How to ask out my crush?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
So, I have been seeing out my college this girl, which I immediately find myself very attracted to. I stared at her a couple of times and she stared back, also with a friend. She knows who I am since she liked my last pic on Insta after I started following her and she followed back. I got told she just got into a relationship so I did not make a move. However, I got to know for sue that she has just broken up (her choice) on Friday.

I got told it is wise to wait until next weekend to make a move, which I definitely understand. I am open to anything at the moment, whether a hook up or a relationship, I am more for the long game but I do not think I can be that picky.

The point is that I have never actually talked with this girl before: she waved at me and I waved back once, but apart from that and that bit of eye contact a week ago I never properly talked with her this year, although I spoke a bit during interviews last December.

I would love to get to know her better and ask her out on a date, but I ma not sure what approach to take and how to do it since I do not see her around often. I think my current options )with pros and cons, are:

1. Hang around the college and hope to meet during the weekend, and:
1a. Start a small talk convo, although I do not know how to do so since as I said I never talked with her and I would think it would be wired to just stop her while walking and start asking how was her day etc.
1b. A bold approach. By that I mean be direct and tell her that I saw her around and I think she is an interesting/attractive person and I would like to hang out with her sometime. Here I recon there is the obvious to creep her out, but, if it works, it saves time and passed the first hurdle, it would probably makes things smoother if she says yes.

2. Dms on Insta, perhaps answering to stories if she posts any. The pro is that it is easy and easily accessible, but at the same time it is not very impactful.

Which approach do you think is best? Are there other ones which I did not consider?

Thanks a lot!
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Anonymous #1
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RtheBotanist
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I have been seeing out my college this girl, which I immediately find myself very attracted to. I stared at her a couple of times and she stared back, also with a friend. She knows who I am since she liked my last pic on Insta after I started following her and she followed back. I got told she just got into a relationship so I did not make a move. However, I got to know for sue that she has just broken up (her choice) on Friday.

I got told it is wise to wait until next weekend to make a move, which I definitely understand. I am open to anything at the moment, whether a hook up or a relationship, I am more for the long game but I do not think I can be that picky.

The point is that I have never actually talked with this girl before: she waved at me and I waved back once, but apart from that and that bit of eye contact a week ago I never properly talked with her this year, although I spoke a bit during interviews last December.

I would love to get to know her better and ask her out on a date, but I ma not sure what approach to take and how to do it since I do not see her around often. I think my current options )with pros and cons, are:

1. Hang around the college and hope to meet during the weekend, and:
1a. Start a small talk convo, although I do not know how to do so since as I said I never talked with her and I would think it would be wired to just stop her while walking and start asking how was her day etc.
1b. A bold approach. By that I mean be direct and tell her that I saw her around and I think she is an interesting/attractive person and I would like to hang out with her sometime. Here I recon there is the obvious to creep her out, but, if it works, it saves time and passed the first hurdle, it would probably makes things smoother if she says yes.

2. Dms on Insta, perhaps answering to stories if she posts any. The pro is that it is easy and easily accessible, but at the same time it is not very impactful.

Which approach do you think is best? Are there other ones which I did not consider?

Thanks a lot!
You seem intelligent and self-aware enough that if she rejects you, it's unlikely to be something terrible you've done. Personally, I would message her if/when she posts something that you can respond to with genuine enthusiasm. Even if you have a brief conversation via message, you might start to find out whether you share interests and humour. Assuming she doesn't get inexplicably (or explicably) annoyed, that should make it so so much easier to approach and talk to her in person. Ultimately, if you are compatible then you'll become friends and want to talk to each other more. Assuming you find you have really good chemistry, it would be best to confess your feelings at a much earlier rather than later stage of friendship, so a proper dynamic hasn't been established yet and there is still plenty for you to learn about one another.

In some ways I hate having to codify all this, as it makes it feel so weird, but ultimately it's probably the most human and organic way to explore a potential relationship while not embarrassing yourself big time.

Go message her about something interesting and get the conversation flowing. Good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RtheBotanist)
You seem intelligent and self-aware enough that if she rejects you, it's unlikely to be something terrible you've done. Personally, I would message her if/when she posts something that you can respond to with genuine enthusiasm. Even if you have a brief conversation via message, you might start to find out whether you share interests and humour. Assuming she doesn't get inexplicably (or explicably) annoyed, that should make it so so much easier to approach and talk to her in person. Ultimately, if you are compatible then you'll become friends and want to talk to each other more. Assuming you find you have really good chemistry, it would be best to confess your feelings at a much earlier rather than later stage of friendship, so a proper dynamic hasn't been established yet and there is still plenty for you to learn about one another.

