Independence and confidence

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I have struggled with confidence alot over the years. I constantly feel I have friends then don't. I know I am confident and outgoing but when I get in a situation such as education I feel scared of people and I don't know why anymore. I thought it was cause of my anxiety but everyone has that dont they? I also thought I had bi polar disorder as well, which goes in a constant loop in my head. I say nothing when I am around groups of people cause in my mind I dont know how to talk in a group. I want to be myself and get on with it. But I feel constantly anxious about doing everything right and perfectly and not letting myself go. Other people around me seem to have everything they want a good job and they get praise cause they are the only one with the skills for that job! great confidence no friend issues, I feel jealous and annoyed as you'd expect as why am i the one with no confidence???. Im the only one who has which annoys me is it cause I've been through so much that I don't want to make friends?? I want to make friends but I act like I don't want to know people. I zone out in situations Im scared off so badly I cant snap out of it. I can't sleep at all as i feel scared I won't wake up at the right time which sounds ridiulous but its not. I don't believe i can do stuff im good at and embarassed what people will think of me.
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FatmaR:)
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have struggled with confidence alot over the years. I constantly feel I have friends then don't. I know I am confident and outgoing but when I get in a situation such as education I feel scared of people and I don't know why anymore. I thought it was cause of my anxiety but everyone has that dont they? I also thought I had bi polar disorder as well, which goes in a constant loop in my head. I say nothing when I am around groups of people cause in my mind I dont know how to talk in a group. I want to be myself and get on with it. But I feel constantly anxious about doing everything right and perfectly and not letting myself go. Other people around me seem to have everything they want a good job and they get praise cause they are the only one with the skills for that job! great confidence no friend issues, I feel jealous and annoyed as you'd expect as why am i the one with no confidence???. Im the only one who has which annoys me is it cause I've been through so much that I don't want to make friends?? I want to make friends but I act like I don't want to know people. I zone out in situations Im scared off so badly I cant snap out of it. I can't sleep at all as i feel scared I won't wake up at the right time which sounds ridiulous but its not. I don't believe i can do stuff im good at and embarassed what people will think of me.
Hey I used to be the exact same so I know how it feels. Don’t worry you’re not alone it might just be a case of severe social anxiety. That’s what I have and by the way you’re describing it,it’s the same for me. I would suggest that you tell yourself everyday that you are good enough and that people like your company. Our minds are programmed to believe whatever we think the most. So if you think positive maybe it’ll be less severe? If not get it checked out by a professional. Hope this helped
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mgi
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#3
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#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I have struggled with confidence alot over the years. I constantly feel I have friends then don't. I know I am confident and outgoing but when I get in a situation such as education I feel scared of people and I don't know why anymore. I thought it was cause of my anxiety but everyone has that dont they? I also thought I had bi polar disorder as well, which goes in a constant loop in my head. I say nothing when I am around groups of people cause in my mind I dont know how to talk in a group. I want to be myself and get on with it. But I feel constantly anxious about doing everything right and perfectly and not letting myself go. Other people around me seem to have everything they want a good job and they get praise cause they are the only one with the skills for that job! great confidence no friend issues, I feel jealous and annoyed as you'd expect as why am i the one with no confidence???. Im the only one who has which annoys me is it cause I've been through so much that I don't want to make friends?? I want to make friends but I act like I don't want to know people. I zone out in situations Im scared off so badly I cant snap out of it. I can't sleep at all as i feel scared I won't wake up at the right time which sounds ridiulous but its not. I don't believe i can do stuff im good at and embarassed what people will think of me.
The very first thing to do is to stop comparing yourself with other people! It only causes you to suffer!
Secondly, you have a very low self esteem, overthinking everything in your head and dismissing your own abilities.
So what about counselling? talk therapy?
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how...nd-negativity/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress...w-self-esteem/
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Anonymous #1
#4
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(Original post by mgi)
The very first thing to do is to stop comparing yourself with other people! It only causes you to suffer!
Secondly, you have a very low self esteem, overthinking everything in your head and dismissing your own abilities.
So what about counselling? talk therapy?
https://thriveglobal.com/stories/how...nd-negativity/
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress...w-self-esteem/
Yes I do it's quite dilating how can a counsellor help u with that?
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ChickenMadness
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My heart goes out to you because I've suffered from crippling social anxiety since I was a teenager and your post is highly relatable. It's taken a long ass time to get over it, I'm still in the process of practicing my social and conversation skills with some of my trusted friends to gain more confidence.

Were you bullied alot when you were younger or had a difficult childhood? You might have internalized some traumatic events and negative beliefs about yourself.

Also you could look into Autism or ADHD and see if any of that is relatable to you. And talk to a GP about this stuff as well because they can refer you to mental health professionals.
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Anonymous #2
#6
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(Original post by ChickenMadness)
My heart goes out to you because I've suffered from crippling social anxiety since I was a teenager and your post is highly relatable. It's taken a long ass time to get over it, I'm still in the process of practicing my social and conversation skills with some of my trusted friends to gain more confidence.

Were you bullied alot when you were younger or had a difficult childhood? You might have internalized some traumatic events and negative beliefs about yourself.

Also you could look into Autism or ADHD and see if any of that is relatable to you. And talk to a GP about this stuff as well because they can refer you to mental health professionals.
can I ask how u got over SA? Currently battling it atm :/
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ChickenMadness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
can I ask how u got over SA? Currently battling it atm :/
Well my situation is a bit unique because I'm on disability benefits so don't really need a 9-5 job. So I've had loads of time the past few years to live with my family and focus on mental health. It's been a slow process of openning up to people like my family to begin with and honestly sharing what I think and feel without censoring myself. I've practiced talking to strangers and making friends on discord voice chat, while playing online games. And I've told the friends that I already have about my social anxiety and asked to practice talking to them via voice / video calls as well. I've also gone out to social events full of strangers and socialised but doing it too early on isn't helpful tbh. Taking baby steps to share my honest feelings with people and continuing to build on that helps the most.

But the other thing is I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD a couple years ago and started going to a support place full of social workers which helped a bit as well. I made an effort and was actually the most talkative person there alot of the time because it was full of other shy people and the social workers are easy to talk to because it's their job.
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Anonymous #1
#8
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(Original post by ChickenMadness)
My heart goes out to you because I've suffered from crippling social anxiety since I was a teenager and your post is highly relatable. It's taken a long ass time to get over it, I'm still in the process of practicing my social and conversation skills with some of my trusted friends to gain more confidence.

Were you bullied alot when you were younger or had a difficult childhood? You might have internalized some traumatic events and negative beliefs about yourself.

Also you could look into Autism or ADHD and see if any of that is relatable to you. And talk to a GP about this stuff as well because they can refer you to mental health professionals.
Bullied a bit at high school but I had an illness for a about 11 years of my life. I don't know if mentally that has affected my confidence, social skills and perception of things and sleep patterns. I try to say something meaningfull sometimes then i stop midflow as 'I don't know what im saying.' I seem to care what others think more than what I do for some reason. I feel i want to cry alot. My body freezes up when people i don't know and sometimes know are too close to me, i never had this before but its certainly not a good thing. It affects my studying as well. I don't feel like doing much. I sometimes say nothing in social groups. I get anxiety all through my body and mind- feels like its controlling me and I have to be perfect and I dont let myself go. I have looked at ADHD before but it doesnt have a very good test. What are the things to look for for it? As I do sometimes not feel normal, but whether thats getting over stuff i dont know. I can be very very stupid sometimes when going for buses and direction wise and i get all anxious and in a flap. I even sometimes get anxious going out and about with people. I don't know if i've let it build up or not. I get very over wrought about alot of things i shouldn't and its hard to get over it. I zone out badly when im scared of something and people have said i act weird but i can't snap out of it but am aware of it. what do you think this could be? My confidence is so bad i just want it fixed. I even loose my voice when im nervous and may have even developed a bad cold from it.
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curbyourfeminism
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#9
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have struggled with confidence alot over the years. I constantly feel I have friends then don't. I know I am confident and outgoing but when I get in a situation such as education I feel scared of people and I don't know why anymore. I thought it was cause of my anxiety but everyone has that dont they? I also thought I had bi polar disorder as well, which goes in a constant loop in my head. I say nothing when I am around groups of people cause in my mind I dont know how to talk in a group. I want to be myself and get on with it. But I feel constantly anxious about doing everything right and perfectly and not letting myself go. Other people around me seem to have everything they want a good job and they get praise cause they are the only one with the skills for that job! great confidence no friend issues, I feel jealous and annoyed as you'd expect as why am i the one with no confidence???. Im the only one who has which annoys me is it cause I've been through so much that I don't want to make friends?? I want to make friends but I act like I don't want to know people. I zone out in situations Im scared off so badly I cant snap out of it. I can't sleep at all as i feel scared I won't wake up at the right time which sounds ridiulous but its not. I don't believe i can do stuff im good at and embarassed what people will think of me.
I believe one of the purposes of living is to self-actualise; that is, to be the ideal version of yourself and find your place in society. First of all, you need to plan out the type of person you want to view yourself as, as well as what you want society to see you as. I want you to begin by stating what you do on a day-to-day basis, starting from the moment you wake up, to the moment you sleep. Include the times too, as this will help gauge where your time is being wasted and also used efficiently.

