Bf's Questionable behaviour

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Disclaimer: I'm not mad but, just wanted advice tbf

So me and my boyfriend have been together for quite a while, long-term and everything.

Recently, this week we've had arguments well only one but it was a rift nonetheless, we made up today.

Tonight, we were just going on about our evenings, and he messaged me saying he was watching a YouTube Video.

It was about some guy, doing a Q n A with his Girlfriend.

My boyfriend snapped me the vid.

He then goes "I don't get it this guy's a three and he's bagged himself an 8" by this he meant this guy's a 3/10 looks wise... You all know what I mean.

He then made fun of his fringe and stuff.

I said "they're both cute tbf, she's an 8 and he isn't too bad looking"

he goes: "He;s worse looking than me"

and I said "really? he's not that bad looking tbf"

He's like "I think I look better and I'm ugly" and I said he's not that bad looking though, Like I genuinely didn't understand why he made it out to be like a comparison. I mean I guess it's so easy to compare ourselves, I always compared myself to girls alone, I never ever said to my boyfriend OMG she's a three how did she bag an 8. I think that's quite rude on it's own.

He then was adamant on saying he was better looking, I agreed but, said it wasn't a compeition and he could bag whoever he wants to bag.

I'm not pissed, but is this hinting at something? is he pissed he can't get himself a good looking girl or something, as he keeps on reiterating he's better looking than the guy, and that this said guy is a 3 but bagged an 8?

Like why does he care about youtubers and their gfs? I don't get it. If anyone cam help that would be grand.
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LovelyMrFox
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#2
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#2
Its an odd thing to put up a fight about, seems like it started out as a joke but then didnt appreciate you commenting on other guy's looks :dontknow:
I think you're overthinking it quite a bit.
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Anonymous #1
#3
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Its an odd thing to put up a fight about, seems like it started out as a joke but then didnt appreciate you commenting on other guy's looks :dontknow:
I think you're overthinking it quite a bit.
Why does he care though? if he bagged an 8 why can't people be so happy.

I am right, out of all the *****y things that are my fault, I know this isn't my fault.

People are so quick to view me as a monster and honestly, it vexes me. Why is it I'm suddenly overthinking?

If I said that I'd have sounded jealous tbf.

"He's a three how did he bag an 8" I said he's not that bad looking and what's it to you how he bagged an 8? like why's it such an issue how he bagged a pretty lady. That sounds so disrespectful.
he goes he just wanted to be appreciated and blamed it all on me

"I said you are better looking than him, you are the most handsome guy in the universe, you can bag whoever you want you know that right x" does that or does that not scream appreciation ;/ yet I knew somehow everythings my flipping fault
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Why does he care though? if he bagged an 8 why can't people be so happy.

I am right, out of all the *****y things that are my fault, I know this isn't my fault.

People are so quick to view me as a monster and honestly, it vexes me. Why is it I'm suddenly overthinking?

If I said that I'd have sounded jealous tbf.

"He's a three how did he bag an 8" I said he's not that bad looking and what's it to you how he bagged an 8? like why's it such an issue how he bagged a pretty lady. That sounds so disrespectful.
he goes he just wanted to be appreciated and blamed it all on me

"I said you are better looking than him, you are the most handsome guy in the universe, you can bag whoever you want you know that right x" does that or does that not scream appreciation ;/ yet I knew somehow everythings my flipping fault
Where did I ever say anything about it being your fault or you being a monster..? You clearly are quite upset about this regardless of the 'disclaimer' in your OP.

Perhaps you should be telling him that you find it disrespectful. He should not be blaming anything on you like that so dont let him.
It comes across as odd to me that you have to reassure your boyfriend that he can get any girl he wants... :curious:
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Where did I ever say anything about it being your fault or you being a monster..? You clearly are quite upset about this regardless of the 'disclaimer' in your OP.

Perhaps you should be telling him that you find it disrespectful. He should not be blaming anything on you like that so dont let him.
It comes across as odd to me that you have to reassure your boyfriend that he can get any girl he wants... :curious:
My disclaimer' was made a while ago before my boyfriend messaged me saying how It was my fault and how I ruin him "having a good time" so yeah now I do care.

I got so mad at how he was blaming me I said "I'll block you if you don't talk about it because all I'm trying to do is help" he kept calling me an interrogator, which really insulted me man.

And when I said I'd block he goes "Don't threaten me with a good time" that hurts ;/, all of yesterday we were arguing and I just wanted to make up for it.

So yes, my disclaimer was a disclaimer of how I felt 30 mins ago, Feelings change, I'm sure you're aware of that.

I spoke to him I said "listen tell me why you said what you said I can't help you if we don't know why you said what you said" he then said "why do you care" and I said "bc im your friend" ;/ Because I am at the end of the day, I know I may overreact but, when I try to be civil it just doesn't even work out, I feel like I can't win ;/

He told me it was "nothing and to drop it" yet he bought it up and all I said was no talk to me x, I was being soft and gentle because I legitimately just wanted to help.

I said he could have any girl, because I wanted to "reassure him" mainly because that's what I think he was getting at, it's odd is it not to have the first comment from a YouTube video be "He's a three how did he bag himself an 8" and I said they were a cute couple tbf and he's not that bad looking never said this guy was drop dead gorgeous. And he went on a rampage saying how this guy was ugly and how he being my bf was better looking. I agree, and I emphasised that so why does he need to feel insecure?

Instead isn't it weird to have a guy say "He's a three how did he get her" like why? why do you care how he's bagged an 8? then compare your looks to him? shallow. Why can't people be happy for other couples?

I reassured him, so he knows I wasn't offended I was essentially trying to get him to reveal why he said that, come on everyone knows thats a bit weird to say, so why say it?

If he said "he's ugly he's a three" fair enough I wouldn't have said anything it was the "how did he get her?" that did it? bit nosey.
I re-iterated that that wasn't nice, he said he didn't care and that he was just re-iterating other people's opinions.

I haven't done anything wrong. Maybe for yelling at him to piss off because I lost my temper at him bashing my head against the wall, but like why blame me? I explicitly swore I won't get mad.

I want to change and be supportive (always have been but my emotional outbursts are like tantrums) not the worlds best desirable trait, and I've got a long way to go but I genuinely with all of my heart tried to be a better person tonight. Can't win like I said.
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LovelyMrFox
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#6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My disclaimer' was made a while ago before my boyfriend messaged me saying how It was my fault and how I ruin him "having a good time" so yeah now I do care.

I got so mad at how he was blaming me I said "I'll block you if you don't talk about it because all I'm trying to do is help" he kept calling me an interrogator, which really insulted me man.

And when I said I'd block he goes "Don't threaten me with a good time" that hurts ;/, all of yesterday we were arguing and I just wanted to make up for it.

So yes, my disclaimer was a disclaimer of how I felt 30 mins ago, Feelings change, I'm sure you're aware of that.

I spoke to him I said "listen tell me why you said what you said I can't help you if we don't know why you said what you said" he then said "why do you care" and I said "bc im your friend" ;/ Because I am at the end of the day, I know I may overreact but, when I try to be civil it just doesn't even work out, I feel like I can't win ;/

He told me it was "nothing and to drop it" yet he bought it up and all I said was no talk to me x, I was being soft and gentle because I legitimately just wanted to help.

I said he could have any girl, because I wanted to "reassure him" mainly because that's what I think he was getting at, it's odd is it not to have the first comment from a YouTube video be "He's a three how did he bag himself an 8" and I said they were a cute couple tbf and he's not that bad looking never said this guy was drop dead gorgeous. And he went on a rampage saying how this guy was ugly and how he being my bf was better looking. I agree, and I emphasised that so why does he need to feel insecure?

Instead isn't it weird to have a guy say "He's a three how did he get her" like why? why do you care how he's bagged an 8? then compare your looks to him? shallow. Why can't people be happy for other couples?

I reassured him, so he knows I wasn't offended I was essentially trying to get him to reveal why he said that, come on everyone knows thats a bit weird to say, so why say it?

If he said "he's ugly he's a three" fair enough I wouldn't have said anything it was the "how did he get her?" that did it? bit nosey.
I re-iterated that that wasn't nice, he said he didn't care and that he was just re-iterating other people's opinions.

