Is this just taking advantage?

Suggested to one of my friends that we could maybe meet up for a coffee next week.

She said yes but it’s my treat and that she’s got no money left.

Is this just taking advantage of me? I know It was me that suggested it but surely she should be paying her own just like I’m going to be paying my own?

I’ve paid for loads of food and drink for her in the past due to her “having no money”

Reply 1

Kerzen

Are you both at school?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kerzen

Are you both at school?

Nope

Reply 3

SMEGGGY

****ing hell it won't bankrupt you

Reply 4

Kerzen

Both working then or still at college?

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kerzen

Both working then or still at college?

College

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by SMEGGGY

****ing hell it won't bankrupt you

No it won’t, but is that really the point?

Reply 7

Kerzen

Original post by Anonymous

College

In that case, what you could say to her is 'Oh, that's OK, would you like to make it the following week, if that works better for you money-wise?"

Reply 8

londonmyst

No.
Tradition is that the asker usually pays.
That says it does sound like the girl is in the habit of only accepting invites where the other person agrees to pay the total bill and regularly claims to have cashflow problems or money management difficulties.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Kerzen

In that case, what you could say to her is 'Oh, that's OK, would you like to make it the following week, if that works better for you money-wise?"

I could do. I think it is cheeky and bold of her to think I’m here to pay for her food and drink.

She’s never once paid for my food

Reply 10

SMEGGGY

Original post by Anonymous

No it won’t, but is that really the point?

Cancel on her, don't ever ask her again. Simple as that

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by SMEGGGY

Cancel on her, don't ever ask her again. Simple as that

I know. I was really looking forward to go out but I don’t think I can be bothered with someone who just sponges of me all the time.

For someone that has no money she seems to do well going out boozing all the time.

I wouldn’t mind if she treated me occasionally but she never has

Reply 12

SMEGGGY

Original post by Anonymous

Then she's not a friend is she. Get rid and go with another, though lockdown forbids it

Reply 13

Zarek

It’s cheeky, fine to say she has no money but not to volunteer you to pay for her. You wait for the other person to offer to treat you tips if that is how they feel. I guess you have to weigh up if the friendship is worth the investment

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zarek

It’s cheeky, fine to say she has no money but not to volunteer you to pay for her. You wait for the other person to offer to treat you tips that is how they feel. I guess you have to weigh up if the friendship is worth the investment

My thoughts exactly.

I get that I invited her out, but surely I don’t have to pay? I’ll pay my own and she should be paying her own.

I wouldn’t be so annoyed about it if she had treated me before but she hasn’t.

Plus I’ve always given her lifts to places plenty of times as she doesn’t drive. I’ve never asked for fuel money but she’s never offered it either

Reply 15

drbluebox

I have had friends like this, rarely theres a unintentional reason why they don't pay i.e friend says they have been in house all week as they are bored, I suggest we go for a walk, friend agrees then I notice a cheap cafe and ask if they want to go in, either they outright reject it or say "ok if you are paying"

Sometimes both of us may be unemployed, sometimes I may have and they not sometimes they have and I not but I hate being put on the spot.

Its not that they realy don't want to and that is their get out I have been friends with people who don't care, yet when they do something like walk past a pub and I say I don't feel like it they either complain or tell me to just bear with it, and sit with them it will only be a hour or so.

The same friends lets say I have a buy one get one free meal deal offer and they themselves say they are bored and want to go somewhere to eat, I will suggest the place with buy one get one free and get told "ok then, since its buy one get one free, you pay and I get the free one" Though one guy took it to an extreme, I had a subway voucher back when they did sub of the day, I planned to get either the sub of day or a £3 sub and he was going there at college lunch time I told him about the voucher and he decided to get the dearest thing on menu, extra cheese and toppings and though I was a bit shocked when it came to the till he went "see you back in class" I had to pay like £5 for ONE sandwich when I could of not used the voucher and paid £2.50 for myself or got 2 for £2.50

Reply 16

candydiva

Original post by Anonymous

If she boozes all the time and can't afford coffee which I know in UK is cheaper than booze, all booze xcept Tesco larger lol, then u know wot that means. I do.

Yes she is sponging off her orbiters. Which in her mind include u. This is really a prob never mind getting into her panties I am simply saying this isn't an action that develops a reciprocal friendship of any sort. Such ppl simply exploit those around them financially, emotionally etc. I think u r being used and if you do maintain proximity it will get worse.

There wuz a great philosopher of the western world in the 60s and 70s whose words of wisdom r so applicable and helpful to u now. His name is Paul Simon lol! :smile: