Worried I’m not doing well

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I posted before about this but I just get a bit down that I’m not doing as well as others my age and I have also turned 20 since posting that. I know my situation is not the worst but I feel like I need to change urgently. I just worry sometimes worry that it might be late to change. I don’t have the money to move out, Im currently saving up for a car for when I pass my test, I feel like I should have a car buy now since I’m an adult . I feel like shouldn’t be at college at this as well for my age, I don’t feel confident about it , I feel like should be working full time like every other adult and I should have my own house or at least flat with a girlfriend. I go to college and have a small job which Id rather not say but it’s not enough to get me house. I know a woman who had a kid at 19. I just compare myself to so many other people and I shouldn’t but I just do it and I want to stop.

There are days when I feel confident about myself but other times I just stop and start comparing myself to people. I just get down all the time about it when I do compare myself to people. I was talking to my uncle and he told me that he did move out till he was in his 30s so that kind of made me feel better but than my auntie moved out at 19, my parents also moved out and got married when my mum was 17. I think I do well compared to my friends because some of them haven’t had a single driving lesson but I have and I’m pretty much on the way to passing my test. It’s just I still get down about if I’m doing alright or not it happens quite often like now I’m going through that phrase.
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Anonymous #2
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Hi,
It’s okay to feel like that sometimes don’t worry. But I would advise you not to compare yourself to anyone (like you said) whatsoever- everyone has their own journeys and we all travel at different paces. You might not be where you want to right now but as long as you get there it’s fine.
Try and take some time out for yourself during the day and do what you love, it will really help with confidence and you’ll feel good about yourself too! Also, write down all your insecurities and set goals to improve them- you said you want to move out and pass driving test. Try and do online jobs (like surveys and stuff) to get extra income. It might not be much but at least it’s something.
But at the end of the day, try and remain positive throughout (I know it’s easier said than done).
Try and save up more if you can. Living with your family means you can save up more so try and do the best you can now.
I’m sorry if this wasn’t very helpful but anyhoo, I hope this made a little difference☺️
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi,
It’s okay to feel like that sometimes don’t worry. But I would advise you not to compare yourself to anyone (like you said) whatsoever- everyone has their own journeys and we all travel at different paces. You might not be where you want to right now but as long as you get there it’s fine.
Try and take some time out for yourself during the day and do what you love, it will really help with confidence and you’ll feel good about yourself too! Also, write down all your insecurities and set goals to improve them- you said you want to move out and pass driving test. Try and do online jobs (like surveys and stuff) to get extra income. It might not be much but at least it’s something.
But at the end of the day, try and remain positive throughout (I know it’s easier said than done).
Try and save up more if you can. Living with your family means you can save up more so try and do the best you can now.
I’m sorry if this wasn’t very helpful but anyhoo, I hope this made a little difference☺️
Cheers
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cherry7girl
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#4
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hey, i just wanted to say that earlier this year i felt this so much but then i realised that everyone is at a different stages in their lives even at the same age as you. i know people who have moved into flats at 18 and are getting married (big fat mistake if you ask me) and i know other people who are still doing their a-levels at 20. the ages of 18-21 are funny because the range of 'stages' people are at vary so much. my advice to you is to stop comparing yourself to other people and stop worrying about not having done certain things that other people you know have done. no one actually cares that a 20-year-old has a car or has moved out or has a job etc. do what makes you happy and enjoy being young and not having a lot of responsibilities that you'll, unfortunately, have to have when you're older. 20 is extremely young still, and it's COMPLETELY normal to not have anything sorted out properly yet or to still be at home studying ffs, i promise you it's normal. stop worrying and enjoy your life i also want to add that the pressure you're putting on yourself is unfair, you are doing just fine as you are. i know 20 year olds who have NO idea what to do, who aren't even studying and what do i think of them? i think they will be absolutely fine! there is no use rushing, what matters most is that you're taking care of yourself and doing what you enjoy.
Last edited by cherry7girl; 1 month ago
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Emily_B
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#5
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I posted before about this but I just get a bit down that I’m not doing as well as others my age and I have also turned 20 since posting that. I know my situation is not the worst but I feel like I need to change urgently. I just worry sometimes worry that it might be late to change. I don’t have the money to move out, Im currently saving up for a car for when I pass my test, I feel like I should have a car buy now since I’m an adult . I feel like shouldn’t be at college at this as well for my age, I don’t feel confident about it , I feel like should be working full time like every other adult and I should have my own house or at least flat with a girlfriend. I go to college and have a small job which Id rather not say but it’s not enough to get me house. I know a woman who had a kid at 19. I just compare myself to so many other people and I shouldn’t but I just do it and I want to stop.

