Did I ruin everything?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now and she just broke up with me yesterday. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, and that we're both busy and we haven't talked much lately and she needs time to find herself. She also said that she still wants us to be friends and close friends. I told her that it's alright, don't worry about it, studying (we're both in uni) is more important right now.

The next day, I texted her saying that I didn't like how we ended things, and that I know we haven't talked much lately and it's because of the pressure we're both in and that I believe we can fix things. I told her that we should have a talk about what each of us want in this relationship, what we don't want, how often should we talk/call/text, how to be more emotionally connected and such. I also told her that she's one of a kind and I don't want to lose her just like that.

She responded saying that it's more about me than it is about you I can't be in a relationship right now. She also said that she feels there are things missing from our relationship that are just not there and won't end up being there even if we talked about it, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us. That it's going to be a relationship "by name" and losing each other more than anything else and she doesn't want that to happen, that she still wants to be friends. Finally, she said that she is sorry that she doesn't mean things to end up this way and that she doesn't believe she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future.

Notice how her response changed? Did I royally **** up by sending her that text the next day? Is there any chance we could end up together again, or did I royally **** things up???
1
reply
Wired_1800
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay so me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 months now and she just broke up with me yesterday. She said that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now, and that we're both busy and we haven't talked much lately and she needs time to find herself. She also said that she still wants us to be friends and close friends. I told her that it's alright, don't worry about it, studying (we're both in uni) is more important right now.

The next day, I texted her saying that I didn't like how we ended things, and that I know we haven't talked much lately and it's because of the pressure we're both in and that I believe we can fix things. I told her that we should have a talk about what each of us want in this relationship, what we don't want, how often should we talk/call/text, how to be more emotionally connected and such. I also told her that she's one of a kind and I don't want to lose her just like that.

She responded saying that it's more about me than it is about you I can't be in a relationship right now. She also said that she feels there are things missing from our relationship that are just not there and won't end up being there even if we talked about it, it's going to end up forceful and not fair to any of us. That it's going to be a relationship "by name" and losing each other more than anything else and she doesn't want that to happen, that she still wants to be friends. Finally, she said that she is sorry that she doesn't mean things to end up this way and that she doesn't believe she can be the person I want her to be now or anytime in the future.

Notice how her response changed? Did I royally **** up by sending her that text the next day? Is there any chance we could end up together again, or did I royally **** things up???
Sorry but i think it is over. Please don't force it. You may force her to get back together but then be unhappy. Move on and find yourself. Find someone who wants to be with you and live your best life. Never beg anyone to be in a relationship with you. Good luck.
0
reply
AhmedThe22nd
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
Look, if you are at the same uni as her. Do not be best friends and do not look up to her or expect something to happen. At this point the relationship will become toxic for both of you with the information that you provided. Did you start out as lovers or friends?
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by AhmedThe22nd)
Look, if you are at the same uni as her. Do not be best friends and do not look up to her or expect something to happen. At this point the relationship will become toxic for both of you with the information that you provided. Did you start out as lovers or friends?
We are not in the same uni, we started out as friends, talked alot for 1.5 months and then I asked her to be my girlfriend, now she has been my girlfriend for 2.5 months and we broke up yesterday
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
I wouldn’t say her response changed. She was probably trying to word it more gently to begin with so as to let you down more gently. She’s being harsher now as her message didn’t come across as strongly as she’d thought. I wouldn’t say you ****ed it up at all, it is just her. If she’s saying things are missing and it won’t work then sadly that’s the truth in her eyes. Take tometo heal and move on.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I wouldn’t say her response changed. She was probably trying to word it more gently to begin with so as to let you down more gently. She’s being harsher now as her message didn’t come across as strongly as she’d thought. I wouldn’t say you ****ed it up at all, it is just her. If she’s saying things are missing and it won’t work then sadly that’s the truth in her eyes. Take tometo heal and move on.
Cant take tometo heal and move on. Imma wait and play it differently. Never give up
0
reply
Rarest
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Cant take tometo heal and move on. Imma wait and play it differently. Never give up
Very easy to push her further away, I'd just move on if I were you. It kinda reads as if she's lost interest.
0
reply
khadijaaaxxxx
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
i think you should move on tbh :console:
0
reply
StriderHort
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
From the look of this, she has broke up with you, but the first thing you've done is try and arrange a discussion about getting back together and she's not having it.

As others have said, there is no point in trying to force it as the other will always resent you and it's generally a matter of time before they leave again.
0
reply
SoulfulTwist
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
She's decided the relationship will not work for her
'It's not you, it's me' basically.
If she thinks something is missing, likely she cannot exactly pinpoint what or doesn't want to say, it's probably one of those things that cannot be forced, has to be au naturel
0
reply
Xarao
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
You texting the next day was a bad move, yes. But it doesn't really matter because whether you did that in a week or a month, she would've said the same thing.

