Parents will disown me if i move out

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fatima1998
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Hi,
So i had a conversation with my dad that in my last 2 years of degree i want to move out and stay in accommodation and study then it is about 50mins of drive to my house. i used to commute to university for 2 years but in those 2 years, i hardly managed to attend my morning classes. so in the upcoming 2 years i have told my dad and he said there are people who commute from London to university in Essex (thats where i am currently) and so you near to uni so why do you want to move out and i have told him and my last 2 years are crucial and i am tired of traveling every day whereas now if i do move out the accom is 5 mins away from the university.
He then said i have, i have been in your stage when i stayed at the hostel (accom) while studying and i hardly used to focus because there was no one who could stop me if i am doing "bad" e.g. going out at night to watch movies or going partying or just having fun etc. Hostel life distracts you from studying because there is no one who can stop you when you are doing wrong. He then said you have the last 2 years so focus on your study hostel life will distract you and make you do bad stuff like going out, enjoying, and partying.
Is that true, tbh i do not have any friends at university i am an introvert so i can hardly say hi to even a female and i even said to my parents that i don't have any friends at university except one who lives in my city(my sixth form friend) but he doesn't, believe me, he was like yeah we know i have been there when i was around your age.
My main focus really is to study not to enjoy around but they don't seem to understand my point that well.

I have now today told them that i am moving to accommodation on tuesday. my mum didnt know as i only talked to my dad and he thought i am not so serious. Today i told my dad again and he told my mum and both said if you moving it will be your last day and you gotta take everything with you including your furniture. and swear on the holy book we will never let you in and they said once you leave, you are dead for us.
i dont know what to do. I have paid £2700 to accommodation and its contracted so i cant end it. i have told them i cant but they said you can we will do it. But i know they can't but they think i am making it up
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JustOneMoreThing
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Get out of there, you’ve got your ticket now get on the gravy train to a happier life.
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soma.mehmood
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Pack your bags
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fatima1998
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
Get out of there, you’ve got your ticket now get on the gravy train to a happier life.
they are like cursing me and i am legit crying like what have i done wrong. they are like you will never be a happy person.. you will never pass your exams blah blah
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by fatima1998)
they are like cursing me and i am legit crying like what have i done wrong. they are like you will never be a happy person.. you will never pass your exams blah blah
You need to remember you have a way out, you’ll move and surround yourself with healthy people, get out of there as soon as possible and don’t look back.

Contact a friend and tell them what’s happening in the meantime.
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fatima1998
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(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
You need to remember you have a way out, you’ll move and surround yourself with healthy people, get out of there as soon as possible and don’t look back.

Contact a friend and tell them what’s happening in the meantime.
they said your friends influenced you. I only have one friend and shes like she spoilt you when she didnt even know i told her later.
I dont know i am not in the right state of mind
(Original post by soma.mehmood)
Pack your bags
I wanted to but they are emotionally blackmailing saying you dad had bypass and your brother has autism. you have no sense of care towards us. you are so emotionless. we did so much for you and you are doing this. and they are like you wanted to go for your intentions. you are getting spoilt, becoming "white". If you wanna go and just tto know you have no parents no brothers no family. it hurts me like i cant even explain. tears are not stopping
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Sinnoh
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Will you be able to pay for accommodation in the final year?

If you're able to move out and live on your own then them disowning you isn't much leverage at all.
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JustOneMoreThing
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(Original post by fatima1998)
they said your friends influenced you. I only have one friend and shes like she spoilt you when she didnt even know i told her later.
I dont know i am not in the right state of mind

I wanted to but they are emotionally blackmailing saying you dad had bypass and your brother has autism. you have no sense of care towards us. you are so emotionless. we did so much for you and you are doing this. and they are like you wanted to go for your intentions. you are getting spoilt, becoming "white". If you wanna go and just tto know you have no parents no brothers no family. it hurts me like i cant even explain. tears are not stopping
None of what they said or will say is important, it’s not important.

Get out as soon as you can, when you calm down contact your friend, it’ll help you believe me.

Besides that try to focus on your future life without your toxic parents, you’ll grow and thrive, keep your eyes on the future.
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ChickenMadness
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Damn your parents are horrible.
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fatima1998
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(Original post by Sinnoh)
Will you be able to pay for accommodation in the final year?

If you're able to move out and live on your own then them disowning you isn't much leverage at all.
i have already paid and i have enough student finance to pay and i work too
(Original post by JustOneMoreThing)
None of what they said or will say is important, it’s not important.

Get out as soon as you can, when you calm down contact your friend, it’ll help you believe me.