There are days when I feel confident about myself but other times I just stop and start comparing myself to people. I just get down all the time about it when I do compare myself to people. I was talking to my uncle and he told me that he did move out till he was in his 30s so that kind of made me feel better but than my auntie moved out at 19, my parents also moved out and got married when my mum was 17. I think I do well compared to my friends because some of them haven’t had a single driving lesson but I have and I’m pretty much on the way to passing my test. It’s just I still get down about if I’m doing alright or not it happens quite often like now I’m going through that phrase.
I'm 30 and I only got round to buying a car last month. It's my Mum's old car at that. I only got round to buying a house earlier this year and was renting for the previous just over 10 years. I went to uni at 18, did the degree and then went back at 25 to do something totally unrelated... oh and I don't have any kids yet. It's fine. You're at college, surely that's a way of bettering yourself? Having some sort of employment, especially in this currently climate, is great.
Yes, there's the notion of "I should be doing abcxyz by now"... but not everyone's the same.
It's easy to get worried about what you "should" be doing, but to me, it seems like you're doing just fine at life.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Emily_B)
I'm 30 and I only got round to buying a car last month. It's my Mum's old car at that. I only got round to buying a house earlier this year and was renting for the previous just over 10 years. I went to uni at 18, did the degree and then went back at 25 to do something totally unrelated... oh and I don't have any kids yet. It's fine. You're at college, surely that's a way of bettering yourself? Having some sort of employment, especially in this currently climate, is great.
Yes, there's the notion of "I should be doing abcxyz by now"... but not everyone's the same.
It's easy to get worried about what you "should" be doing, but to me, it seems like you're doing just fine at life.
Cheers for helping, when did you pass your drivers test?
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by onedance1)
hey, i just wanted to say that earlier this year i felt this so much but then i realised that everyone is at a different stages in their lives even at the same age as you. i know people who have moved into flats at 18 and are getting married (big fat mistake if you ask me) and i know other people who are still doing their a-levels at 20. the ages of 18-21 are funny because the range of 'stages' people are at vary so much. my advice to you is to stop comparing yourself to other people and stop worrying about not having done certain things that other people you know have done. no one actually cares that a 20-year-old has a car or has moved out or has a job etc. do what makes you happy and enjoy being young and not having a lot of responsibilities that you'll, unfortunately, have to have when you're older. 20 is extremely young still, and it's COMPLETELY normal to not have anything sorted out properly yet or to still be at home studying ffs, i promise you it's normal. stop worrying and enjoy your life i also want to add that the pressure you're putting on yourself is unfair, you are doing just fine as you are. i know 20 year olds who have NO idea what to do, who aren't even studying and what do i think of them? i think they will be absolutely fine! there is no use rushing, what matters most is that you're taking care of yourself and doing what you enjoy.
Cheers
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Emily_B
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#8
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Cheers for helping, when did you pass your drivers test?
At 18. It was just a mix of couldn't afford/didn't need a car til this year - I live a 20 min walk from work & the public transport round where I live is reasonable. Being able to afford the car now just makes a few things a tad easier.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Emily_B)
At 18. It was just a mix of couldn't afford/didn't need a car til this year - I live a 20 min walk from work & the public transport round where I live is reasonable. Being able to afford the car now just makes a few things a tad easier.
Yep exactly
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Tw1x
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#10
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Seriously dont compare yourself to others, even what they put on social media is not necessarily a true portrayal of their life. Im nearly 30, i moved out at 20, Ive been homeless and I barely earn above minimim wage. I was on better money at 19.

Im self studying at the moment by myself to go to uni eventually, i have no children, a broken relationship, I dont drive and I have to house share with someone else. Does life suck right now? Yes definitely. But just think you can either feel sorry and still be at the same point in 10 years or you could try improve things and be in a better spot in 10 years.
Believe me as someone who spent a lot of years crying and hating myself and my life, it doesnt matter that it is unfair some people have landed on their feet, unless you are proactove things don't change. 10 years goes way faster than you will think
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