I can't do thisWatch
For contextual information: I'm a resit student, wanting to apply to university, this year.
I have already finished off my application, my predicted grades are good.
However the exam fees were 740 pounds for me to resit which of course took a big toll out of my parent's financial money. We already were really tight, I stopped tuition to save, and did everything (UCAT prep) all by myself and paid for the exam myself.
I am getting a job as soon as Autumn exams are over in-fact I've started applying to Jobs, so I can pay my parents back.
My brother is doing his GCSE'S this year and only has a maths tutor. I of course, being the oldest had tutors in year 11, whereas he now only has a maths bear in mind it's still October and I'll be finished with my exams before you know it.
I'm trying so hard, but lately my brothers been lashing out on me ;/ which in turn has caused my little sister who is doing her 11+ to lash out on me too. (My little sister has tuition) my brother, blames me for stopping his tuition, bear in mind I have had no tuition since March due to the fact my parent's couldn't afford to ;/
I didn't protest in fact, I argued with my parents recently because I don't want to do a BMAT course which costs and I can do it myself, I'm driven and I'm motivated to learn from my mistakes. It's not easy having siblings poke fun of you, calling me ABB girl and calling me a failure
I know I'm the oldest, but they're not the kind to stop when you tell them to, they'll keep on badgering away. My brother calls me 740 pound girl, and constantly reprimands me for wasting my parents money. My mum is honestly fed up with him, they got into a huge fight because he made me so upset, where he became lippy towards her as a result she ripped his maths notes up, he blamed that on me.
Which was so unfair, that day he chose to make me upset not me. It's horrible but I do wish he goes through exactly what I go through so he understands how I feel, he is so vindictive, he doesn't understand about my anxiety calls me "cry-baby" makes fun of me when I get palpitations calls me a drama queen, it's non stop constant bullying.
Yet I am the sister, who hugs him when he got bullied just a few months ago, I'm always the big older sister, and I hate playing victim here but sometimes you just know that you can't have done anything wrong for someone to hate you . I do blame myself for wasting my parents money. In fact I don't even think I'd do well anymore in these exams. My brother thinks my fear of failure is just a way of pinning the blame on him and how he keeps chastising me but honestly, I just can't be arsed anymore.
I don't want anything to do with my siblings, it's so horrible even at an age of 16 you'd expect a child to show some sort of sympathy, my family is aware of my mental health, and stuff ;/ it's safe to say sometimes infact most of the times they are the cause of it.
I'm genuinely so unhappy I have my first exam in 3 days and I can't even concentrate on that.
I've been requested by my GP to take a blood test, and in order to have a GP write a letter explaining my circumstances for when I apply to medical schools requiring extenuating circumstances the cost of the letter is 40 pounds, my siblings jeered at me at the thought of that.
I told my mum I don't even want to do the BMAT anymore (I've been wanting to apply through re-imbursement) and I don't even want to have my pay for the GP's letter ;/
I wish I can explain this to someone, it's so frustrating.
Are you an independent candidate? Because I’m fairly sure the government mandated that the school needed to pay for the autumn resit. Either way, the exams are soon and then it will be over quickly. You can get through this!
ABB isn’t bad either, you can get into a pretty good university with those grades. So you are at quite a secure position in the front even if exams don’t go quite as planned.
If you really want to go to medical school then do it, your future is ahead of you and you can’t give up after all you’ve done so far. But if you are having second thoughts, apply for a similar subject (maybe biomed) and consider switching subjects once you’re there (if that is possible.)
Good luck, you can get through it!