falsahlani
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Hi, do you guys have any tips on English language paper 2 as I find it much harder than paper 1
thank you
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SlytherinSoul
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(Original post by falsahlani)
Hi, I have written a attempt to a question 5 paper 1, but I have no one to mark it. could it be possible for you to mark this and give me a mark. thank you!


Question 5 paper 1
A time when you felt happy

Invidious, numb and restless. Those were the words to describe my heaving heart. The heart that had been yearning for affection and comfort, only to be put in a suffocating silence and strident mind.

It wasn't long ago when I and Dalia were the closest of friends. We would babble on about the unknowing rumours of our town, we would prepare our most beloved dished-not because we were in need of satisfying our hunger -but because it is what we did for joy, and lastly we would release the sound of laughter while the world slept into a blissful sleep. She was somewhat loveable but yet hard to unravel. She was especially close to my husband Henry. Henry was the star in my raven eyes, the spark in my hollow heart but was as mysterious as the darkside of the moon. The memories I made with them were like gold in a bowl of pennies, diamond in a cave of coal. The two most beloved souls in my simple yet complicated life disappeared as if i were hallucinating what i wish was true.

What happened you may ask? Well it's simple. Everything I ever treasure disappeared by the action of my gentle and soft hands that reached out to the deceased tree drawers that had been veiling the white as spoiled milk envelope that had been written “to my darling Henry” from Dalia. Slowly but quickly, my hovering hand stretched out to grasp the sinful paper. As I allow my eyes to drift from sentence to sentence, I carefully witness the world blur by droplets of pain and sorrow. They have now been extinguished from my lonely life. Religiously, I trod to the forgotten meadow; not a single individual would be found here, but the soul of the deceased who come to mourn their grieving hearts out. Or so I thought...
***
The lady standing besides the ancient bench looked like any baroness. On the outside she seemed well put together, her charcoal hair was pulled up neatly and held by a single hair tie, with a crimson ribbon to veil her radiant cerulean hair tie, but on the inside she seemed hopeless.

She wore an emerald gown made of the finest and softest satiny fabric, long and loose. A semi-circular high collar made of silk-like material. Her ankle length skirt remained motionless as she glared into the distance. A sudden gust of wind swept through her raven hair and stole a single strand from her.

Everyone without a doubt would say that she represented classical beauty. Her pencil thin eyebrows gently eased down to her black beetle legs eyelashes that were connected to her almond shaped eyes that were pitch black, but as the light reflected onto her helpless eyes, it mimicked stars. Her cheekbones weren't especially high but that didn't matter as her pixie nose out shined that, as well as her pale pink lips. Her delicate, gleaming pale skin would shine for hours on end radiating some sort of light that would be found nowhere else. She represented classical beauty.

You could see her eyes wandering across the empty meadow.it was a glorious expanse of grass rustling in the gentle breeze and an abundance of divine flowers. There was a narrow brook flowing through a pair of sycamore trees. The soft, gentle and quiet water flow reflected the pale lilac flowers like dozens of tiny bells growing at the edge of the brook.
But as you would look back at her all the world's finest beauty disappeared as if it never existed. There was no anger, no joy, no sadness, no fear. She did not even appear bored nor tired staring blancklessly at the vibrant meadow. While the meadow was full of life she was not

The weather was as complex as she was. It seemed like it overflowed with generous sunshine and warmth, all sweetness and brilliant, unfettered golden rays. Yet you would look up and witness how the grey clouds loomed in the sky with a promise of rain. Sometimes, just sometimes you could observe the intertwining of both cold and warmth, the freezing fog with a touch of light mist. The weather reminded me of the women, you couldn't tell whether it was hot or cold, just like her, you couldn't tell whether she was content or down.

I remember a time when she would enlighten a smile to anyone's face. The moment she would enter a room that was contaminated with the unforgiving darkness, she would light it up, as if she were a flame that ignited the world to happiness. After many months of observing her I finally gathered the courage to walk to her. As I was slowly but carefully pulled toward her, I noticed how my steps became heavier than the last, my breath became deeper than the last, my sweat ran faster than the last. I finally reached to her and her eyes drilled into mine.. Her eyes widened, forehead wrinkled and her pencil thin eyebrows lowered. ‘henery !” she bellowed with a low tone of voice.

Reader, I am Henry, I am her past lover.
Thats absolutely amazing, bloody brilliant i assure you you will get a's what a brilliant piece of writing you are very talented
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falsahlani
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thank you very much for your time, however what mark would you give it
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giella
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I think you need to try being more sparing with your descriptive language. There are so many adjectives, similes and metaphors that I struggled to follow what was going on. Less is more.

I don’t think you’ve really met the brief either. I don’t get a strong happiness vibe from this.
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SlytherinSoul
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Maybe not but it's still bloody good but may fit nicer within another theme
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giella
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(Original post by SlytherinSoul)
Maybe not but it's still bloody good but may fit nicer within another theme
I’ve marked GCSE English papers. I’d dare to disagree.
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