Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I'm a first year at Leeds University and I'm so lonely. I chose to live in a houseshare last min because I'm already 23 and didn't want to live in student accommodation. I moved in with a group of friends (all 3rd years) and whilst they're nice I definitely don't fit in with them. I've joined 3 societies to meet people but because of coronavirus there's no socials at all and we barely meet in person. I'm at a loss on how to make friends. I tried attending gatherings during 'freshers week' to meet people but we didn't keep in touch after that.

I feel so down. Everyone in halls has had a chance to really get to know each other because of all these social distancing rules and I'm sat in my room every night alone with no one to talk to. I have a couple friends back home but they're working full-time so we don't really do much.

Genuinely feels like I'm just wasting away and my 'good' uni years are flying by uneventfully
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Anonymous #2
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm a first year at Leeds University and I'm so lonely. I chose to live in a houseshare last min because I'm already 23 and didn't want to live in student accommodation. I moved in with a group of friends (all 3rd years) and whilst they're nice I definitely don't fit in with them. I've joined 3 societies to meet people but because of coronavirus there's no socials at all and we barely meet in person. I'm at a loss on how to make friends. I tried attending gatherings during 'freshers week' to meet people but we didn't keep in touch after that.

I feel so down. Everyone in halls has had a chance to really get to know each other because of all these social distancing rules and I'm sat in my room every night alone with no one to talk to. I have a couple friends back home but they're working full-time so we don't really do much.

Genuinely feels like I'm just wasting away and my 'good' uni years are flying by uneventfully
There is usually 3 ways of meeting people at uni in my experience, unless you're very good at meeting people on the street randomly.

1. Meet people from your course
As you will be spending some time with the other students on your course, you tend to associate them more. They're good to socialise with, especially if they can help you with revision or get general tips on improving grades, etc.

2. Clubs/societies
I have a number of friends from clubs and societies that I keep in contact to this day. It's harder if they don't attend the club often or they don't go to socials.

3. Housemates
They are usually your main source of friends throughout your time during uni. When I had housemates, we tried to do something together e.g. curry night, pizza night, beers during a football game. You'd be surprised how people easily open up once you have something in common and you're all raving about it.

You can meet friends at the university's events, but it's harder. It's not really that different from meeting people whilst you're clubbing.
You can also try to network your way to meeting friends, but they don't usually stick unless you have a spark and really hit it off.

When meeting people, it's a good idea to give people a reason to get in contact with you again, otherwise it's just an exchange of pleasantries. Ideally, it would be something you all would be really into.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
There is usually 3 ways of meeting people at uni in my experience, unless you're very good at meeting people on the street randomly.

1. Meet people from your course
As you will be spending some time with the other students on your course, you tend to associate them more. They're good to socialise with, especially if they can help you with revision or get general tips on improving grades, etc.

2. Clubs/societies
I have a number of friends from clubs and societies that I keep in contact to this day. It's harder if they don't attend the club often or they don't go to socials.

3. Housemates
They are usually your main source of friends throughout your time during uni. When I had housemates, we tried to do something together e.g. curry night, pizza night, beers during a football game. You'd be surprised how people easily open up once you have something in common and you're all raving about it.

You can meet friends at the university's events, but it's harder. It's not really that different from meeting people whilst you're clubbing.
You can also try to network your way to meeting friends, but they don't usually stick unless you have a spark and really hit it off.

When meeting people, it's a good idea to give people a reason to get in contact with you again, otherwise it's just an exchange of pleasantries. Ideally, it would be something you all would be really into.
I appreciate the tips, but with lockdown happening rn it really is impossible to do most of what you suggested. All societies are online and have a single 'coffee hour' or 'bingo night' once a week with breakout rooms. This doesn't give you an opportunity to really connect with people, let alone meet a large variety of people. I'm a part of 2 sports clubs but we train once every 2 weeks for an hour, socially distanced. This means we can't really interact before or after the session, and we can't meet up to do things because we're apart of different households. We are put into group chats with like 7 other people, but no one ever talks.

I like my housemates but they are all 3rd years and haven't been close friends for 2 years already. I am still an outsider to them and they won't be here next year, so I need to make friendships with other first years.

My course is also small. Everything is online so again we have no way of talking in person. We have group chats but only talk about work. We met up a couple times at the start and a few formed friendships but nothing solid stuck with me (different interests and they all lived in same halls, whereas I do not).

This pandemic has made it really really hard to engage with people. It's such an isolating experience.
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#4
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#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
I appreciate the tips, but with lockdown happening rn it really is impossible to do most of what you suggested. All societies are online and have a single 'coffee hour' or 'bingo night' once a week with breakout rooms. This doesn't give you an opportunity to really connect with people, let alone meet a large variety of people. I'm a part of 2 sports clubs but we train once every 2 weeks for an hour, socially distanced. This means we can't really interact before or after the session, and we can't meet up to do things because we're apart of different households. We are put into group chats with like 7 other people, but no one ever talks.

I like my housemates but they are all 3rd years and haven't been close friends for 2 years already. I am still an outsider to them and they won't be here next year, so I need to make friendships with other first years.

My course is also small. Everything is online so again we have no way of talking in person. We have group chats but only talk about work. We met up a couple times at the start and a few formed friendships but nothing solid stuck with me (different interests and they all lived in same halls, whereas I do not).

This pandemic has made it really really hard to engage with people. It's such an isolating experience.
I think you're definitely not alone with this one, I'm seeing this sort of post a lot more frequently obviously due to C19. It's not an easy thing but I do think it would be worth it trying to engage with your housemates- I completely understand your reservations about them being established as a group and being third years but that doesnt make it a waste at all. The fact that theyre in such an established group says to me that theyre the sort of friends who, if you mingle with now, might remain friends of yours for a while which is never bad. And even if it doesnt last, if youre feeling isolated right now it might be good just keeping social at all because once you start to withdraw socially it only gets easier to keep withdrawing.

Another idea that you might like is keeping an eye out on here and when you spot any posts about ithers feeling lonely at uni, just dropping them a PM with the offer of a conversation and see how you get along. You might not like anyone at all but you might also make some friends who you can socialise with online even if not necessarily irl (might be better than nothing)
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Anonymous #3
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
I feel you, I'm in uni too and I'm a fresher, I'm friendly with people in my course but I can't say I've really made friends yet. What makes it more complicated is that I'm 19 and I live at home. Honestly this time really makes it a struggle. But I'm making good connections in societies. It's not that easy, but you'll find somewhere, if one society doesn't work, join another. I've had up and down experiences with them so far. There are those really good ones and others where committee members talk among each other on a zoom call, mute everyone and done care. I mean this is uni at the end of the day, it won't be perfect, but I'm sure there are people on campus who feel your struggle. You'll find friends, it takes time, especially right now, but it's not impossible.
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