My self-esteem is so incredibly low that it's making my life unliveable.

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Forestieri
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I literally have no self-worth. I hate myself. I am aware of every negative attribute that I possess physically, mentally and in my character. I feel like no insult could ever hurt me because I already accept how pathetic I am.

I was bullied badly at school, and I stayed away from college for 2 years because I couldn't face the prospect of being a social reject again. I barely left the house and when I did I felt on edge.

I am now at university, in my second year, and things have become really bad again. I spend all of my time alone in my room, only leaving to go to the library or the shop. I keep to myself because I feel inadequate to talk/be with anybody including family... I think I just want to shut myself away until nature does with me. I look at myself introspectively and know that if I were someone else, I wouldn't want to be my friend and certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me, I have nothing to offer anybody, I'm totally empty. I see people living relatively normal lives, well, even just doing SOMETHING, spending time with family/friends, going places, doing mildly interesting things and I have none of that, I haven't seen family for months and I have no friends, my low-self esteem pushed those that I had away.

Even reading this, I know you most likely pity me and even if it's subconsciously, think of how pathetic I am. I can't see this ever changing.
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londonmyst
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Life is too short to waste on negativity.
Don't hate yourself or push friendly people away.
Try to remember how comparatively lucky you are to be alive, healthy and access to a safe living environment.

I volunteer supporting the survivors of rape, honour abuse and other appalling crimes to rebuild their lives.
Many are traumatized with horrifying injuries, in very poor health and have no safe place to stay.
They don't know where their next meal is coming from, have endured terrible suffering at the hands of relatives who want them dead and have no one who cares about them.
Any of them would gladly swap places with you.
Last edited by londonmyst; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #1
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I know exactly how you feel and I have felt like this for much of my life as well and it’s so difficult to understand until you’ve been in that situation. Today was the first time that I have ever properly spoken to someone about this problem of mine and it did take a bit of the weight off my shoulders. I definitely think you should spend more time doing things that take your mind off but you should definitelyyyy speak to someone, a professional would be your best option as I’m sure they help people like you on the daily and so many people have the same problem and so many of them get better. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel
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PleasantShudder
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Stay positive. Each of us has special qualities that make us who we are. You are not pathetic. Don't let a bad event in the past stop you from having a bright future.

Is there a way you can contact your family? Maybe video call them.
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Forestieri
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Life is too short to waste on negativity.
Don't hate yourself or push friendly people away.
Try to remember how comparatively lucky you are to be alive, healthy and access to a safe living environment.

I volunteer supporting the survivors of rape, honour abuse and other appalling crimes to rebuild their lives.
Many are traumatized with horrifying injuries, in very poor health and have no safe place to stay.
They don't know where their next meal is coming from, have endured terrible suffering at the hands of relatives who want them dead and have no one who cares about them.
Any of them would gladly swap places with you.
With all due respect, your response equates to being amongst the worst ways you can respond to somebody in such a scenario. Basically you just told me to stop whining because other people may have it worse. For a start, you know next to nothing about me, I've been through things that would probably come close to what you work with. My life has been extremely unstable since childhood and I really doubt that most people would 'happily swap with me'.

As somebody who works with people in need, I would have thought you would know a better way to respond. Thanks but no thanks.
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AngB89
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(Original post by Forestieri)
I literally have no self-worth. I hate myself. I am aware of every negative attribute that I possess physically, mentally and in my character. I feel like no insult could ever hurt me because I already accept how pathetic I am.

I was bullied badly at school, and I stayed away from college for 2 years because I couldn't face the prospect of being a social reject again. I barely left the house and when I did I felt on edge.

I am now at university, in my second year, and things have become really bad again. I spend all of my time alone in my room, only leaving to go to the library or the shop. I keep to myself because I feel inadequate to talk/be with anybody including family... I think I just want to shut myself away until nature does with me. I look at myself introspectively and know that if I were someone else, I wouldn't want to be my friend and certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me, I have nothing to offer anybody, I'm totally empty. I see people living relatively normal lives, well, even just doing SOMETHING, spending time with family/friends, going places, doing mildly interesting things and I have none of that, I haven't seen family for months and I have no friends, my low-self esteem pushed those that I had away.

Even reading this, I know you most likely pity me and even if it's subconsciously, think of how pathetic I am. I can't see this ever changing.
I can totally understand as I have been the same since I was a child. I've started to get worse again and am now having counselling, while it might not fix me I think it will help to realise the cause if the problem and perhaps be able to improve how I feel.

One thing that stuck with me was my counsellor said if your friend was in your position what would you do, and obviously I said I would want to help her. He said then why don't you believe anyone wouldn't be interested or want to help you?

I think the point is that we are very self critical and that actually, for our family, friends and others looking in we are a much different person than we see ourselves. I think perhaps a start would be to get some counselling or CBT (I'm not sure about your uni but some can help with this) and maybe try to get back in touch with those you pushed away. You need a good support network to help you and build you up.
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Forestieri
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(Original post by AngB89)
I can totally understand as I have been the same since I was a child. I've started to get worse again and am now having counselling, while it might not fix me I think it will help to realise the cause if the problem and perhaps be able to improve how I feel.

One thing that stuck with me was my counsellor said if your friend was in your position what would you do, and obviously I said I would want to help her. He said then why don't you believe anyone wouldn't be interested or want to help you?

I think the point is that we are very self critical and that actually, for our family, friends and others looking in we are a much different person than we see ourselves. I think perhaps a start would be to get some counselling or CBT (I'm not sure about your uni but some can help with this) and maybe try to get back in touch with those you pushed away. You need a good support network to help you and build you up.
Hey. I'm so sorry that you have felt the same, I wouldn't wish this kind of self-critique on anybody and I really hope you can find your way again.

I think you're right though, the way we evaluate ourselves is completely different to how others do, and we probably don't realise that there are people who value us in ways that we don't see for ourselves. The core of my issue is very complex though and not something I wanted to include in my post, and there isn't a straightforward solution.

I am going through talking therapy right now, but I only have 3 sessions left and then I'm not sure where I go next. It's helping to some extent to figure myself out but it's only once per week and the rest of the time I fall back into these deep, dark holes of self-hatred.
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nbhgdt1234
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Life is too short to waste on negativity.
Don't hate yourself or push friendly people away.
Try to remember how comparatively lucky you are to be alive, healthy and access to a safe living environment.

I volunteer supporting the survivors of rape, honour abuse and other appalling crimes to rebuild their lives.
Many are traumatized with horrifying injuries, in very poor health and have no safe place to stay.
They don't know where their next meal is coming from, have endured terrible suffering at the hands of relatives who want them dead and have no one who cares about them.
Any of them would gladly swap places with you.
Yea you shouldn't be sad because you haven't been raped before!
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AngB89
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(Original post by Forestieri)
Hey. I'm so sorry that you have felt the same, I wouldn't wish this kind of self-critique on anybody and I really hope you can find your way again.

I think you're right though, the way we evaluate ourselves is completely different to how others do, and we probably don't realise that there are people who value us in ways that we don't see for ourselves. The core of my issue is very complex though and not something I wanted to include in my post, and there isn't a straightforward solution.

I am going through talking therapy right now, but I only have 3 sessions left and then I'm not sure where I go next. It's helping to some extent to figure myself out but it's only once per week and the rest of the time I fall back into these deep, dark holes of self-hatred.
I think getting therapy is definitely a good place to start and while its not an instant fix it will be putting something into place. I'm sure they will be able to sign point you to other services which could be useful for you, they definitely won't just leave you without help if you are still in need of support.

I'm always happy to chat, with no judgement, so please don't feel like you are alone.
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Anonymous #2
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Trust me u can get through this. You are loved and worthy and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.Society may put u down but who are they to judge you are better than what they choose to label you as. Believe in yourself you are here on this earth for a reason. To make a change for the better😊
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shak101
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OP, you should always look at those less fortunate then you. It allows you to appreciate just how lucky you are.

(Original post by nbhgdt1234)
Yea you shouldn't be sad because you haven't been raped before!
She did not say that.
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*****deadness
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You're only as much as what you allow yourself to be. You could be doing your own thing in the corner feeling too inferior to open up while other people simply can't know if you want to be friends or not. Gather some courage and talk if you want a social life. Ask if talking to you is a bother to them like you might think. You'll probably be surprised.
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FrankSmith2002
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(Original post by Forestieri)
I literally have no self-worth. I hate myself. I am aware of every negative attribute that I possess physically, mentally and in my character. I feel like no insult could ever hurt me because I already accept how pathetic I am.

I was bullied badly at school, and I stayed away from college for 2 years because I couldn't face the prospect of being a social reject again. I barely left the house and when I did I felt on edge.

I am now at university, in my second year, and things have become really bad again. I spend all of my time alone in my room, only leaving to go to the library or the shop. I keep to myself because I feel inadequate to talk/be with anybody including family... I think I just want to shut myself away until nature does with me. I look at myself introspectively and know that if I were someone else, I wouldn't want to be my friend and certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me, I have nothing to offer anybody, I'm totally empty. I see people living relatively normal lives, well, even just doing SOMETHING, spending time with family/friends, going places, doing mildly interesting things and I have none of that, I haven't seen family for months and I have no friends, my low-self esteem pushed those that I had away.

Even reading this, I know you most likely pity me and even if it's subconsciously, think of how pathetic I am. I can't see this ever changing.
First thing to remember is that you aren't alone, there are probably dozens of people in your year at university who are feeling the exact same way. I always think one of the hardest steps in overcoming difficulties like this is life is getting these things off your chest, and you've done that now (you deserve serious props for putting it here, posting these things, even online, takes a lot of courage!). Talking with a professional is probably the best way to move forward from here, pretty much all universities will offer support to students when they need it, so look up where you can get that at your uni, it will definitely help.
The other thing I would say it try to avoid putting yourself down so much. We all do it, but overly critiquing ourselves doesn't help anybody at all. We're all different, and we all face different challenges in life. Some people find it easy to make new friends and talk to people, others don't, but that's nothing to be ashamed or put yourself down about, those imperfections are what makes us human. Try talking to people at your uni, even if it's just saying hi to someone, it can go a long way in helping you to build your confidence back. Maybe, as someone said above, ask if they're happy to talk to you, you'd be surprised by the answer.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by shak101)
OP, you should always look at those less fortunate then you. It allows you to appreciate just how lucky you are.



