The difference between Arranged Marriages & Forced Marriages

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Anonymous #1
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This is to inform people who give arranged marriages so much backlash.

Arranged marriages are not forced, they literally mean that your parents (a third-party) will look for a perspective spouse for you and then you’ll go out and get to know each other, a little like a blind date. In arranged marriages your parents arrange for you to go out on a date. Things will only go ahead once you both give your CONSENT.

If it’s forced, no it’s not a ‘forced arranged marriage’. It’s a FORCED marriage.

The part below is in regards to what Islam says:
Forced marriages are haram, I accept a lot of families are influenced by culture and force their children to get married to someone they don’t want to, but that’s got nothing to do with Islam since it’s not allowed so the parent’s are sinning.
Arranged marriages are completely fine and anyway you’re supposed to have the involvement of a mehram (a family member so that’s the third party) with all this finding someone to get married to. This doesn’t mean I’m saying there’s anything wrong with love marriages as long as you keep it halal

Anyways let’s move on from the Islam bit, I have something to vent about. I don’t know why South Asians find it so shocking when someone is willingly wanting to have an arranged marriage, there’s nothing wrong with them. But they’re made fun off and then these people are like ‘who broke your heart?’ I find it so dumb
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Plain1
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If its a choice and you can back out then I don't have a problem.
Saying that people who are against arranged marriages are dumb because they get their hearts broken, is equally dumb. You can still have your heart broken in an arranged marriage. It's very naive to think arranged marriages are all fun and goodness.
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londonmyst
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My family has a long tradition of arranged marriages going back centuries, often to relatives.
Often for religious reasons, sometimes with a financial motivation or other secular reasons connected to personal convenience.
I won't go down the arranged marriage route and don't recommend that anyone else does.

But I have many friends who opted for an arranged marriage as teenagers, some without parental consent or approval.
Variety of backgrounds in terms of religion, nationality and racial heritage.
Some are happily married with children, have celebrate 6+years of marriage and have no regrets.
Others are going through bitter divorces or trapped in miserable marriages to spouses that they detest to the point that they share a home but refuse to directly interact with in any way.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Plain1)
If its a choice and you can back out then I don't have a problem.
Saying that people who are against arranged marriages are dumb because they get their hearts broken, is equally dumb. You can still have your heart broken in an arranged marriage. It's very naive to think arranged marriages are all fun and goodness.
No no I meant to say that a lot of South Asians who are agains arranged marriages think that only people who get their heart broken are the ones who go for it. Sorry the wording created a misunderstanding.

And yepp arranged marriages are your own choice
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Quick-use
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Arranged marriages don't have to be arranged by the parents. In most cultures, parents get in touch with a matchmaker to help find potential suitors. That said, many, many adults choose to consult matchmakers by themselves to help find them someone.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
My family has a long tradition of arranged marriages going back centuries, often to relatives.
Often for religious reasons, sometimes with a financial motivation or other secular reasons connected to personal convenience.
I won't go down the arranged marriage route and don't recommend that anyone else does.

But I have many friends who opted for an arranged marriage as teenagers, some without parental consent or approval.
Variety of backgrounds in terms of religion, nationality and racial heritage.
Some are happily married with children, have celebrate 6+years of marriage and have no regrets.
Others are going through bitter divorces or trapped in miserable marriages to spouses that they detest to the point that they share a home but refuse to directly interact with in any way.
I think it doesn’t matter whether it’s arranged marriage or not like some marriages will be successful and some won’t. Like I’ve seen a lot of successful and unsuccessful arranged marriages, but also similar with loved marriages.
Like everyone has their own preferences, I just hate the way some people are ignorant towards people who willingly go for arranged marriages and also the fact some people assume it’s forced
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Quick-use)
Arranged marriages don't have to be arranged by the parents. In most cultures, parents get in touch with a matchmaker to help find potential suitors.
Yepp, parents were just an example, but overall it’s the involvement of a third party whether it be parents or a matchmaker
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Alienated.
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I still don't like them. Just because you're meant to have a choice in arranged marriages doesn't mean people are always given one. Besides, marriage is a serious thing. How is a blind date meant to tell you whether or not the two getting married are compatible life companions?? It's reckless, especially when you add a child to the mix.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Plain1)
If its a choice and you can back out then I don't have a problem.
Saying that people who are against arranged marriages are dumb because they get their hearts broken, is equally dumb. You can still have your heart broken in an arranged marriage. It's very naive to think arranged marriages are all fun and goodness.
(Original post by Anonymous)
No no I meant to say that a lot of South Asians who are agains arranged marriages think that only people who get their heart broken are the ones who go for it. Sorry the wording created a misunderstanding.

And yepp arranged marriages are your own choice
That’s why I said I find it so dumb they think that way
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Plain1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No no I meant to say that a lot of South Asians who are agains arranged marriages think that only people who get their heart broken are the ones who go for it. Sorry the wording created a misunderstanding.

And yepp arranged marriages are your own choice
There's nothing wrong with it if it's what you want. I wouldn't trust my parents or a marriage broker to choose for me though.
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Quick-use
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(Original post by Alienated.)
I still don't like them. Just because you're meant to have a choice in arranged marriages doesn't mean people are always given one. Besides, marriage is a serious thing. How is a blind date meant to tell you whether or not the two getting married are compatible life companions?? It's reckless, especially when you add a child to the mix.
I think you're misunderstanding arranged marriages. At its core, the person chooses to have an arranged marriage and they also choose to accept or decline every single suitor introduced to them by their matchmaker.

