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Boyfriend isn't interested in sex at all...

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (I'm 22 and he's 23), and we have a great relationship, we live together and have for almost 3 years.At the start of the relationship we had a really good sex life, but in the past 2 years its almost none existent. The last time we had sex was 3 months ago.He doesn't seem interested all, and if it ever happens, I'm always the one to initiate it. I have tried to talk to him about it a handful of times, but he is either seems too embarrassed to talk about it, or says he's too tired to discuss it. The conversation has never really gone anywhere, so I am left wondering what's wrong. About 6 months ago, he did confess that he isn't interested because I've put some weight on (sadly due to medication im taking so its been hard to lose), but since then I have lost some weight, and I'm just not convinced this is the only reason, and he's never mentioned it since.Now I'm not sure what to do, as it makes me really upset and confused.
As someone who is exactly like this, I have the same issue. I had sex the other week but when we first started out it was like nearly every day, now its once every few months. I don't know what my issue is, like I really do enjoy it, but I'm never in the mood for it nor have the time anymore. I think its just that you are both growing up and have been in the relationship for a while, it is a bit of a hump that you both have to talk about and work it out with eachother. It will probably never be like when you first started out, but you will have it sometimes.

I think for me its just that I've come to enjoy the other parts of the relationship and enjoy spending time doing other things with my girlfriend. I don't think he has actually gone off you and I doubt he is cheating, he's just growing up. But yeah this sounds exactly like how I am at the moment, I don't know what to suggest.
Original post by lizzy666
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (I'm 22 and he's 23), and we have a great relationship, we live together and have for almost 3 years.At the start of the relationship we had a really good sex life, but in the past 2 years its almost none existent. The last time we had sex was 3 months ago.He doesn't seem interested all, and if it ever happens, I'm always the one to initiate it. I have tried to talk to him about it a handful of times, but he is either seems too embarrassed to talk about it, or says he's too tired to discuss it. The conversation has never really gone anywhere, so I am left wondering what's wrong. About 6 months ago, he did confess that he isn't interested because I've put some weight on (sadly due to medication im taking so its been hard to lose), but since then I have lost some weight, and I'm just not convinced this is the only reason, and he's never mentioned it since.Now I'm not sure what to do, as it makes me really upset and confused.


Ditch him, be a sport!!
Ask him directly then ditch him
Reply 4
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Flux20
3
Original post by lizzy666
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years (I'm 22 and he's 23), and we have a great relationship, we live together and have for almost 3 years.At the start of the relationship we had a really good sex life, but in the past 2 years its almost none existent. The last time we had sex was 3 months ago.He doesn't seem interested all, and if it ever happens, I'm always the one to initiate it. I have tried to talk to him about it a handful of times, but he is either seems too embarrassed to talk about it, or says he's too tired to discuss it. The conversation has never really gone anywhere, so I am left wondering what's wrong. About 6 months ago, he did confess that he isn't interested because I've put some weight on (sadly due to medication im taking so its been hard to lose), but since then I have lost some weight, and I'm just not convinced this is the only reason, and he's never mentioned it since.Now I'm not sure what to do, as it makes me really upset and confused.


I’m interested in sex, ditch him and come to me
Reply 5
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lizzy666
OP
5
Honestly, I have considered leaving, but I feel as thought I'd be throwing away an otherwise perfect relationship, as everything else is amazing.
Reply 6
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lizzy666
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Original post by Anonymous
As someone who is exactly like this, I have the same issue. I had sex the other week but when we first started out it was like nearly every day, now its once every few months. I don't know what my issue is, like I really do enjoy it, but I'm never in the mood for it nor have the time anymore. I think its just that you are both growing up and have been in the relationship for a while, it is a bit of a hump that you both have to talk about and work it out with eachother. It will probably never be like when you first started out, but you will have it sometimes.

I think for me its just that I've come to enjoy the other parts of the relationship and enjoy spending time doing other things with my girlfriend. I don't think he has actually gone off you and I doubt he is cheating, he's just growing up. But yeah this sounds exactly like how I am at the moment, I don't know what to suggest.


Yeah I understand that it's not going to be as often as when we first got together, and I don't expect it to be. But to me maybe once or twice a month seems reasonable, but we barely have sex more than once every 3 ish months. And when we do, its short and boring. I really would love to just talk it out with him, but he gets really defensive and won't discuss it with me at all.
The weight comment was a bit uncalled for from him, but maybe he's deflecting from a bigger problem?
Or maybe he's comfortable enough that he doesn't always need physical intimacy from sex, he's more happier with emotional intimacy. Is he still affectionate in other ways i.e. kisses, hand holding etc. ?
Reply 8
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lizzy666
OP
5
Original post by iElvendork
The weight comment was a bit uncalled for from him, but maybe he's deflecting from a bigger problem?
Or maybe he's comfortable enough that he doesn't always need physical intimacy from sex, he's more happier with emotional intimacy. Is he still affectionate in other ways i.e. kisses, hand holding etc. ?


He wasn't trying to be mean or hurtful when mentioning my weight, and he felt bad for saying it. But I do also wonder if its a bigger problem, but as he won't talk to me about it, I don't know where to go.

He isn't really into kissing, or holding hands, but he still cuddles, says that he loves me etc. I do think your right when you say about him not needing physical intimacy, but I do, and he doesn't seem to appreciate that.

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