fatima1998
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Hi,
So i had a conversation with my dad that in my last 2 years of degree i want to move out and stay in accommodation and study then it is about 50mins of drive to my house. i used to commute to university for 2 years but in those 2 years, i hardly managed to attend my morning classes. so in the upcoming 2 years i have told my dad and he said there are people who commute from London to university in Essex (thats where i am currently) and so you near to uni so why do you want to move out and i have told him and my last 2 years are crucial and i am tired of traveling every day whereas now if i do move out the accom is 5 mins away from the university.
He then said i have, i have been in your stage when i stayed at the hostel (accom) while studying and i hardly used to focus because there was no one who could stop me if i am doing "bad" e.g. going out at night to watch movies or going partying or just having fun etc. Hostel life distracts you from studying because there is no one who can stop you when you are doing wrong. He then said you have the last 2 years so focus on your study hostel life will distract you and make you do bad stuff like going out, enjoying, and partying.
Is that true, tbh i do not have any friends at university i am an introvert so i can hardly say hi to even a female and i even said to my parents that i don't have any friends at university except one who lives in my city(my sixth form friend) but he doesn't, believe me, he was like yeah we know i have been there when i was around your age.
My main focus really is to study not to enjoy around but they don't seem to understand my point that well.
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DrawTheLine
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(Original post by fatima1998)
Hi,
So i had a conversation with my dad that in my last 2 years of degree i want to move out and stay in accommodation and study then it is about 50mins of drive to my house. i used to commute to university for 2 years but in those 2 years, i hardly managed to attend my morning classes. so in the upcoming 2 years i have told my dad and he said there are people who commute from London to university in Essex (thats where i am currently) and so you near to uni so why do you want to move out and i have told him and my last 2 years are crucial and i am tired of traveling every day whereas now if i do move out the accom is 5 mins away from the university.
He then said i have, i have been in your stage when i stayed at the hostel (accom) while studying and i hardly used to focus because there was no one who could stop me if i am doing "bad" e.g. going out at night to watch movies or going partying or just having fun etc. Hostel life distracts you from studying because there is no one who can stop you when you are doing wrong. He then said you have the last 2 years so focus on your study hostel life will distract you and make you do bad stuff like going out, enjoying, and partying.
Is that true, tbh i do not have any friends at university i am an introvert so i can hardly say hi to even a female and i even said to my parents that i don't have any friends at university except one who lives in my city(my sixth form friend) but he doesn't, believe me, he was like yeah we know i have been there when i was around your age.
My main focus really is to study not to enjoy around but they don't seem to understand my point that well.
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I dont want any stupid or pointless comments please
You're an adult, so if you want to move out and live in accommodation you can. They don't have to understand it or like it, they just need to accept it.
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CoolCavy
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It is your university experience not your dads, if you want to live away from home then update student finance with this and it will be reflected in the maintenance loan you are awarded. Use this money to pay for your accommodation and living costs away from home.
Most universities do some sort of female only accommodation and nobody is partying anyway with the current covid situation.
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fatima1998
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You're an adult, so if you want to move out and live in accommodation you can. They don't have to understand it or like it, they just need to accept it.
They just make me feel guilty that I have booked accommodation. I told them and they didn't give me any good response like not supportive of my decision.
(Original post by CoolCavy)
It is your university experience not your dads, if you want to live away from home then update student finance with this and it will be reflected in the maintenance loan you are awarded. Use this money to pay for your accommodation and living costs away from home.
Most universities do some sort of female only accommodation and nobody is partying anyway with the current covid situation.
my parents are like we are your well-wisher. We won't suggest you anything that is not in your favour. I have booked myself a studio apartment as i am very shy and an introvert so dont like talking to many people. I have already updated my student finance and i can definitely afford plus i do part-time too.
its just i feel guilty now like i know i haven't taken the wrong decision because my intentions are not to party or anything as such but it just makes me sad that they don't understand me. to motivate myself to study, i need to be in an environment like a university where i can focus well but i just hate driving every day also the weather just demotivates me too and guess everyone so i cant be bothered to drive 45 mins every day to university in rain.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by fatima1998)
They just make me feel guilty that I have booked accommodation. I told them and they didn't give me any good response like not supportive of my decision.

