Punjabi mother in law

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Gori33
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Hey i honestly just need some advice please. I feel really depressed about all this too!!

So im white and bf is Indian. His family dont speak any English... i speak very little punjabi! But i try with them well i tried but his mother has no interest in speaking to me, trying to speak to me, or even making me feel welcome. They still live in India and me and my bf live here in the uk. We have a baby and ive helped him with his visa, giving him driving lessons and all sorts. So the MIL wants to know my baby and everything and wants him to go to her in India to visit (but i dont think im invited in that) but dont want to know me. Ive tried saying hello on video chat but just get ignored!!

I just want to know why?? Why does this woman treat me like this? She dont even ask my bf about me!! Or if im ok....my parents always ask if my bf is ok!! And all he says is that i dont understand culture.
Can anyone explain why she is like this please.....T.I.A
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Thecrazydoughnut
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(Original post by Gori33)
Hey i honestly just need some advice please. I feel really depressed about all this too!!

So im white and bf is Indian. His family dont speak any English... i speak very little punjabi! But i try with them well i tried but his mother has no interest in speaking to me, trying to speak to me, or even making me feel welcome. They still live in India and me and my bf live here in the uk. We have a baby and ive helped him with his visa, giving him driving lessons and all sorts. So the MIL wants to know my baby and everything and wants him to go to her in India to visit (but i dont think im invited in that) but dont want to know me. Ive tried saying hello on video chat but just get ignored!!

I just want to know why?? Why does this woman treat me like this? She dont even ask my bf about me!! Or if im ok....my parents always ask if my bf is ok!! And all he says is that i dont understand culture.
Can anyone explain why she is like this please.....T.I.A
The typical MIL. In asian culture, the mother of the groom despises of who her son marries but has no say. The MIL is upset that you’re not of her culture, and therefore there’s a language barrier which is barricading her further from communicating with you.

Either way, it’s not hard to learn each other’s language when you put the time and the effort in. The MIL attitude towards you is quite disgusting to say the least but this happens to many Indian people unfortunately.
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Gori33
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(Original post by Thecrazydoughnut)
The typical MIL. In asian culture, the mother of the groom despises of who her son marries but has no say. The MIL is upset that you’re not of her culture, and therefore there’s a language barrier which is barricading her further from communicating with you.

Either way, it’s not hard to learn each other’s language when you put the time and the effort in. The MIL attitude towards you is quite disgusting to say the least but this happens to many Indian people unfortunately.
Thank you for your honesty....its really getting me down i have learnt some punjabi and have tried with hello but she just dont even reply to me tbh!! If she wanted to she cpuld spwak to me through my bf or even his nephew how lives with them as he speaks a little English!! His dad replies hello though....
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saturnsring12
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I’m sorry that is happening to you. I’m Punjabi and I can tell you that this is quite common in south Asian households since we are often expected to only be with people from our culture and honestly there is not much you can do when it’s her that needs to change. I would say just try to learn the language and maybe try asking you bf to reason with her. Hopefully it will get better with time tho cos this concept is probably very foreign to her
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SoulfulTwist
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Honestly, don't let your child go to India until they accept you and even then I would be wary.
And tell your partner he should have made clear what the culture was like before you got into a relationship, and that you don't want to put up with that. He should at least show you enough decency by telling his mother to at least try and work with you.
Ofc, his mother won't listen but for him to just say 'oh that's culture' shows he is accepting of it, or he would atleast be a man and say it how it is.

Like the username
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londonmyst
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Don't allow her behaviour to upset you or your child.
It is awful that this is happening to you and your family.
Always remember that you have not done anything wrong.
She is the one who has chosen to be nasty and you don't have to get involved with her.
Don't appease her, directly verbally speak to/engage with her or allow her negative attitude to make you feel bad.
She must never be in any position that will allow her to teach your child her bad attitude, split up your family or live in the same household as you.

The reasons are probably a mix of: strict family traditions, an insular mindset connected with caste-religion-nationality and a woman with an overbearing toxic personality that guarantees "monster-in-law" behaviour.
I wouldn't be surprised if she is known to be in the habit of directing this horrid behaviour against other female partners of her children.

This type of situation is half the reason why I won't date any guys who are in contact with their parents, close with extended family members or are "family values" orientated.
I used to date a guy with a vicious religious mother; she hated my guts wanted everyone to know it and was in the habit of travelling to Britain with no advance warning just to try to start a spat or humiliate me before an audience.
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