In some ways I hate having to codify all this, as it makes it feel so weird, but ultimately it's probably the most human and organic way to explore a potential relationship while not embarrassing yourself big time.

Go message her about something interesting and get the conversation flowing. Good luck!
Thanks, I have to say regrettably that I did actually found convos very interesting with her the only time we met last year. I think it is more a physical attraction thing more than anything else. Interestingly enough, I am quite found of girls with her hair, and, I found that such people are more likely than others to find myself attractive as well (e.g. both of my exes). As a result, especially conspiring that I have noticed that she did not make make stories on IG at all, my only 'hope' may be option 1b, then a flirty date if everything goes to plan. Otherwise, Dms are probably bound to failure. Do you think I may got a correct line of reasoning? Thank you so much!
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RtheBotanist
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks, I have to say regrettably that I did actually found convos very interesting with her the only time we met last year. I think it is more a physical attraction thing more than anything else. Interestingly enough, I am quite found of girls with her hair, and, I found that such people are more likely than others to find myself attractive as well (e.g. both of my exes). As a result, especially conspiring that I have noticed that she did not make make stories on IG at all, my only 'hope' may be option 1b, then a flirty date if everything goes to plan. Otherwise, Dms are probably bound to failure. Do you think I may got a correct line of reasoning? Thank you so much!
You have probably read the situation better than you think, and already know what the right choice is. Directly asking her out as a first interaction is for sure a high-risk-high-reward thing to do. Whatever she says, it'll build your confidence long term if you deal with it appropriately. Also don't be ashamed if you both want to keep it merely physical, but it would definitely be best to clearly establish that before you go ahead with anything. As I've said, once you pass the initial hurdle of talking to her and/or asking her out, you'll grow closer of there's any chemistry, and drift apart again if there isn't. I'm really not very experienced, but I hope my 'advice' can be some kind of help, at least to just get you thinking in a different way.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by RtheBotanist)
You have probably read the situation better than you think, and already know what the right choice is. Directly asking her out as a first interaction is for sure a high-risk-high-reward thing to do. Whatever she says, it'll build your confidence long term if you deal with it appropriately. Also don't be ashamed if you both want to keep it merely physical, but it would definitely be best to clearly establish that before you go ahead with anything. As I've said, once you pass the initial hurdle of talking to her and/or asking her out, you'll grow closer of there's any chemistry, and drift apart again if there isn't. I'm really not very experienced, but I hope my 'advice' can be some kind of help, at least to just get you thinking in a different way.
Thank you! I apologise for a fe mistakes in my previous message. I'll see how it goes!
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So, I have been seeing out my college this girl, which I immediately find myself very attracted to. I stared at her a couple of times and she stared back, also with a friend. She knows who I am since she liked my last pic on Insta after I started following her and she followed back. I got told she just got into a relationship so I did not make a move. However, I got to know for sue that she has just broken up (her choice) on Friday.

I got told it is wise to wait until next weekend to make a move, which I definitely understand. I am open to anything at the moment, whether a hook up or a relationship, I am more for the long game but I do not think I can be that picky.

The point is that I have never actually talked with this girl before: she waved at me and I waved back once, but apart from that and that bit of eye contact a week ago I never properly talked with her this year, although I spoke a bit during interviews last December.

I would love to get to know her better and ask her out on a date, but I ma not sure what approach to take and how to do it since I do not see her around often. I think my current options )with pros and cons, are:

1. Hang around the college and hope to meet during the weekend, and:
1a. Start a small talk convo, although I do not know how to do so since as I said I never talked with her and I would think it would be wired to just stop her while walking and start asking how was her day etc.
1b. A bold approach. By that I mean be direct and tell her that I saw her around and I think she is an interesting/attractive person and I would like to hang out with her sometime. Here I recon there is the obvious to creep her out, but, if it works, it saves time and passed the first hurdle, it would probably makes things smoother if she says yes.

2. Dms on Insta, perhaps answering to stories if she posts any. The pro is that it is easy and easily accessible, but at the same time it is not very impactful.

Which approach do you think is best? Are there other ones which I did not consider?

Thanks a lot!
None of them! My idea: you get in touch with her and invite her to meet up with you for a drink.
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