he can use to diffuse outbursts but they'll still happen because his emotional intensity is set to 11. The key as mentioned above is clear communication. I have outbursts at my partner and they're very patient with me, but they also know that when they happen, they're not necessarily directed at them. A lot of the time it's misdirection, so fussing/getting annoyed over insignificant things are usually because I'm stressed about something else.

He isn't going to change, his brain is wired this way. He's also probably gone through a lot of hardship because of the ADHD, and being held to neurotypical standards, then subsequently punished for not being able to meet them. It's great that he's trying to work on it, but if his emotional intensity is too much for you, you need to question if you can be in a relationship with a neurodivergent person.
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Moonlight rain
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t try to change him I just want him to be able to control his anger, which he says he’s going to work on. I support him a lot it can just get tiring
If he can’t control his anger and it is affecting you then leave.
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9/10gyal
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either you learn about it and help him/tolerate

or leave.

its not a bad thing to leave due to that. maybe morally but who cares. although staying would probs help his situation. you're choice tbh.
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Beast boy
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I think my boyfriends adhd is ruining our relationship.. please help! Any tips on how we can improve it?
Come to me
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ChickenMadness
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ADHD can't be cured. Best he can do is manage it with a healthy lifestyle and exercises like meditation, etc. And to walk away to deal with his emotions when he's angry.

Medication can help a lot if he hasn't tried that yet.
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ChickenMadness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is super typical ADHD stuff. There are many techniques he can use to diffuse outbursts but they'll still happen because his emotional intensity is set to 11. The key as mentioned above is clear communication. I have outbursts at my partner and they're very patient with me, but they also know that when they happen, they're not necessarily directed at them. A lot of the time it's misdirection, so fussing/getting annoyed over insignificant things are usually because I'm stressed about something else.

He isn't going to change, his brain is wired this way. He's also probably gone through a lot of hardship because of the ADHD, and being held to neurotypical standards, then subsequently punished for not being able to meet them. It's great that he's trying to work on it, but if his emotional intensity is too much for you, you need to question if you can be in a relationship with a neurodivergent person.
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