Basically, she doesn't like you in the way you thought she did.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#12
First of all I agree I'm so dumb I shouldn't have sent her that text, I think she friendzoned me for life now

Secondly she says that she still cares deeply about me and she still wants to be friends and close friends, I know this can mean nothing but we haven't seen each other yet since the breakup. I know there is still going to be something between us deep down and so Imma try to use that in order to win her back. I know it's like a really small chance of succeeding. What I plan to do is to let her find herself for now and focus on herself and just wait for her to talk to me first, and when she does I won't try to get back to her immediately but I'll try to rebuild the bond we once had.
I know I sound really stupid right now and really dumb but imma take my chances.
0
reply
Wōden
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
It's sounds like she simply doesn't want to be in a relationship with you and is trying to let you down gently. You need to accept that, respect her feelings and don't push the issue any further than you already have or you will risk souring any remaining friendship. Don't beat yourself up over it, sometimes people just aren't the right match for one another and it's nobody's fault, just give her some space and ultimately move on with your own life.
0
reply
Bio 7
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 month ago
#14
Why have you created another thread on this, the one from yesterday gave you all the advice you needed?
0
reply
StriderHort
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
First of all I agree I'm so dumb I shouldn't have sent her that text, I think she friendzoned me for life now

Secondly she says that she still cares deeply about me and she still wants to be friends and close friends, I know this can mean nothing but we haven't seen each other yet since the breakup. I know there is still going to be something between us deep down and so Imma try to use that in order to win her back. I know it's like a really small chance of succeeding. What I plan to do is to let her find herself for now and focus on herself and just wait for her to talk to me first, and when she does I won't try to get back to her immediately but I'll try to rebuild the bond we once had.
I know I sound really stupid right now and really dumb but imma take my chances.
I know you're kinda expecting this, but this is a bad idea. I get where it's coming from but it just doesn't work that way. If you win someone back, that implies someone else lost but didn't want to yield, guess who that is?

Most people tend to basically know whether their ex is being friendly, or being friendly motivated by holding out hope of rekindling romance, you are unlikely to be anywhere near as subtle as you hope and it will likely make her pretty cautious in speaking to you if every chat has that subtext under it.

IMO the only way to 'win' people back is to mature and grow as a person in your own right and they may see things differently, but it's a crap shoot, they might not, or they might not like the new you even more, or you might have outgrown them...
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by StriderHort)
I know you're kinda expecting this, but this is a bad idea. I get where it's coming from but it just doesn't work that way. If you win someone back, that implies someone else lost but didn't want to yield, guess who that is?

Most people tend to basically know whether their ex is being friendly, or being friendly motivated by holding out hope of rekindling romance, you are unlikely to be anywhere near as subtle as you hope and it will likely make her pretty cautious in speaking to you if every chat has that subtext under it.

IMO the only way to 'win' people back is to mature and grow as a person in your own right and they may see things differently, but it's a crap shoot, they might not, or they might not like the new you even more, or you might have outgrown them...
Yes yes I understand, I'm not sure how can I let her see things differently. Again I'm so dumb for blowing up the chances of us getting back together because of that text I sent. Even if she regains feelings for me she won't do anything about it because she's going to feel like she played with my feelings enough, and doesn't want to her me anymore.

I'm not sure if I should just give up, or give this a chance. I know that the chance of this succeeding might be less than 2% but I really want to try.. I'm so in love with her and I just can't bear the idea of not having her ;(
0
reply
GabiAbi84
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes yes I understand, I'm not sure how can I let her see things differently. Again I'm so dumb for blowing up the chances of us getting back together because of that text I sent. Even if she regains feelings for me she won't do anything about it because she's going to feel like she played with my feelings enough, and doesn't want to her me anymore.

I'm not sure if I should just give up, or give this a chance. I know that the chance of this succeeding might be less than 2% but I really want to try.. I'm so in love with her and I just can't bear the idea of not having her ;(
Your second text didn’t ruin your second chance-she made it clear that that wasn’t going to happen with or without your txt. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You can’t change that fact.
You can hang around and be friends in the hope that something will change in the future-in which case you’re not really being her friend and what you hope will not happen.
Or you can accept that it’s not going to happen and attempt to just be friends.
Or you can break contact altogether.

Not everything can or should be fixed-and when one person doesn’t want the relationship that’s a definite no.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Should there be a new university admissions system that ditches predicted grades?

No, I think predicted grades should still be used to make offers (513)
33.77%
Yes, I like the idea of applying to uni after I received my grades (PQA) (627)
41.28%
Yes, I like the idea of receiving offers only after I receive my grades (PQO) (310)
20.41%
I think there is a better option than the ones suggested (let us know in the thread!) (69)
4.54%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise