Gay help, Am I wasting my time?

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BenManc
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#1
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I'm a gay lad of 16.
I met a guy online (he's 21) and after talking for a few days he invited me round to his flat.
Long story short he ended up taking my virginity.
Since then he invites me round all the time and has sex with me.
Soon afterwards though he always seems to come up with a reason for me to leave, he's got to go out, he's tired, got people coming round etc.
He never just wants to talk or go out anywhere with me.
What would you think if you was me?
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StopRightThere
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(Original post by BenManc)
I'm a gay lad of 16.
I met a guy online (he's 21) and after talking for a few days he invited me round to his flat.
Long story short he ended up taking my virginity.
Since then he invites me round all the time and has sex with me.
Soon afterwards though he always seems to come up with a reason for me to leave, he's got to go out, he's tired, got people coming round etc.
He never just wants to talk or go out anywhere with me.
What would you think if you was me?
It seems as if he is using you for sex.
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BenManc
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(Original post by StopRightThere)
It seems as if he is using you for sex.
That's what I'm starting to think or that he's also having sex with other lads
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sonal7
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He might not be aware of how you feel. Communication is everything in relationships. If he loves you he ll try to make it work.

Although hes 21 and its all legal, the age difference around that time is rather big. Some people are not big on romantic stuff, but may be in love non the less. We have your side of the story to go on and it sounds hurtful.
Last edited by sonal7; 1 month ago
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StopRightThere
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(Original post by BenManc)
That's what I'm starting to think or that he's also having sex with other lads
(Original post by sonal7)
He might not be aware of how you feel. Communication is everything in relationships. If he loves you he ll try to make it work.

Although hes 21 and its all legal, the age difference around that time is rather big. Some people are not big on romantic stuff, but may be in love non the less. We have your side of the story to go on and it sounds hurtful.
I do agree with what sonal is saying. Have you tried talking to him about it?
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BenManc
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(Original post by StopRightThere)
I do agree with what sonal is saying. Have you tried talking to him about it?
Yea I've tried but he just brushes me off, as soon as I get to his he Fu*ks me then when I try and talk about anything he makes an excuse for me to go saying we'll talk next time
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sonal7
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(Original post by BenManc)
Yea I've tried but he just brushes me off, as soon as I get to his he Fu*ks me then when I try and talk about anything he makes an excuse for me to go saying we'll talk next time
What does he do? Why is he in so much rush? Has he got upcoming exams deadlines? Could there be a plausible explanation.
He cant do anything unless you allow him. Dont be passive in this relationship, you can set boundaries: no sex unless we sort this out. He might realise that you are not after sex. You might need to communicate that. You ll feel better if you talk to him and definitely dont be a walk over.
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StopRightThere
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(Original post by BenManc)
Yea I've tried but he just brushes me off, as soon as I get to his he Fu*ks me then when I try and talk about anything he makes an excuse for me to go saying we'll talk next time
Hm. I suppose you could try saying that if he doesn't talk to you about it, you won't do anything anymore.
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StopRightThere
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(Original post by sonal7)
What does he do? Why is he in so much rush? Has he got upcoming exams deadlines? Could there be a plausible explanation.
He cant do anything unless you allow him. Dont be passive in this relationship, you can set boundaries: no sex unless we sort this out. He might realise that you are not after sex. You might need to communicate that. You ll feel better if you talk to him and definitely dont be a walk over.
We said the same thing lol.
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sonal7
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(Original post by StopRightThere)
We said the same thing lol.
yeh lol
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BenManc
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(Original post by StopRightThere)
Hm. I suppose you could try saying that if he doesn't talk to you about it, you won't do anything anymore.
I've tried that last time I went round, I said I wasn't going in his bedroom till we talked.
He just started kissing me on the sofa as I was trying to talk taking my clothes off and before long I gave in and he had sex with me on the sofa then soon after he'd "finished" he suddenly got a phone call and said he had to go out
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StopRightThere
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(Original post by BenManc)
I've tried that last time I went round, I said I wasn't going in his bedroom till we talked.
He just started kissing me on the sofa as I was trying to talk taking my clothes off and before long I gave in and he had sex with me on the sofa then soon after he'd "finished" he suddenly got a phone call and said he had to go out
Next time, just walk out. He can't keep you there nor can he force you to do anything with him.
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BenManc
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(Original post by StopRightThere)
Next time, just walk out. He can't keep you there nor can he force you to do anything with him.
Yea I should but it's just hard cus I really like him.
I'm scared he might be having sex with other lads as well and I could catch something
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sonal7
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I guess what you said is that you got seduced and your strategy didnt work. Try a different location like a park where he can only talk. Try texting him and saying the things you wish to say instead of talking and see what he replies, and just dont go there until he agrees to do things differently.
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sonal7
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(Original post by BenManc)
Yea I should but it's just hard cus I really like him.
I'm scared he might be having sex with other lads as well and I could catch something
You need to use protection. Giving up your health is not love. It does not help either of you to be passively going along with things. There are free condoms that you get, there are some special ones that you cant even feel but i cant remember what they are called.
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BenManc
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(Original post by sonal7)
You need to use protection. Giving up your health is not love. It does not help either of you to be passively going along with things. There are free condoms that you get, there are some special ones that you cant even feel but i cant remember what they are called.
He used one the first time when he took my virginity but took it off half way through saying it's better without them and finished without one and ever since he hasn't used them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BenManc)
He used one the first time when he took my virginity but took it off half way through saying it's better without them and finished without one and ever since he hasn't used them
It sounds like he just wants sex, but you're letting him continue to use you like that.
He's not going to suddenly want more from you. If you don't just want to have sex, I suggest you bail.
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MadameRazz
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he’s definitely using you for sex. 21 and 16 is not a good idea. stop going over.
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sonal7
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(Original post by BenManc)
He used one the first time when he took my virginity but took it off half way through saying it's better without them and finished without one and ever since he hasn't used them
You need to take control. I think sex and love are different things. You could also meet someone else and fall for someone else, it works both ways. Why should you be scared he might have other lovers? he should be equally scared of losing you? It might be why he sleeps with you to show you he's so much into you and does not interpret the feelings from your side. Its hard to guess what hes feeling. You cant sacrifice your health. Try abstaining from sex until you have set the boundaries including the condom use, or have had some tests done. I def think stop seeing him until you have gone to GUM and both of you have had tests, its a good excuse not to have sex for a few days so that you can get to talk. It will give you a break and take the pressure of you. It will give you both time to chat. If you are both clear and are in a monogamous relationship then you might consider not using condom. Its hard to say which how he ll react, but you need to put your views and feelings across, also your health needs.
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Anonymous #2
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Dude you let him take your virginity the first time you went round, not only that you let him take the rubber off and **** you bare, more than likely he came in you!
Since then he's clicked his fingers an you've come running, he's ****ed you, loaded your ass then ****ed you off.

You were just a little nieve virgin boy with boxers he found super easy to get into, super easy to bare **** you and since then super easy to **** anytime he likes.
Your just an easy **** to him, nothing more nothing less!
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