I'm in my 3rd year at uni, and so far it has been a total mess (long)

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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Before coming to uni, I was expecting everything to be so straightforward - I would get along with my flatmates (who I would end up living with in 2nd/3rd year), I would be close with my coursemates and I would join a society that I would love. I would come away with friends for life.

But this hasn't been the case at all, I'll try to summarise it...

1st year:
- Just didn't click with my flatmates/coursemates, didn't enjoy course, but did enjoy a sports society I joined
- When it came to choosing houses for 2nd year, the people I met through sport had already decided to live with their respective flatmates, so I settled with a few people from my halls, who were really more acquaintances than friends
- Spent a lot of 1st year not going out as much as I had hoped, as noone really asked me (might have assumed I was busy with my own flatmates) but at least I had my sport to keep me busy
- I changed course at the end of 1st year, so basically 'started again' and in the process hoped for a fresh start

2nd year:
- Gave up sports society (training expectation became too intense/serious, a few people stopped doing it) and so I lost contact with some of the people I met through this
- New course was going well, and got on well with coursemates
- However, most of my coursemates had their own groups from their flats etc., so I felt a little bit left out
- Again, spent most of 2nd year not really going out, as noone really asked me
- Managed to speak with 1 coursemate about a house for the next year, they kindly let me join in with some other coursemates (who I hadn't really spoken to much before)
- I started to feel hopeful again, but knew that I would have to get to know the other coursemates who I would be living with...
- Then COVID hit, and we all went home before I got a chance to get to know them

3rd year:
- Moved into the new house, and I'm starting to feel out of place
- The other people I'm living with get on really well with each other, and I feel like a bit of an outsider. This is starting to self perpetuate now, as I feel awkward hanging out with them when they're all together as I feel like I'm sort of intruding, and the more I avoid it the more awkward it feels
- I've also since learned that half of them are planning to do placements/years abroad next year, and unless I can get closer with the other half, I'm likely going to have to look for new housemates for my 4th year - and I don't really know anyone for this.

It's all been so frustrating - I really made an effort to get to know people at the start of 1st/2nd year, but I would only ever really come away with acquaintances rather than friends, and all my closest friends at uni have their own groups anyway. Now it's looking like 3rd year won't be much better (also thanks to COVID), and I'm dreading what 4th year could look like if I can't find anyone to live with.

All in all it's been such a disappointing and crushing experience. I've never been lonely before, and I've never really had problems with making friends, so I expected uni to be straightforward and that everything would work itself out. I'm so embarrassed to admit that I'm not having a good time, and it's becoming exhausting to hope for it to get better. I've never had issues with mental health before, but I'm starting to worry that this could affect my well being.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 month ago
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I can definitely relate to the crushing loneliness of uni. I'm going through a similar experience and I don't see how my situation is going to change any time soon so I'm very close to giving up. At this point, I really just want one close friend to make uni more bearable.

Have you considered registering with your wellbeing centre on campus? I assume most unis have one. I've signed up with mine as it's all getting a bit much and I reckon it would help being able to talk it out with someone.
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