I can’t WAIT to have kids, can I still be a feminist?

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Anonymous #1
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So I’m a Christian. I’m 20 and just started at one of the top uni’s in the country on the number one uk course for my subject.

I’m a feminist and highly value women’s right to an education and am very grateful the opportunity I have.

However, deep down all I really want is to get married and have babies as soon as I graduate. My religion plays a big part in this I can’t lie but I truly do really desire it too. I think about it a lot.

I worry that in my heart I’m just viewing university as a time to find a husband.

If I graduate at 23 and have a planned child within a year or two is that a waste of my education ? I would not want to be a stay at home mum completely but I’d probably only want to be working part time. My university is very very very very posh and I’m not at all so honestly I don’t think it’ll be that hard for me to marry someone a bit rich (because lit everyone is) which would take the pressure off me working so I could look after children. I don’t mean that I’m a gold digger looking for wealth, just it would be nice if they were comfortable.

I want it so much that that’s what I plan for much more than my career.

I know my goals are old fashioned and I feel guilty for them. I don’t know if it’s bad to yearn for this so much when I’m supposed to be a badass strong independent woman
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m a Christian. I’m 20 and just started at one of the top uni’s in the country on the number one uk course for my subject.

I’m a feminist and highly value women’s right to an education and am very grateful the opportunity I have.

However, deep down all I really want is to get married and have babies as soon as I graduate. My religion plays a big part in this I can’t lie but I truly do really desire it too. I think about it a lot.

I worry that in my heart I’m just viewing university as a time to find a husband.

If I graduate at 23 and have a planned child within a year or two is that a waste of my education ? I would not want to be a stay at home mum completely but I’d probably only want to be working part time. My university is very very very very posh and I’m not at all so honestly I don’t think it’ll be that hard for me to marry someone a bit rich (because lit everyone is) which would take the pressure off me working so I could look after children. I don’t mean that I’m a gold digger looking for wealth, just it would be nice if they were comfortable.

I want it so much that that’s what I plan for much more than my career.

I know my goals are old fashioned and I feel guilty for them. I don’t know if it’s bad to yearn for this so much when I’m supposed to be a badass strong independent woman
Some women want careers and some want to be a stay at home mum or something similar. Feminism is about giving women that choice, it surely doesnt mean you have to prioritize a career if you dont want one.
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Zamestaneh
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What kind of feminism are you referring to? There are waves of it, and not every type is compatible with your religion nor consistent with other types of beliefs people may hold.

Ultimately, as a religious Christian, your rights, way of life and the laws you should follow are defined by God, and so one should avoid tricky labels and just label yourself by what they believe in. Feminist movements may fight for some of your rights (or maybe go beyond that into extremes depending on which wave you believe in) but they are not the source of your rights.

As a religious Christian, live with a clean conscience knowing that it is noble to raise children well and to not be like some who choose to palm off that responsibility to someone else all the time. Nothing could be more feminine than being a good mother, though some feminists may try to have you believe otherwise.
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Napp
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Where in feminism does it preclude you from living your life as you see fit, or 'breeding' for that matter?
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gtty123
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Look at Offred's mum - she made it happen.
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harrysbar
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m a Christian. I’m 20 and just started at one of the top uni’s in the country on the number one uk course for my subject.

I’m a feminist and highly value women’s right to an education and am very grateful the opportunity I have.

However, deep down all I really want is to get married and have babies as soon as I graduate. My religion plays a big part in this I can’t lie but I truly do really desire it too. I think about it a lot.

I worry that in my heart I’m just viewing university as a time to find a husband.

If I graduate at 23 and have a planned child within a year or two is that a waste of my education ? I would not want to be a stay at home mum completely but I’d probably only want to be working part time. My university is very very very very posh and I’m not at all so honestly I don’t think it’ll be that hard for me to marry someone a bit rich (because lit everyone is) which would take the pressure off me working so I could look after children. I don’t mean that I’m a gold digger looking for wealth, just it would be nice if they were comfortable.

I want it so much that that’s what I plan for much more than my career.

I know my goals are old fashioned and I feel guilty for them. I don’t know if it’s bad to yearn for this so much when I’m supposed to be a badass strong independent woman
It's not incompatible to be a feminist and want children and work part time (or not work at all). Feminism is partly about women feeling like they have choices in life.