I haven't done anything wrong. Maybe for yelling at him to piss off because I lost my temper at him bashing my head against the wall, but like why blame me? I explicitly swore I won't get mad.

I want to change and be supportive (always have been but my emotional outbursts are like tantrums) not the worlds best desirable trait, and I've got a long way to go but I genuinely with all of my heart tried to be a better person tonight. Can't win like I said.
Sometimes its better to be respectful than it is right. There is no need to win an argument, it should rather be about coming to a civil compromise or agreement.
It sounds very toxic that you would threaten him with blocking him and him blaming it on you also isnt the healthiest. Does this happen often?
Did you tell him why you got angry in the first place? ( that you found what he said disrespectful? )

Anger is normal. Dont swear that your not going to feel a certain emotion, you cannot control that sometimes.
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Sometimes its better to be respectful than it is right. There is no need to win an argument, it should rather be about coming to a civil compromise or agreement.
It sounds very toxic that you would threaten him with blocking him and him blaming it on you also isnt the healthiest. Does this happen often?
Did you tell him why you got angry in the first place? ( that you found what he said disrespectful? )

Anger is normal. Dont swear that your not going to feel a certain emotion, you cannot control that sometimes.
I know I shouldn't have said block but I got mad, he was being downright disrespectful to me, when I say I have good intentions I mean it, I know I'm not the best. I'm fed up, blocking is the only thing that comes to mind when you're having a bloke having go's at you, telling you you start world war 3 his words not mine.

I was not having any need at all, as I have explicitly stated before, I had good intentions my intentions were to find out why he said what he said, because it was weird, my friends and his friends even said uno what, you're right ab that, it's weird he'd mention the fact that she was an 8.

Like all I wanted to know is why he said that, why did he get defensive, he doesn't even hear me out, then when I tell him where the door is because to be honest yeah, I know he can leave, I'm not as toxic or stupid to stop a person from leaving, if I'm that bad why does he stay? I don't threaten him with suicide, he does tho. I don't threaten him calling him a cheat and a sinner, he does tho. So why?

There is a lot of things people don't know no one's perfect, and I came on here believe it or not to find out why he said what he said I know not everyone reading this is psychic, I wanted to know why he might have said it, didn't say if I had a right or not to feel the way I feel, because frankly I do have a right.

I am fed up of being perceived as a bad guy, what is right, is right, I shouldn't need to sugar coat things to a boy who is no angel himself, if you understand that you would have a little bit of understanding, it's frustrating when I get bashed for absolutely what? Where on hells earth did I say to my bf "hey man you're a so and so and you're cheating on me and I wanna fight you" nowhere, didn't even overreact.

I wanted to find out out why he said what he said, but apparently at this rate sounds like I'd make a good police officer because "I interrogate".

I didn't interrogate, he blew things out of proportion in his head, and face it I can't blame him but like I said before he knows where the door is and he doesn't want to leave I can't force him too, and I don't want to leave, because it's not worth leaving over. But what I do hate is being perceived as a bad guy, I was just speaking to him.

I was even so disrespectful enough to say "you're so beautiful, you're better than him" guess that's just me being disrespectful like always. :rolleyes:
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LovelyMrFox
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#8
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#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
...
Like all I wanted to know is why he said that, why did he get defensive, he doesn't even hear me out, then when I tell him where the door is because to be honest yeah, I know he can leave, I'm not as toxic or stupid to stop a person from leaving, if I'm that bad why does he stay? I don't threaten him with suicide, he does tho. I don't threaten him calling him a cheat and a sinner, he does tho. So why?

There is a lot of things people don't know no one's perfect, and I came on here believe it or not to find out why he said what he said I know not everyone reading this is psychic, I wanted to know why he might have said it, didn't say if I had a right or not to feel the way I feel, because frankly I do have a right.

I am fed up of being perceived as a bad guy, what is right, is right, I shouldn't need to sugar coat things to a boy who is no angel himself, if you understand that you would have a little bit of understanding, it's frustrating when I get bashed for absolutely what? Where on hells earth did I say to my bf "hey man you're a so and so and you're cheating on me and I wanna fight you" nowhere, didn't even overreact.

I wanted to find out out why he said what he said, but apparently at this rate sounds like I'd make a good police officer because "I interrogate".

I didn't interrogate, he blew things out of proportion in his head, and face it I can't blame him but like I said before he knows where the door is and he doesn't want to leave I can't force him too, and I don't want to leave, because it's not worth leaving over. But what I do hate is being perceived as a bad guy, I was just speaking to him.

I was even so disrespectful enough to say "you're so beautiful, you're better than him" guess that's just me being disrespectful like always. :rolleyes:
Might have been something to include at the beginning He sounds very manipulative and toxic just going by that, why in the world are you still with this guy?
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Anonymous #1
#9
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Might have been something to include at the beginning He sounds very manipulative and toxic just going by that, why in the world are you still with this guy?
Bc everyone has their flaws, and most day's we're good, no one's perfect that's all I was re-iterating. I've been with him for 4 years, I've gone to the point where I can handle him, we haven't fought lately, yesterday was a fight, a stupid one, I started it lmfao. But, we genuinely get along and we were getting along so well.

I just don't want to be seen as a monster for doing nothing, yes I know I said I'd block him, heat of the moment I got mad, he kept saying it was my fault, saying how I was being dead in the convo ;/ he said "okay we just wont talk ab stuff then" I said "maybe we just won't talk full stop".

He always does this, he winds me up, but it's him who gets mad first it's not me, he'd say really hostile stuff like why do you care, I responded with bc I wanted to be his friend, and helped him, I said "if you're insecure talk to me, if you think you can't bag an 8 or something, you totally can" he got mad.

I don't want to start fights everyday people assume that by people I mean him, my mother, most of the times it's hard because I have ADHD (no excuse) and really beneath my vulgar language, I hurt easily, I'm sensitive he even went so far to say "Why are you so sensitive" like ;/ jee sherlock I don't know?

He's got autism, but I want to make sure he's looked after, we get along great, when we don't however, well.... we really don't I often say we become enemies to which we both get upset at that ;/ because we both see each other as dummies to throw childish insults at. We are looking for couples therapy, we rarely argue, we just want to cope when we do.
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Bc everyone has their flaws, and most day's we're good, no one's perfect that's all I was re-iterating. I've been with him for 4 years, I've gone to the point where I can handle him, we haven't fought lately, yesterday was a fight, a stupid one, I started it lmfao. But, we genuinely get along and we were getting along so well.

I just don't want to be seen as a monster for doing nothing, yes I know I said I'd block him, heat of the moment I got mad, he kept saying it was my fault, saying how I was being dead in the convo ;/ he said "okay we just wont talk ab stuff then" I said "maybe we just won't talk full stop".

He always does this, he winds me up, but it's him who gets mad first it's not me, he'd say really hostile stuff like why do you care, I responded with bc I wanted to be his friend, and helped him, I said "if you're insecure talk to me, if you think you can't bag an 8 or something, you totally can" he got mad.

I don't want to start fights everyday people assume that by people I mean him, my mother, most of the times it's hard because I have ADHD (no excuse) and really beneath my vulgar language, I hurt easily, I'm sensitive he even went so far to say "Why are you so sensitive" like ;/ jee sherlock I don't know?

He's got autism, but I want to make sure he's looked after, we get along great, when we don't however, well.... we really don't I often say we become enemies to which we both get upset at that ;/ because we both see each other as dummies to throw childish insults at. We are looking for couples therapy, we rarely argue, we just want to cope when we do.
Threatening suicide over disagreements is not healthy. Nor is blaming you on everything or calling you names. It doesnt matter how long you have been together or however many positive days you have, it is very concerning.
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Threatening suicide over disagreements is not healthy. Nor is blaming you on everything or calling you names. It doesnt matter how long you have been together or however many positive days you have, it is very concerning.
ik which is why Im going to the GP for my mental health.

We spoke just now he goes "I know you mean well but when I don't want to open up you can't force me to"

I mean well there's that then, nothing much I can do but just sleep on it ig
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