She did not say that.
I don't think you understand how hard it is to appreciate 'how lucky you are' when you're feeling like the world is against you. Although you're right in that we are lucky not to have faced those difficulties ourselves, everybody faces different challenges in life, and telling people to 'toughen up' and move on because 'other people have bigger problems' isn't really going to help anybody.
OP is clearly going through a tough time, they've gained the courage to talk about it and reach out to get help (which is a massive step when you're struggling with something like this), don't push them back, help them forward.
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OxFossil
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(Original post by Forestieri)
I literally have no self-worth. I hate myself. I am aware of every negative attribute that I possess physically, mentally and in my character. I feel like no insult could ever hurt me because I already accept how pathetic I am.

I was bullied badly at school, and I stayed away from college for 2 years because I couldn't face the prospect of being a social reject again. I barely left the house and when I did I felt on edge.

I am now at university, in my second year, and things have become really bad again. I spend all of my time alone in my room, only leaving to go to the library or the shop. I keep to myself because I feel inadequate to talk/be with anybody including family... I think I just want to shut myself away until nature does with me. I look at myself introspectively and know that if I were someone else, I wouldn't want to be my friend and certainly wouldn't want to be in a romantic relationship with me, I have nothing to offer anybody, I'm totally empty. I see people living relatively normal lives, well, even just doing SOMETHING, spending time with family/friends, going places, doing mildly interesting things and I have none of that, I haven't seen family for months and I have no friends, my low-self esteem pushed those that I had away.

Even reading this, I know you most likely pity me and even if it's subconsciously, think of how pathetic I am. I can't see this ever changing.
I imagine your counsellor/therapist has given you ideas based on CBT, like mindfulness, positive self-talk, how to avoid repetitive negative thinking, relaxation etc?

One thing that might help is if you recognise these self-hating thoughts aren't your true self. They belong to those bullies you had, and to the other people who treated you like $$$$. It seems to happen to most people who are badly bullied. In reality, there is nothing especially bad or pathetic about you personally. You are almost certainly reacting normally to bad circumstances- and most of us would probably be in a similar situation if we'd had your experiences.

It will be a battle to get rid of those messages, though. Can you practice telling them to shut up, and/or stop paying them attention? Maybe each time one of your negative thoughts appears, use it as a cue to do something else - talk over it, go out for a walk, do something soothing or enjoyable - whatever helps to drown the bullies out?

In terms of planning for the future, again, you have probably heard most of the usual ideas. But anyway - avoiding people altogether is likely to be a dead-end - not many of us do well without some human contact. Can you set small goals for social interactions - like saying 'good morning' to 3 people every day, or something? Animals and nature can be a less threatening way of interacting with another creature. Can you find a way of making friends with a squirrel, or volunteer at an animal rescue centre or something?Can you have a goal around physical activity- like, twice around the block at a time you know is usually bad? Build up, maybe get the courage to join a jogging club or somethhing [COVID blah blah, i know, but something like that????]. Things will change. Dont give up.
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shak101
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think you understand how hard it is to appreciate 'how lucky you are' when you're feeling like the world is against you. Although you're right in that we are lucky not to have faced those difficulties ourselves, everybody faces different challenges in life, and telling people to 'toughen up' and move on because 'other people have bigger problems' isn't really going to help anybody.
OP is clearly going through a tough time, they've gained the courage to talk about it and reach out to get help (which is a massive step when you're struggling with something like this), don't push them back, help them forward.
I never told OP to "toughen up". I told them to look at people less fortunate then them. Those are not the same thing.

Btw what was the need for you to use anonymous to say this?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by shak101)
I never told OP to "toughen up". I told them to look at people less fortunate then them. Those are not the same thing.

Btw what was the need for you to use anonymous to say this?
But it is pretty much the same thing. It’s near impossible to feel ‘privileged’ about things when your finding things as tough as OP is. Telling someone their issues don’t matter because there are bigger ones out there just makes them feel more worthless than they do already, is that really how you want OP to feel?
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Forestieri
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(Original post by AngB89)
I think getting therapy is definitely a good place to start and while its not an instant fix it will be putting something into place. I'm sure they will be able to sign point you to other services which could be useful for you, they definitely won't just leave you without help if you are still in need of support.

I'm always happy to chat, with no judgement, so please don't feel like you are alone.
I'n doing talking therapy right now through uni and it helps in some ways, but in others it just leaves me confused and kind of lost. I may take you up on the offer to talk.
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AngB89
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(Original post by Forestieri)
I'n doing talking therapy right now through uni and it helps in some ways, but in others it just leaves me confused and kind of lost. I may take you up on the offer to talk.
If you feel it will help please do message me i will be happy to chat
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Forestieri
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(Original post by AngB89)
If you feel it will help please do message me i will be happy to chat
Great well I sent you a message, thanks for the offer. Can definitely help to talk with people who understand. 🙂
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