Female virgin at 27. What's wrong with me :(

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
I've looked online and I can't see many people who feel the way I do, and I just feel alone.

I've read accounts of people who were virgins at a late age either by choice (religion, culture, assxuality), or not by choice (they just couldn't find someone)

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I've gone on many dates, met guys on nights out who seemed interested, but for some reason I've just not wanted to pursue anything. I've just not felt attracted or comfortable enough with them to take anything to the next level.

And I don't understand why. I'm not asexual, I don't think. I masterbate and fantasise about sex just like the rest of us. However I have never met a guy who I felt attracted enough to, or comfortable enough with to sleep with? I've never felt a connection with anyone.

And I do want a relationship and I do want sex and everything that comes with it. But when I'm in that moment, where I've met a guy and the opportunity arises, I just don't feel comfortable. And I know you literally must think "just do it!", but I can't. I have this mental block, and I feel uncomfortable. It's almost an aversion.

A few times I've made out with a guy when I was pushing myself into it, and I've felt so down afterwards. I can't explain it.
I feel like I have this great psychological barrier, and I can't work it out. It's almost as if I've had a bad experience in the past, when I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this or can offer advice? I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel alone, and I find it hard to picture a future for myself. I want a relationship, I even want a family in the future, but I just can't see it happening.
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ecolier
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#2
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There's nothing wrong with you.

The right person just haven't arrived yet, please don't feel bad.

If you feel strongly about it, why not speak to your GP?
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999tigger
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What ecolier said nothing wrong with you. Focus on yourself plus meet more new people. Make sure you arent being too rigid in sort of person, but you have to like them and if you dont feel like it, then dont. Maybe look in different places or refresh your dating skills.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ecolier)
There's nothing wrong with you.

The right person just haven't arrived yet, please don't feel bad.

If you feel strongly about it, why not speak to your GP?
Thank you for your kind words.

Tbh I have thought about speaking to the GP because I feel like I have such a mental barrier and I've turned down great guys in the past for reasons I can't explain. But I have friends who are suffering with issues a lot worse than mine and have not had access to therapy on the NHS or were stuck on a waiting list, so I feel it would be a waste of time.

I'm going to keep it mind though.
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Scottishlad888
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Nothing wrong with you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by 999tigger)
What ecolier said nothing wrong with you. Focus on yourself plus meet more new people. Make sure you arent being too rigid in sort of person, but you have to like them and if you dont feel like it, then dont. Maybe look in different places or refresh your dating skills.
Thanks for your reply.

Tbh my issue isn't so much with getting a date or meeting people. I've gone on many a Tinder date haha. I can't explain it, it's something my end. It's psychological.

The romantic part of me wonders whether maybe I just haven't met the right person, but then the cynical side of me says there is no such thing and the issues are all my end.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've looked online and I can't see many people who feel the way I do, and I just feel alone.

I've read accounts of people who were virgins at a late age either by choice (religion, culture, assxuality), or not by choice (they just couldn't find someone)

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I've gone on many dates, met guys on nights out who seemed interested, but for some reason I've just not wanted to pursue anything. I've just not felt attracted or comfortable enough with them to take anything to the next level.

And I don't understand why. I'm not asexual, I don't think. I masterbate and fantasise about sex just like the rest of us. However I have never met a guy who I felt attracted enough to, or comfortable enough with to sleep with? I've never felt a connection with anyone.

And I do want a relationship and I do want sex and everything that comes with it. But when I'm in that moment, where I've met a guy and the opportunity arises, I just don't feel comfortable. And I know you literally must think "just do it!", but I can't. I have this mental block, and I feel uncomfortable. It's almost an aversion.

A few times I've made out with a guy when I was pushing myself into it, and I've felt so down afterwards. I can't explain it.
I feel like I have this great psychological barrier, and I can't work it out. It's almost as if I've had a bad experience in the past, when I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this or can offer advice? I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel alone, and I find it hard to picture
a future for myself. I want a relationship, I even want a family in the future, but I just can't see it happening.
If you’re interested i’m down for booking up
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Ki Yung Na
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Don’t force yourself, you’ve already seen what it did to yourself.

Just wait, the right things happen at the right times. Luck is generally a good thing.
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999tigger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply.

Tbh my issue isn't so much with getting a date or meeting people. I've gone on many a Tinder date haha. I can't explain it, it's something my end. It's psychological.

The romantic part of me wonders whether maybe I just haven't met the right person, but then the cynical side of me says there is no such thing and the issues are all my end.
This is where sorting your self out will help you understand more about what you want and have the confidence to say yay or nay.
You have some minimum but not impossible standards?
Its just a case you will have to make more of an effort to find suitable or alternatively give way on some requirements. I cnat say whether you are being too discriminating or not.
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IVLIVSCAESAR
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've looked online and I can't see many people who feel the way I do, and I just feel alone.

I've read accounts of people who were virgins at a late age either by choice (religion, culture, assxuality), or not by choice (they just couldn't find someone)

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I've gone on many dates, met guys on nights out who seemed interested, but for some reason I've just not wanted to pursue anything. I've just not felt attracted or comfortable enough with them to take anything to the next level.

And I don't understand why. I'm not asexual, I don't think. I masterbate and fantasise about sex just like the rest of us. However I have never met a guy who I felt attracted enough to, or comfortable enough with to sleep with? I've never felt a connection with anyone.

