The Student Room Group

Despise my sister

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Original post by Catsarepurrfect

Well you apparently don't... Or at least not in this context. The mother is worried because her kid is not picking up the phone. And the OP is angry because they don't want their mom to suffer and to be disrespected that way. Child which respects their parents would at least pick up the phone and say "hi! I am okay, i will get home around one in the morning"


I have plenty of respect for my parents and have already stated in several posts what I do when I can't pick up the phone.

I think that there is a lot more to the story and to the family dynamic that we don't know about and it would be wrong to pick a side without having all the information. I do get OP's and her mom's perspective, however with comments about the sister lacking transparency and how no one at home knows what she is doing after work (why the hell should a 22-year-old be telling her parents this ?!) and in fact accusing her of lying because apparently people don't talk to their colleagues outside of work, I can also see things from the sister's perspective and I can see why she might be rebelling in this way. I also note that in all her posts, OP has said that the sister had told her mum that she finishes work at 10pm, not that she would be home by 10pm - perhaps a better deal would be for them to ask her what time she will be home?
Original post by black tea
I have plenty of respect for my parents and have already stated in several posts what I do when I can't pick up the phone.

I think that there is a lot more to the story and to the family dynamic that we don't know about and it would be wrong to pick a side without having all the information. I do get OP's and her mom's perspective, however with comments about the sister lacking transparency and how no one at home knows what she is doing after work (why the hell should a 22-year-old be telling her parents this ?!) and in fact accusing her of lying because apparently people don't talk to their colleagues outside of work, I can also see things from the sister's perspective and I can see why she might be rebelling in this way. I also note that in all her posts, OP has said that the sister had told her mum that she finishes work at 10pm, not that she would be home by 10pm - perhaps a better deal would be for them to ask her what time she will be home?

No, i didn't mean the previous post that you don't respect you parents, i meant that maybe you don't understand the problem in this context :smile:

Yeah, but that is the problem, isn't it? She doesn't tell them when she is going to get back and she doesn't pick up the phone to assure her mum... Or text her. I do see it from the sister's perspective, but i also think that she is at age when should understand that she cannot always take and take and give nothing in return in terms of communication and that parents are people too and they also have feelings, which are not always entirely rational.
Original post by exols
why does that even matter lol


She’s a Muslim Pakistani and Muslims are meant to dress modestly so she is saying that despite her sister doing all of the haram stuff, she doesn’t care, but what she doesn’t want is her mother to be worried and stay up all night
Original post by Anonymous
Long story short, i come from a traditional pakistani family. My mum raised us alone in an inner city area.

My sister is younger than me (22) and she recently got a job in a pub. She secretly drinks, dresses not very islamically and takes weed. Her shift's finish at 10pm but she does not come home until half 1 in the morning and claims she is talking to her co workers.

My mum is a push over. She thinks my sister is working in a restaurant. I had an argument with my sister recently and told her to get a grip but her response was she's an adult and can do whatever the hell she wants.

I'm sick and tired of her crap. My mum won't sleep until she gets back home because she's worried and I'm just so angry. Who tf spends 3 hours socialising after there shift???? I hate her so much for the stress she causes this family

Salam,
I’m really sorry you haven’t received much helpful advice, I would just like to say that as a Pakistani Muslim too, I also feel so sorry for you and your mum on what you have to deal with. Your sister is being really unfair towards your mum especially and I apologise that I can’t give much help but all I can think of is make Dua to God to guide her back on the right path and prevent her being tempting by shaytan. There is nothing more powerful than a believer praying to their creator

I know many people on her will understand our culture and upbringing but I would probably feel the same way if I was in your shoes


Spoiler

Original post by Anonymous
these people don’t understand the level of respect we have for our parents in our culture.


Please don't say that, I am from a South Asian household and have a Muslim family myself, and I have seen some Asians disrespecting their parents far more than any of 'these' people. Her sister is an adult. Every culture respects parents, I can't think of any culture that doesn't, can you name any?
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by KelsieTaylor
Please don't say that, I am from a South Asian household and have a Muslim family myself, and I have seen some Asians disrespecting their parents far more than any of 'these' people. Her sister is an adult. Every culture respects parents, I can't think of any culture that doesn't, can you name any?


I know Asians disrespect their parents too, that’s why I’m saying people are taking her sister’s side and don’t understand the values we have in our culture. This doesn’t mean I’m saying other cultures don’t respect their parents.
If we had to speak from an Islamic perspective, you aren’t even allowed to say ‘uff’ to your parents, obviously unless they’re wrong and her mum is no where near wrong in this
Original post by Anonymous
I know Asians disrespect their parents too, that’s why I’m saying people are taking her sister’s side and don’t understand the values we have in our culture. This doesn’t mean I’m saying other cultures don’t respect their parents.
If we had to speak from an Islamic perspective, you aren’t even allowed to say ‘uff’ to your parents, obviously unless they’re wrong and her mum is no where near wrong in this

You are right, but the issue I have with your statement is that you say that 'they don't understand the values we have in our culture.' They do understand because virtually every culture has those values, Islam or Asian cultures are not different in that sense.
First off I dont believe you can take weed you can smoke it though.
It also sounds like you need a vacation or something buddy lot of toxicness there.
Original post by Catsarepurrfect
No, i didn't mean the previous post that you don't respect you parents, i meant that maybe you don't understand the problem in this context :smile:

Yeah, but that is the problem, isn't it? She doesn't tell them when she is going to get back and she doesn't pick up the phone to assure her mum... Or text her. I do see it from the sister's perspective, but i also think that she is at age when should understand that she cannot always take and take and give nothing in return in terms of communication and that parents are people too and they also have feelings, which are not always entirely rational.

Can I ask are you a south asian from a Muslim family?
Original post by Anonymous
Can I ask are you a south asian from a Muslim family?

Nope, i am from middle/western europe from the most atheistic country in the world :biggrin:. We celebrate christmas, easter and other christian holidays but it is cultural, not religious thing. My family roots are completely within west and middle europe, as far as my whole family knows. Why?
Original post by Catsarepurrfect
Nope, i am from middle/western europe from the most atheistic country in the world :biggrin:. We celebrate christmas, easter and other christian holidays but it is cultural, not religious thing. My family roots are completely within west and middle europe, as far as my whole family knows. Why?

Are u OP?
Original post by Anonymous
Are u OP?

Wtf? Why am i suddenly questioned by two different Anonymous on a month old thread? Also, you know that OP has the little star near their name? Which appears no matter if they are posting as anonymous or non-anon?
Original post by Catsarepurrfect
Wtf? Why am i suddenly questioned by two different Anonymous on a month old thread? Also, you know that OP has the little star near their name? Which appears no matter if they are posting as anonymous or non-anon?

Oh i thought it didn’t appear if they were off anon- chill

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