Losing interest in course & loneliness is killing me

I wanted to make a post on here because I’m very conflicted on what to do right now. I’m currently in London staying in private halls (student accommodation) and I’m studying fashion but all of my classes are online. I don’t know if it’s the restrictions and coronavirus but ive suddenly lost motivation to do anything and even when I attend online lessons I’ve just lost interest and I don’t know why because fashion has been my passion forever & I’ve always been so excited to study it especially in London but now that I’m here, I’m just feeling sad everyday. I’m now all of a sudden feeling confused on what I want to study even though fashion has always been what I wanted to do, I’ve always loved film and the cinematic world and that feels like my stronger interest but apparently film studies is a useless degree so I don’t know if I wanna take that chance. Also, my university doesn’t have its own halls of residence or accommodation so that’s why I’m staying in student halls, so I haven’t met any classmates or socialised with anyone because I also live in a studio room (I have my own bathroom and kitchen). I’ve been here in accommodation for about 3 weeks, and it’s been very lonely, and this has caused me to overthink constantly and I’ve found myself feeling sad everyday. Also, before I moved to uni some traumatic things happened to me by family members for years (not S.A) and and I basically was in a toxic household so now that I’m lonely, it’s literally the worst because the bad memories are always recurring in my mind and I was so excited to come to university and meet new people so that I can finally start a new, happy life but it seems as if the opposite is starting to happen. I’m not even trying to be dramatic but I’m starting to lose the will to live, and I just want to end my whole life.

Reply 1

lovecore

Original post by Anonymous

I'm so sorry you feel this way, and I definitely remember feeling similarly during my own first year with all the social isolation and sudden disillusionment/depression - I'm sure there are thousands in your position rn.

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Does your uni have active societies you can join, even if they're over Zoom? Can you distract yourself by maybe looking on FB, the uni website, etc for opportunities like this? Even if you have no interest in the actual society, you might still meet likeminded people. It may even help you just to sit on mute/with camera off and listen to others talk - maybe you will feel more like part of a community then, which will help. If you're part of the University of London then you might also be able to attend online events from other unis.

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Does your uni have some kind of anonymous confessions page on Facebook and Instagram? Could you use it to find people who are in a similar position and text or video call together? Are there groupchats you can join for your modules where you can then DM people?

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It's great that you have an interest in film, because it's really versatile and you can link it to, and maybe use it to revitalise your interest in, what you're currently studying. Fashion and film have always been interlinked and your current degree could still lead to involvement in film in some capacity. Cinema is something you don't need a degree in to actually pursue further - if you like film history and have access to websites like IMDb, Letterboxd, ok.ru, Youtube and Kanopy (free for all UOL colleges I think?) then you can easily build your knowledge, and this could take your mind off what's happening rn as well. Tons of fashion students are inspired by and explicitly cite cinematic works. A good knowledge of film history can really improve your life (I'm biased though :smile: ). Pick a decade or movement that looks interesting and just dive in!

Please PM me if you need someone to talk to, I have the same interests and was in almost the same situation (minus coronavirus) in the same city earlier this year. Don't suddenly give up on your degree because my best guess is that your current situation is helping to diminish your passion, and your situation absolutely will change. Reach out to others, go outside if you're allowed, exercise from online videos as a serotonin boost, drink lots of water, do your work as well as you can for the next few weeks and then reconsider.