my parents are like we are your well-wisher. We won't suggest you anything that is not in your favour. I have booked myself a studio apartment as i am very shy and an introvert so dont like talking to many people. I have already updated my student finance and i can definitely afford plus i do part-time too.
its just i feel guilty now like i know i haven't taken the wrong decision because my intentions are not to party or anything as such but it just makes me sad that they don't understand me. to motivate myself to study, i need to be in an environment like a university where i can focus well but i just hate driving every day also the weather just demotivates me too and guess everyone so i cant be bothered to drive 45 mins every day to university in rain.
Driving for nearly two hours is not a good use of time - you could be studying. How tiring it mus be too -

You're doing the right thing by moving out - you'll have more time to focus on your degree
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fatima1998
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Driving for nearly two hours is not a good use of time - you could be studying. How tiring it mus be too -

You're doing the right thing by moving out - you'll have more time to focus on your degree
Trust me it is not. I get so tired. it also raining 95% of the time and it just not motivate me to go to uni. There are times when i have 1 lecture at 9am and just have to travel 50 mins for that.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by fatima1998)
Trust me it is not. I get so tired. it also raining 95% of the time and it just not motivate me to go to uni. There are times when i have 1 lecture at 9am and just have to travel 50 mins for that.
Do you use the A12 because that's a terrible road ... I'm a teacher and sometimes have to support students to get their parents to understand. What if you need to go to the library or see a tutor - impossible if you are at home!
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fatima1998
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(Original post by Muttley79)
Do you use the A12 because that's a terrible road ... I'm a teacher and sometimes have to support students to get their parents to understand. What if you need to go to the library or see a tutor - impossible if you are at home!
YESSSS A12 I live in Ipswich so from there to Colchester i used A12, i literally see broken cars when i come back or going to university
YES i have told them i need to use the library i am paying £9250 not to just study than they were like you can drive go to the library and come back ahhahaha. there was a time when my tyre somehow got punctured in Colchester and i drove from there to Ipswich because i did not know what i could do as it was around 9pm i was driving back to home.
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londonmyst
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Living in student or other private rental accommodation for uni is not bad.
I suspect that your parents are just being controlling and are committed to a family tradition of young women continuing to live at home until marriage.

My parents didn't want me to move away for uni where I would be beyond 90% of their reach; far away from their influence and demands.
To try preventing me from leaving my mother stole my lifesavings and then gave me a few ultimatums including inheritance.
I escaped before a level results were out and will never go back.
My best friends parents were born in India and encouraged all their children to move out for uni; giving generous monthly allowances & buying them properties.
Good luck!
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fatima1998
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Living in student or other private rental accommodation for uni is not bad.
I suspect that your parents are just being controlling and are committed to a family tradition of young women continuing to live at home until marriage.

My parents didn't want me to move away for uni where I would be beyond 90% of their reach; far away from their influence and demands.
To try preventing me from leaving my mother stole my lifesavings and then gave me a few ultimatums including inheritance.
I escaped before a level results were out and will never go back.
My best friends parents were born in India and encouraged all their children to move out for uni; giving generous monthly allowances & buying them properties.
Good luck!
That is crazy. My parents have the same thinking. My best friend wanted me n her to go and spend 1 night in london it was her birthday and i knew my parents won't agree but she said i'll talk. she talked to my dad and a day later my mum came and said "how can you even think we can let you out and stay a night in a hotel. We don't wanna break a record (me never spent a night anywhere record)" i wasn't shook about them saying no but the reason behind the no was that they dont want to break that record that i have never in my life spend a night anywhere really did hurt me.

