boyfriend has bad credit - am i delusional or lack empathy

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Anonymous #1
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I love my bf so much, he’s very caring and does try to spoil me. He saved up for our anniversary and is very affectionate.

My family are not rich my any means but my parents are professionals and own some property. My siblings are in the finance sector so money isn’t really a struggle for us generally.

My family don’t know about my boyfriend yet, i’m planning to tell them but i’m so worried as he has terrible credit. I’m sure my brother would be able to find out (very senior investment banker) or just in general it would be obvious when we struggle to rent a place because of his poor credit score (he has an IVA which means it will stay bad for 6 years).

Right now my boyfriend rents from private landlords that don’t need credit scores but if we wanted to move into our own place with an agent it’s going to be difficult. My family are going to judge him.

The debt that caused him to go into an iva was careless spending in his early 20s that lead to 7k debt. generally he’s not careless with money tho he just comes from a family who habe always struggles and didn’t get taught about money management. I pester him to save and i hope he does but i’m not sure - it’s not really my business.

Am i being really mean? should i be more understanding ??? Is debt/finance issues pretty standard in your 20s?
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Drewski
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I'd be more worried about your family judging someone for that.
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Trinculo
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Depends how serious you are. If you're just going out - who cares. If you might have a long term future, then having an IVA already is nothing to really joke about.
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Always_Confused
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You should be more understanding. People struggling through debt often don't have a choice. It has nothing to do with how well they can manage money.
Honestly, this really sounds like you're embarrassed about his background and you're covering this up by claiming you're worried about his credit. If he is privately renting and paying for his own utilities, phone contract, etc. All of this would contribute positively to his credit score anyway. Yes, it may still be poor, but he's probably working on it.
I actually think it's awful that you have considered getting your brother to find out your boyfriend's credit score. Why not speak to your boyfriend instead of doing something he would have every right to break up with you for. Bring up that you'd maybe like to buy a property with him soon. Ask if you could both apply for a credit rating so you can see what kind of financial standing you'd have to apply for a mortgage with. If his does come back quite low, then you know to wait a bit of time or speak to a mortgage advisor and see if your combined credit would be fine etc.
You're fine to be worried about finances, but this is all stuff you should be talking to him about, not slating him for on TSR. In my opinion you're being unfairly harsh on your boyfriend, especially given his background. If he came from a family who struggled with debt, chances are knowing you came from a family of financial privalege is probably an area of worry for him.
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threeportdrift
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I love my bf so much, he’s very caring and does try to spoil me. He saved up for our anniversary and is very affectionate.

My family are not rich my any means but my parents are professionals and own some property. My siblings are in the finance sector so money isn’t really a struggle for us generally.

My family don’t know about my boyfriend yet, i’m planning to tell them but i’m so worried as he has terrible credit. I’m sure my brother would be able to find out (very senior investment banker) or just in general it would be obvious when we struggle to rent a place because of his poor credit score (he has an IVA which means it will stay bad for 6 years).

Right now my boyfriend rents from private landlords that don’t need credit scores but if we wanted to move into our own place with an agent it’s going to be difficult. My family are going to judge him.

The debt that caused him to go into an iva was careless spending in his early 20s that lead to 7k debt. generally he’s not careless with money tho he just comes from a family who habe always struggles and didn’t get taught about money management. I pester him to save and i hope he does but i’m not sure - it’s not really my business.