Besides that try to focus on your future life without your toxic parents, you’ll grow and thrive, keep your eyes on the future.
i know but its like i still want my family with me supporting me but they dont.
like just a moment ago she was like you were online on WhatsApp and now just gone offline so she thought i am talking to a guy or what.
(Original post by ChickenMadness)
Damn your parents are horrible.
i just dont know what to do
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soma.mehmood
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(Original post by fatima1998)
I wanted to but they are emotionally blackmailing saying you dad had bypass and your brother has autism. you have no sense of care towards us. you are so emotionless. we did so much for you and you are doing this. and they are like you wanted to go for your intentions. you are getting spoilt, becoming "white". If you wanna go and just tto know you have no parents no brothers no family. it hurts me like i cant even explain. tears are not stopping
I know the struggle. I guess just do whatever you think will make you happy.
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ChickenMadness
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(Original post by fatima1998)
i have already paid and i have enough student finance to pay and i work too

i know but its like i still want my family with me supporting me but they dont.
like just a moment ago she was like you were online on WhatsApp and now just gone offline so she thought i am talking to a guy or what.

i just dont know what to do
I would move out. Your parents are probably bluffing. And if they aren't, you have a reallllly horrible family and would be better off without them.
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Alienated.
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Freedom is right there...go for it! Imagine yourself in 10 years time; if your parents are wishing you bad just for wanting to move out for University I doubt they'd let you move out at all. Imagine facing all that slander every time you try to make your own decision. That's no way to live, leave while you still can.
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Moana92
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Could you not agree to come home on weekends so that they can see you studying then? Some sort of compromise?
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fatima1998
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(Original post by soma.mehmood)
I know the struggle. I guess just do whatever you think will make you happy.
I dont know like i am fed up of being blamed for the things i dont do
(Original post by ChickenMadness)
I would move out. Your parents are probably bluffing. And if they aren't, you have a reallllly horrible family and would be better off without them.
i want to take the step but i also get scared. and they are full serious. i wanted their support emotionally but nothing else.
(Original post by Alienated.)
Freedom is right there...go for it! Imagine yourself in 10 years time; if your parents are wishing you bad just for wanting to move out for University I doubt they'd let you move out at all. Imagine facing all that slander every time you try to make your own decision. That's no way to live, leave while you still can.
yes they are just saying bad that this will happen to you blah blah. you will never b happy. i am trying to get some professional help
(Original post by Moana92)
Could you not agree to come home on weekends so that they can see you studying then? Some sort of compromise?
i did said i will come on weekends i'll do cleaning and stuff. they are like once you stepped out of the house everything will end there
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Alienated.
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(Original post by fatima1998)
I dont know like i am fed up of being blamed for the things i dont do

i want to take the step but i also get scared. and they are full serious. i wanted their support emotionally but nothing else.

yes they are just saying bad that this will happen to you blah blah. you will never b happy. i am trying to get some professional help

i did said i will come on weekends i'll do cleaning and stuff. they are like once you stepped out of the house everything will end there
It is scary, especially on your own but just imagine everything you could do once you've overcome the first hurdle. You're free to be you without all the constant gaslighting, manipulation and guilt. You will be much, much happier. I can assure you that.
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MotherEarth18
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Hi Fatima, it's really hard on you, but on your parents too. You live in a country where you can be independent at your age and in fact the whole purpose of going to uni is that you become independent mentally and financially and that you get a job you like in the future. Your parents think you might be doing what they see going on around and they don't like it, they forget there are lots of students who study, are independent and still have fun, which doesn't involve heavy drinking, drugs etc. But maybe your parents don't want you to become independent in the future after all. You already decided you are going and it was brave, so stick to it and tell your parents you are only going to study, which is what they should be proud of you doing. Tell them they must have faith in you and that your door stays open. Courage!
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NetNeutrality
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(Original post by fatima1998)
they said your friends influenced you. I only have one friend and shes like she spoilt you when she didnt even know i told her later.
I dont know i am not in the right state of mind

I wanted to but they are emotionally blackmailing saying you dad had bypass and your brother has autism. you have no sense of care towards us. you are so emotionless. we did so much for you and you are doing this. and they are like you wanted to go for your intentions. you are getting spoilt, becoming "white". If you wanna go and just tto know you have no parents no brothers no family. it hurts me like i cant even explain. tears are not stopping
they're saying they rely on you to help look after the family but they also dont seem to be willing to comprimise at all, and essentially telling you if you leave then you leave forever. dont buy into the blackmail, they can clearly cope fine if they're willing to kick you out just because of a hypothetical worry. it's hard but if staying at home is affecting your uni performance, it's best to get out of there even if they wont let you back in. i hope you find a solution to this
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fatima1998
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(Original post by Alienated.)
It is scary, especially on your own but just imagine everything you could do once you've overcome the first hurdle. You're free to be you without all the constant gaslighting, manipulation and guilt. You will be much, much happier. I can assure you that.
yes i need a peace of mind but at home i dont have that. i want to take this big step. My heart says do it but i am religious too and i dont want to hurt my parents thats why i wanted them to support me too but they are not i am crying like i dint know what i should do
(Original post by MotherEarth18)
Hi Fatima, it's really hard on you, but on your parents too. You live in a country where you can be independent at your age and in fact the whole purpose of going to uni is that you become independent mentally and financially and that you get a job you like in the future. Your parents think you might be doing what they see going on around and they don't like it, they forget there are lots of students who study, are independent and still have fun, which doesn't involve heavy drinking, drugs etc. But maybe your parents don't want you to become independent in the future after all. You already decided you are going and it was brave, so stick to it and tell your parents you are only going to study, which is what they should be proud of you doing. Tell them they must have faith in you and that your door stays open. Courage!
I have reassured them too but they are not willing to compromise at all. they think i have some sort of friends at uni which i do not have any because i am so shy and an introvert. they keep having these random suspicions on me which really bothers me e.g. i am with someone. even if i am online on whstapp for 1 min she'll be looking at my online satus and come in my room and be like who you talking to?!?! show me your phone :'(
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fatima1998
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Anyone know any free online help chat for mental health?
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