SO you just left and never went back? my parents are controlling. there is no way i can even express my emotions and my point of view because i know they will never agree because they think our generation don't think as good as them and we are stubborn
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londonmyst
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(Original post by fatima1998)
That is crazy. My parents have the same thinking. My best friend wanted me n her to go and spend 1 night in london it was her birthday and i knew my parents won't agree but she said i'll talk. she talked to my dad and a day later my mum came and said "how can you even think we can let you out and stay a night in a hotel. We don't wanna break a record (me never spent a night anywhere record)" i wasn't shook about them saying no but the reason behind the no was that they dont want to break that record that i have never in my life spend a night anywhere really did hurt me.

SO you just left and never went back? my parents are controlling. there is no way i can even express my emotions and my point of view because i know they will never agree because they think our generation don't think as good as them and we are stubborn
Yes.
I go out of my way to avoid all three living ancestors like the plague, I doubt that I'll ever speak to them again.
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fatima1998
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Yes.
I go out of my way to avoid all three living ancestors like the plague, I doubt that I'll ever speak to them again.
thats the spirit! i dont know if i can ever do that because i always end up feeling guilty even if its not my fault but i will definitely move out
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londonmyst
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(Original post by fatima1998)
thats the spirit! i dont know if i can ever do that because i always end up feeling guilty even if its not my fault but i will definitely move out
Good luck!
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TheProphetsPath
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(Original post by fatima1998)
Hi,
So i had a conversation with my dad that in my last 2 years of degree i want to move out and stay in accommodation and study then it is about 50mins of drive to my house. i used to commute to university for 2 years but in those 2 years, i hardly managed to attend my morning classes. so in the upcoming 2 years i have told my dad and he said there are people who commute from London to university in Essex (thats where i am currently) and so you near to uni so why do you want to move out and i have told him and my last 2 years are crucial and i am tired of traveling every day whereas now if i do move out the accom is 5 mins away from the university.
He then said i have, i have been in your stage when i stayed at the hostel (accom) while studying and i hardly used to focus because there was no one who could stop me if i am doing "bad" e.g. going out at night to watch movies or going partying or just having fun etc. Hostel life distracts you from studying because there is no one who can stop you when you are doing wrong. He then said you have the last 2 years so focus on your study hostel life will distract you and make you do bad stuff like going out, enjoying, and partying.
Is that true, tbh i do not have any friends at university i am an introvert so i can hardly say hi to even a female and i even said to my parents that i don't have any friends at university except one who lives in my city(my sixth form friend) but he doesn't, believe me, he was like yeah we know i have been there when i was around your age.
My main focus really is to study not to enjoy around but they don't seem to understand my point that well.
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I dont want any stupid or pointless comments please
From personal experience, a lot more discipline is definitely needed when you are living out of home. There is less motivation, the atmosphere is less conducive to productivity and so you need to have a strong intrinsic motivation to continue performing as well as you can. Not only that but generally the logistics are much difficult - having less money and less time to spend on productivity (shopping, cooking, laundry, documents, general life maintenance) and of course you are surrounded by less people that love you. There are benefits but plenty of drawbacks you have to overcome before the benefits to be worth it.
(Original post by DrawTheLine)
You're an adult, so if you want to move out and live in accommodation you can. They don't have to understand it or like it, they just need to accept it.
This lady is competent enough to know all of this already, what they can and can't do. They are not seeking your permission, or your validation so don't impose yourself like you have any authority over her values.
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lmaoihatemyself
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thing is about uni yes no one can really stop you from doing bad but thats the whole point you yourself have to know whats good or bad for you and thats a part of independence you get from living out. also yes uni is for studying but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have fun it is still an experience
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TheProphetsPath
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It seems the ultimatum you are facing is whether moving away for 2 years is beneficial enough to overcome the negative influence it will have on yours and your fathers relationship.
Why is this decision so important to you as an individual?
Will it affect your relationship?
What is the severity of the effect and will it be long term?
What are the overall benefits of the 2 years away (against the drawbacks)?
Will the benefit be worth any of the implications on your parents' relationship?
Is this 2 year period significant enough to warrant risking any of the effects, if there are any?
Is there any way to get these personal benefits without moving away or having negative effects on your father?
Rank them in importance and weigh up your options.
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