And I do want a relationship and I do want sex and everything that comes with it. But when I'm in that moment, where I've met a guy and the opportunity arises, I just don't feel comfortable. And I know you literally must think "just do it!", but I can't. I have this mental block, and I feel uncomfortable. It's almost an aversion.

A few times I've made out with a guy when I was pushing myself into it, and I've felt so down afterwards. I can't explain it.
I feel like I have this great psychological barrier, and I can't work it out. It's almost as if I've had a bad experience in the past, when I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this or can offer advice? I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel alone, and I find it hard to picture a future for myself. I want a relationship, I even want a family in the future, but I just can't see it happening.
There's nothing wrong with you! And if you want a long term relationship, guys with a lot of choice would be much more likely to go for a girl who has had a more "conservative" past than the opposite
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ROTL94
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There's nothing wrong with you for being a virgin at 27, in and of itself but if you feel you have a psychological problem that renders it impossible to form romantic connections then it may be worth talking to someone about.
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Anonymous #3
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If there's an element of fear of the possible pain, look up vaginismus.
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Anonymous #4
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I'll smash if you want.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've looked online and I can't see many people who feel the way I do, and I just feel alone.

I've read accounts of people who were virgins at a late age either by choice (religion, culture, assxuality), or not by choice (they just couldn't find someone)

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I've gone on many dates, met guys on nights out who seemed interested, but for some reason I've just not wanted to pursue anything. I've just not felt attracted or comfortable enough with them to take anything to the next level.

And I don't understand why. I'm not asexual, I don't think. I masterbate and fantasise about sex just like the rest of us. However I have never met a guy who I felt attracted enough to, or comfortable enough with to sleep with? I've never felt a connection with anyone.

And I do want a relationship and I do want sex and everything that comes with it. But when I'm in that moment, where I've met a guy and the opportunity arises, I just don't feel comfortable. And I know you literally must think "just do it!", but I can't. I have this mental block, and I feel uncomfortable. It's almost an aversion.

A few times I've made out with a guy when I was pushing myself into it, and I've felt so down afterwards. I can't explain it.
I feel like I have this great psychological barrier, and I can't work it out. It's almost as if I've had a bad experience in the past, when I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this or can offer advice? I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel alone, and I find it hard to picture a future for myself. I want a relationship, I even want a family in the future, but I just can't see it happening.
You are really scared of commitment and intimacy for some reason. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but you should go and get some counselling. And also counselling will help you to boost your self confidence. Go for it and don't worry or feel pressured.
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply.

Tbh my issue isn't so much with getting a date or meeting people. I've gone on many a Tinder date haha. I can't explain it, it's something my end. It's psychological.

The romantic part of me wonders whether maybe I just haven't met the right person, but then the cynical side of me says there is no such thing and the issues are all my end.
Why can't you sign up for online counselling or talk therapy? its confidential. Are you at uni?
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Anonymous #5
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...
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Anonymous #6
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've looked online and I can't see many people who feel the way I do, and I just feel alone.

I've read accounts of people who were virgins at a late age either by choice (religion, culture, assxuality), or not by choice (they just couldn't find someone)

I guess I'm somewhere in the middle. I've gone on many dates, met guys on nights out who seemed interested, but for some reason I've just not wanted to pursue anything. I've just not felt attracted or comfortable enough with them to take anything to the next level.

And I don't understand why. I'm not asexual, I don't think. I masterbate and fantasise about sex just like the rest of us. However I have never met a guy who I felt attracted enough to, or comfortable enough with to sleep with? I've never felt a connection with anyone.

And I do want a relationship and I do want sex and everything that comes with it. But when I'm in that moment, where I've met a guy and the opportunity arises, I just don't feel comfortable. And I know you literally must think "just do it!", but I can't. I have this mental block, and I feel uncomfortable. It's almost an aversion.

A few times I've made out with a guy when I was pushing myself into it, and I've felt so down afterwards. I can't explain it.
I feel like I have this great psychological barrier, and I can't work it out. It's almost as if I've had a bad experience in the past, when I haven't.

Has anyone else felt like this or can offer advice? I can't talk to anyone about this and I feel alone, and I find it hard to picture a future for myself. I want a relationship, I even want a family in the future, but I just can't see it happening.
I could have written this post about myself (except a 27 year old male). I think my problem is a lack of confidence and fear of the unknown and taking a chance. Although my bigger problem is I don't know how to solve the problem!
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Callicious
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There's nothing wrong with you. Personally I feel like you'll find the right person in due time, maybe not yet, but at some point soon. COVID might make it a lil' difficult but there's always a summer after most stormy winters

Also, I hope you're ready for a line of thirsty guys reading that post and coming here with expectations of a chance at hitting on someone. I sure did! XD
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cherlloydfan1
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Hey there's nothing wrong with u, I also feel like this I'm just not interested in dating or sex either
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Anonymous370
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your reply.

Tbh my issue isn't so much with getting a date or meeting people. I've gone on many a Tinder date haha. I can't explain it, it's something my end. It's psychological.

The romantic part of me wonders whether maybe I just haven't met the right person, but then the cynical side of me says there is no such thing and the issues are all my end.
Where do people like me find girls like you ? I'm 24 M single, and it's ofc hard being single/lonely, especially at a time like this ...
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