Next, focus on your health. I would say focus on your health first, but we need to establish what your life looks like first, hence why I want you to tell me what you do on a day-to-day basis. You need to make sure you drink enough water a day. I have been drinking 5l of water a day since I was 15, and my skin is really clear. More importantly, my urine is clear throughout the day, indicating that I am hydrated. If your urine is not clear or the lightest shade of yellow, you need to drink more water. Then, you need to make sure your food intake is good. Cut out all fizzy drinks and simply drink water. Fizzy drinks contain different types of acid, depending on the drink, as well as sugar, and each of them contribute to tooth decay and bad oral hygiene. Both of them combined, as with most drinks, is just a recipe for disaster for your teeth. Next, cut out all processed foods and sugars. You need to start eating clean foods that are nutritionally dense, so that your body is performing at its optimum rate. I recommend a plant-based diet, since this will contain no cholesterol, trans fat and also a minimal amount of salt. All three of these substances contribute to health conditions, and so your aim with food should be to eat what allows your body to be healthy, as well as giving you energy.

Then, you need to get good quality sleep. This is a personal thing for me, but I am fine with saying this. I began masturbation when I turned 16, and since then, I would do it just before I went to bed, so that it would make me tired and thus fall to sleep. I am now 19, and have since quit that bad practice. I am happy my spell with masturbation only lasted 3 years, since I consider it to be self-destructive and ultimately energy depleting for the most important tasks for your day. To get good quality sleep, make sure you relax your body by breathing in and out fully, allowing yourself to take the deepest breath in through your nose and the slowest breath out from your mouth. This is what works for me, but in your case, you will have to experiment. Also, do not drink a substantial amount of water before bed. I have an undiagnosed condition where even if I only drink 250ml of water an hour before bed, my body feels the need to empty out every single ounce of liquid in my bladder, and so this would cause problems with me while sleeping, since I had to always get up and urinate. Make sure your bed is comfortable too, as this also affects sleep quality.

After that, focus on exercise. I would recommend going to the gym 6 times a week, following a push, pull, legs and rest split. If you go on Aston University's website, they have an excellent template for you to use to begin weight-lifting. The gym will change your life for the better; believe me on that. Remember that everyone is in gym for the same reason; which is to gain muscle. Do not feel sad about starting off from zero weight on the bars; we all started from this place, and eventually, you will be in the position where you see someone your age, in a few years of course, being in the exact same position as you once were. Also, on your rest day, I would recommend going on a run for an hour. Running is free, and you simply run around your area. There are a lot of apps to use where you can set a circuit, so that you can run around for exactly 1 hour from your house and then back again. Furthermore, see if you can perform a sport during the day too. Most sports require more than one player, but there are some singular sports, like cycling. See if you can make one friend or sports buddy, so that you can increase your sporting capcity. You can then play table tennis, badminton, squash and many more two player sports. The possibiltiies are endless.

Then, focus on your clothing. What clothes do you wear? I am 19, and I always wear a turtleneck suit, since this is what I am comfortable with. I enjoy feeling professional all of the time, and since I go to university, I enjoy dissociating myself from the tracksuit and hoodie wearing degenerates. In all seriousness, I just like wearing a suit, as it feels natural to me. Along with clothing, look at your personal care. Things like conditioning your hair everyday, shampooing your hair once a week, making sure to wear roll-on deodrant after you shower, brushing your teeth for the required length, using mouthwash, flossing, keeping your hairstyle tidy, using a face wash twice a day, along with toner and moisturiser, SPF when going outside, eye cream and other natural remedies to reduce your dark circles, and many more are things to focus on.

If you are not comfortable with publicising what you do during the day, you can message me directly if you wish. I hope this all helped.
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Anonymous #1
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Well i could do with a better diet, doing more exercise. spending less. taking better care of myself.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I do it's quite dilating how can a counsellor help u with that?
If you read through your own posts you can see that you need professional help! You can barely sleep!
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Anonymous #1
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Yeah barely for 4 weeks but I'm doing so well coping with it all. People just dont understand how bad my sleep is and dont know what to do about it. How can a doctor help? I'm seeing a wellbeing person on friday. My anxiety and confidence is really bad I cant sleep as I dont know if I ll wake up at the right time? I dont know how I've let my mind think that! I dont know if that's anxiety or what it is.
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mgi
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#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah barely for 4 weeks but I'm doing so well coping with it all. People just dont understand how bad my sleep is and dont know what to do about it. How can a doctor help? I'm seeing a wellbeing person on friday. My anxiety and confidence is really bad I cant sleep as I dont know if I ll wake up at the right time? I dont know how I've let my mind think that! I dont know if that's anxiety or what it is.
It is anxiety, clearly. You can buy herbal sleep tablets from the chemist.
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