However, I do urge you to wait until you genuinely love someone and have tested your compatibility for a long time rather than just looking around you for someone who is a "bit rich" and seems like husband material. You are likely to have a happier marriage if you wait to find the right person rather than rush into marriage with the first likely candidate.
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chopingirl
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The whole point of feminism imo is choice, so if it's your choice to have kids and be a homemaker then there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's your choice and you're not forced it into it. Also university is more than just a stepping stone to a job, it's supposed to be a social experience and about enriching your mind, it hasn't got to lead to a particular career if that's not a need for you. Your uni education will help you in life in general, in raising your kids and just for your own well being.
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TuttiFrutti1997
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The whole point of feminism is choice. Back in the 40's, it was an uphill battle to want to be an engineer while being a woman! Back then the life of a housemaker was pushed on women from their toddler years. But thanks to feminism, you have the choice. If you want to stay at home surrounded by children, power to you! If you want to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer, etc., power to you!
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by harrysbar)
It's not incompatible to be a feminist and want children and work part time (or not work at all). Feminism is partly about women feeling like they have choices in life.

However, I do urge you to wait until you genuinely love someone and have tested your compatibility for a long time rather than just looking around you for someone who is a "bit rich" and seems like husband material. You are likely to have a happier marriage if you wait to find the right person rather than rush into marriage with the first likely candidate.
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m a Christian. I’m 20 and just started at one of the top uni’s in the country on the number one uk course for my subject.

I’m a feminist and highly value women’s right to an education and am very grateful the opportunity I have.

However, deep down all I really want is to get married and have babies as soon as I graduate. My religion plays a big part in this I can’t lie but I truly do really desire it too. I think about it a lot.

I worry that in my heart I’m just viewing university as a time to find a husband.

If I graduate at 23 and have a planned child within a year or two is that a waste of my education ? I would not want to be a stay at home mum completely but I’d probably only want to be working part time. My university is very very very very posh and I’m not at all so honestly I don’t think it’ll be that hard for me to marry someone a bit rich (because lit everyone is) which would take the pressure off me working so I could look after children. I don’t mean that I’m a gold digger looking for wealth, just it would be nice if they were comfortable.

I want it so much that that’s what I plan for much more than my career.

I know my goals are old fashioned and I feel guilty for them. I don’t know if it’s bad to yearn for this so much when I’m supposed to be a badass strong independent woman
I did exactly this. I met a medical student straight after uni and married him. Despite his film star looks, comfortable job as a doctor, and intellect, he turned out to be a horrible person. His desirability meant he could give me a long list of preferences that I must keep to (needed to wear short skirts without flowers on, could not speak about practical things like the price of fish).

I had two lovely intelligent children, but he didn't care because it was all about him. I became a stay at home mum and so lost a lot of power, as he resented earning all the money. When I grew old and got cancer, because of his prestigious career he was able to run off with another woman. Women were throwing themselves at him (nurses and staff in hospital/his surgery) throughout our marriage, which is stressful enough.

During the divorce, i was branded a gold digger and an opportunist, who would soon get another, similarly rich man. I never have.

I bitterly regret stopping studying after my degree and not doing any practical training afterwards, because then I was left without a job and without any recent work experience. Luckily I got myself an admin job, but with professional qualifications I would be much more financially comfortable.

Luckily my sons have become much more successful than me, and will never struggle financially in their lives. I have also taught them to be the opposite of their dad (who never sees them) and be kind and caring towards others.

Let me be a walking, talking cautionary tale against taking your approach.
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candydiva
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Wow! Thx for sharing! That is indeed a cautionary tale of shattered hopes and painful learning with long-term consequences.

tbh I truly don't get why any woman would ever voluntarily plan her life to spend long periods in a condition of dependency, particularly when/if kids are involved. The idea of seeking a man to partner with and then place urself completely in his hands for years, by retreating from adult responsibility, while ur own opportunities slowly decline until u r thrown onto the scrap heap at a point in life when it's not downhill running any more... that's plain scary.

I fight fiercely for my independence, make my own money, pay for my place and things, and no I'm not rich and have to make sacrifices and tradeoffs but I am self-sufficient and nobody tells me what to do I have an aversion towards the kind of well-off dudes that u describe in ur post but I am fairly sure they recognize this and won't trouble me by approaching me... I am by no means easy prey, and these type of dudes much prefer easy prey. What amazes me is not that these guys exist but that even in the modern era some women seek this out. The Disney fantasy can be dangerous as well as false and empty.

There are so many cases where it does not end well for the woman concerned.
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