Am i being really mean? should i be more understanding ??? Is debt/finance issues pretty standard in your 20s?
If you are serious about the relationship then his financial management skills are somewhat your business. However, they aren't your families business at all and I can't see how it would reasonably come up in any conversation.
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ReadingMum
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"I’m sure my brother would be able to find out (very senior investment banker)"
A senior investment banker would know better than to commit a sackable offence by accessing someone's credit information for personal use.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Always_Confused)
You should be more understanding. People struggling through debt often don't have a choice. It has nothing to do with how well they can manage money.
Honestly, this really sounds like you're embarrassed about his background and you're covering this up by claiming you're worried about his credit. If he is privately renting and paying for his own utilities, phone contract, etc. All of this would contribute positively to his credit score anyway. Yes, it may still be poor, but he's probably working on it.
I actually think it's awful that you have considered getting your brother to find out your boyfriend's credit score. Why not speak to your boyfriend instead of doing something he would have every right to break up with you for. Bring up that you'd maybe like to buy a property with him soon. Ask if you could both apply for a credit rating so you can see what kind of financial standing you'd have to apply for a mortgage with. If his does come back quite low, then you know to wait a bit of time or speak to a mortgage advisor and see if your combined credit would be fine etc.
You're fine to be worried about finances, but this is all stuff you should be talking to him about, not slating him for on TSR. In my opinion you're being unfairly harsh on your boyfriend, especially given his background. If he came from a family who struggled with debt, chances are knowing you came from a family of financial privalege is probably an area of worry for him.
we couldn’t run a credit check because he has an IVA. You can’t get a mortgage with that . that’s why i worry we can’t rent
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Moonlight rain
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And what about you? Can’t you afford your own apartment
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Trinculo)
Depends how serious you are. If you're just going out - who cares. If you might have a long term future, then having an IVA already is nothing to really joke about.
we are long term - dating for 2 years
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Moonlight rain)
And what about you? Can’t you afford your own apartment
Not alone no. but my credit is good
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Moonlight rain
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not alone no. but my credit is good
Then buy a cheaper apartment , don’t rely on him or anyone.
Last edited by Moonlight rain; 2 weeks ago
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ReadingMum
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Certainly don't create any financial associations (joint accounts, joint names on bills, etc) till his IVA is complete.
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Always_Confused
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(Original post by Anonymous)
we couldn’t run a credit check because he has an IVA. You can’t get a mortgage with that . that’s why i worry we can’t rent
So renting is the issue? You've already said he privately rents, so some landlords are clearly happy to rent to him. Some places may not do credit checks and would be happy with work and previous landlord references + a guarantor.
Yes you may get rejected by an agency or landlord wanting to run a credit check, but you'll still be able to rent somewhere. Your choices will be limited. Plus if you're renting together, they may be happy with your credit rating and allow you both to rent with you as lead tenant.
If you aren't ready for buying somewhere, I really don't see why his credit is such a big issue, especially when you've said yourself it will be bad for a while because of the IVA. Really there's nothing he can do other than wait and work to get his credit better. Which, by your first post, it sounds like he is doing.
His credit or spending history isn't your families business nor for them to judge. If you guys are going to move in with each other, it's between you and him.
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SoulfulTwist
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Depends on why he is in debt.
Is it due to unnecessary spending, or necesseties?
Does he currently budget and how is his spending habits now?
Will living together affect you worse than not living together?
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Anonymous #2
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It would be totally illegal for your siblings to look up the credit rating of your boyfriend without his written permission. If your brother does this, your boyfriend can sue your brother and pay off all his debts.

Sorted.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Always_Confused)
All of this would contribute positively to his credit score anyway. Yes, it may still be poor, but he's probably working on it.
The problem is if someone has an IVA, no amount of rebuilding will fix your credit for six years after you get the IVA. You are basically persona non grata, it is worse than getting a CCJ and nearly as bad as declaring bankruptcy.
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Always_Confused
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The problem is if someone has an IVA, no amount of rebuilding will fix your credit for six years after you get the IVA. You are basically persona non grata, it is worse than getting a CCJ and nearly as bad as declaring bankruptcy.
I understand that. It's unclear from the original post how far into those 6 years the boyfriend is. As an IVA ages, credit scores can start to improve though. It doesn't lock a credit score to a specific value, chances are while it's on a credit report, you just won't be able to do very much improvement and chances are while it's active, a score will remain bad.
I'm not saying his score will be good, I'm just saying, if he's privately renting, there will at least be something on his credit report that will eventually improve his score.
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Surnia
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The debt that caused him to go into an iva was careless spending in his early 20s that lead to 7k debt. generally he’s not careless with money tho he just comes from a family who habe always struggles and didn’t get taught about money management. I pester him to save and i hope he does but i’m not sure - it’s not really my business.

Am i being really mean? should i be more understanding ??? Is debt/finance issues pretty standard in your 20s?
Most people don't get taught money management, but manage not to have black marks against their name because of 'careless spending'.

His finances are your business if you want a future together as it's one of the main things that couples fall out over. Think about it; its not just renting, it's all the other expenses of any furniture or electricals you'd want to buy, utilities, wi-fi, food, socialising, clothes, birthdays and Christmas, holidays, cars..... If you moved in together could he pay his share, would he be living hand to mouth or barely contributing?

Talk to him, tell him you want to be living together and see how things stand.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
The problem is if someone has an IVA, no amount of rebuilding will fix your credit for six years after you get the IVA. You are basically persona non grata, it is worse than getting a CCJ and nearly as bad as declaring bankruptcy.
so even after his iva he won’t have good credit ?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It would be totally illegal for your siblings to look up the credit rating of your boyfriend without his written permission. If your brother does this, your boyfriend can sue your brother and pay off all his debts.

Sorted.
well i didn’t know it would be illegal . In that case i guess it’s alright.
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