Family abuses me a lot?Watch
Since I was a child, my family constantly humiliated me verbally and so did my extended family members.
I did not have a happy childhood since my parents had a very abusive and unhappy marriage. My family are also extremely concerned with wealth, property, status, power and position and don't see beyond that. Since I was different from them in ideology and thinking, I was immediately casted out as the black sheep of the family.
I was not good in studies in school. I was bullied in school and struggled to pass in math, physics and chemistry till grade 10, so I was ridiculed.
From grade 11, I improved as I switched to studying humanities. When I started college, I dropped out a few months later and applied for US universities. I did go to US but returned in a week.
Since 2013, I stayed home, tried to rejoin the US university but failed. I also gave admission tests to fashion colleges and got through but was never really keen to study fashion so I did not join.
Finally in 2016, I tried applying to British universities and succeeded. I went to London and completed my BA. I thought everything would go well but it didn't
I had plenty of issues with one being the loss of someone I really loved. I also had no friends at all. I was extremely lonely at university and was struggling a lot in my love life. It finally ended and the guy moved away to Spain and got together with another girl (Spanish girl) who was studying at my university.
I was so upset that I finally shared this with my family hoping they would listen and at least I would have someone to talk to.
Instead this backfired because they wouldn't understand my feelings or emotions. I was mocked, verbally abused and subjected to ridicule by my family. My mother lied to me saying things will improve even though I kept saying things were going horribly for me. I kept saying that things weren't improving. I said numerous times that things were getting worse and worse but she refused to agree with what I was saying. We fought a lot over this.
When I returned home after completing my BA, then she changed her tune saying nothing good will happen in my personal situation. And she and my brother blamed me for causing the fights and arguments.
I'm now doing MSC but even now my family ridicules me, says I will beg on the streets. My father has repeatedly said that I'm studying because of him, as he's funding me financially.
My brother has repeatedly said he's the only one in the family who can make my parents proud as I'm worthless and won't achieve anything in UK/elsewhere. He even says me not achieving anything is a practical fact. I ve felt numerous times that he secretly enjoys that my love life was spoiled as he has said that I may have to compromise in my dating/married life and how the guy who left probably never liked me. My brother and mom have also looked the guy and his family up on Facebook.
All three of them say I'm too old to ask for money from them and since they are funding my studies, I'm indebted to them and I must admit how much they have done for me since they took loans from banks and people to fund my education. Otherwise I will face bad karma.
All three of them regularly disrespect and abuse people , have done awful things to other people but are teaching me how I'm doing things which will make me suffer.
They never appreciate anything I do. All I hear about myself is bad and negative things. Never have I heard anyone complimenting me for my artworks. I paint a lot but nobody appreciates it.
I also wrote in in my university newspaper and a tabloid newspaper but the reaction was quite lukewarm.
Am I really wrong? Will I suffer from being angry or aggressive towards them?