If there is a lack of choice or no choice at all, then this would fall under forced marriage. There's a very large distinction.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Plain1)
There's nothing wrong with it if it's what you want. I wouldn't trust my parents or a marriage broker to choose for me though.
That’s fine because that’s your preference
Ngl I think I’d personally opt in for an arranged marriage, unless I find someone myself, never know lol
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Alienated.
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(Original post by Quick-use)
I think you're misunderstanding arranged marriages. At its core, the person chooses to have an arranged marriage and they also choose to accept or decline every single suitor introduced to them by their matchmaker.

If there is a lack of choice or no choice at all, then this would fall under forced marriage. There's a very large distinction.
Yes I know that, I'm pointing out that there is a very large amount of families that mask forced marriages as an arranged marriage. That's why I don't like them, it's all a trap.

My other point about not knowing whether or not your partner is compatible to spend your lives together with still stands.
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Alienated.)
I still don't like them. Just because you're meant to have a choice in arranged marriages doesn't mean people are always given one. Besides, marriage is a serious thing. How is a blind date meant to tell you whether or not the two getting married are compatible life companions?? It's reckless, especially when you add a child to the mix.
PRSOM.

Different people have different preferences in terms of relationships and finding a spouse.
Some arranged marriages where couples meet for the first time shortly before the marriage ceremony starts are based on astrology, faith leader recommendations or an experienced matchmaker's opinion on compatibility based on client interviews/complying with written criteria.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Alienated.)
I still don't like them. Just because you're meant to have a choice in arranged marriages doesn't mean people are always given one. Besides, marriage is a serious thing. How is a blind date meant to tell you whether or not the two getting married are compatible life companions?? It's reckless, especially when you add a child to the mix.
First of all of, if someone isn’t given a choice, it’s not longer considered an arranged marriage, it’s forced.

Also, I’ll give you an example people meet on tinder and other dating sites and then meet and get to know each other, that doesn’t mean they’re going to married the next day, like they’ll speak for a few months and then decide. Fair enough some people do actually come to a conclusion only after a few meets.

But that doesn’t decide whether the marriage is going to successful or not. You could have dated for years and have an unsuccessful marriage, it just all depends
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Alienated.)
Yes I know that, I'm pointing out that there is a very large amount of families that mask forced marriages as an arranged marriage. That's why I don't like them, it's all a trap.

My other point about not knowing whether or not your partner is compatible to spend your lives together with still stands.
Oh god don’t get me started about that lol, you’re correct on that, I know a family who masked a forced marriage as an arranged marriage, now they’re divorced. But that doesn’t mean arranged marriages are bad like once you understand that they aren’t forced, you’ll know that if someone was forced to get married despite it being masked as an arranged marriage, it was a forced marriage
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Alienated.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
First of all of, if someone isn’t given a choice, it’s not longer considered an arranged marriage, it’s forced.

Also, I’ll give you an example people meet on tinder and other dating sites and then meet and get to know each other, that doesn’t mean they’re going to married the next day, like they’ll speak for a few months and then decide. Fair enough some people do actually come to a conclusion only after a few meets.

But that doesn’t decide whether the marriage is going to successful or not. You could have dated for years and have an unsuccessful marriage, it just all depends
Read my other post.

If someone was to meet on tinder and then after a couple of months they decide to get married that is not an arranged marriage. An arranged marriage is when someone else finds a partner for you to marry, once you've found one and you've said yes, you get married. How are you supposed to know if they are the one for you? It just seems to me that people are throwing themselves in marriages when there is a lot of responsibilities that go along with it.
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Alienated.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Oh god don’t get me started about that lol, you’re correct on that, I know a family who masked a forced marriage as an arranged marriage, now they’re divorced. But that doesn’t mean arranged marriages are bad like once you understand that they aren’t forced, you’ll know that if someone was forced to get married despite it being masked as an arranged marriage, it was a forced marriage
If an arranged marriage turns out great, fair play but I don't like it because of the sheer amount of issues it has caused under it's name.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Alienated.)
Read my other post.

If someone was to meet on tinder and then after a couple of months they decide to get married that is not an arranged marriage. An arranged marriage is when someone else finds a partner for you to marry, once you've found one and you've said yes, you get married. How are you supposed to know if they are the one for you? It just seems to me that people are throwing themselves in marriages when there is a lot of responsibilities that go along with it.
I did and I’ve replied to.

And arranged marriages is where someone finds a perspective spouse for you and you 2 get to know each other and then if you both say yes then it continues to them getting marriage. If they say no, then they look for someone else. And idk how people know lol, the same could be said with dating.

And fair enough if they met on tinder and then married after a couple of months that won’t be an arranged marriage. But my point was the involvement of a 3rd party like your family ask you about the type of you’re looking for, etc and then they find perspective spouses for you
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Quick-use
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(Original post by Alienated.)
Yes I know that, I'm pointing out that there is a very large amount of families that mask forced marriages as an arranged marriage. That's why I don't like them, it's all a trap.

My other point about not knowing whether or not your partner is compatible to spend your lives together with still stands.
1) What you're talking about is forced marriage. Yes, forced marriage is reprehensible but should not be confused with arranged marriage.

2) That's personal preference. :fluffy: I completely understand why you wouldn't opt for an arranged marriage, but I always advocate giving people the freedom to do as they wish.
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