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Need help with brevity and conciseness

Hello guys, I am working on how to best use my short time in answering a 15 mark question which asks: ‘Analyse how the writer uses language and structure to interest and engage readers. Support your views with detailed reference to the text.’

I got asked to analyse ‘Alex’s Adventures in Numberland’ by Alex Bellos (incase you need context).

I’ll be surprised if anyone here cares enough to read everything and pitch in but I really do need some advice.

This is my answer (which took me a disappointing 1hr 10 mins):

The writer uses a pattern of wide, rich and formal vocabulary to interest and engage readers, such as ‘intellectual’, ‘concrete’, ‘abstract’ and ‘subsistence’.
As a result, the readers will observe a confidence from the writer (this is perhaps his intent), as his sophisticated word choices will make him seem authoritative and show an expertise in informing in general, as well as on the topic: the tribe. Therefore, the readers will move to trust him and be more inclined to believe/rely on the information.

Most of the sentences in this piece are either multi-clause or stray from being short and simple. For example: ‘The intellectual leap from the concrete idea of two things to the invention of a symbol of word for the abstract idea of “two”, however, would have taken many ages to come about.’
The length will aid in his intent to inform the readers and evoke admiration from them, as he broadens and magnifies such a simple topic, and in doing so, shares a unique perspective, thus opening the reader’s mind to the ancient event of understanding the concept of numbers. It will nudge them to appreciate and realise how such a revelation changed the planet unimaginably, and will be fascinated by their impact.

The third paragraph’s first two sentences show a big contrast, by the fact ‘numbers are so prevalent in our lives’ to ‘slipping into a numberless existence.’
With the following as the writer’s intention, the reader could realise the strength and impact of the tribe’s ‘contagiousness’ by the word choices: ‘prevalent’, ‘slipping’ and ‘existence’ which function to emphasise the impact of the lifestyle. ‘slipping’ highlights the lack of control around and the persuasive magnetism of the lifestyle, as the character easily converted from a number-ruled life to a primitive one, which will aid in the reader’s realisation of the ‘contagiousness’, perhaps causing fascination. The ‘numberless existence’ almost has a hallucinogenic experience connotation, as calling life an ‘existence’ can be deemed bleak or be inspired by an ‘awakening’ where there is a drastic change in one’s actions and perspectives. This further affects the reader’s thoughts on the tribe and their impact.

Is this even worth 15 marks? What do I change about this? Do I have to change anything? How can I make sure I can write something like this in around the 15 minutes you should take for a question like this?
Please help.

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