line with abuse

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Where do you draw the line with abuse? It seems like everyone who knows me calls my husband abusive. He shouts at me a lot (to the point it makes me cry), he expects me to do all the cooking and house cleaning (despite me working more hours than him). We have a cat who has been unwell recently so he woke me up and got me out of bed at 1am (when he was playing playstation) to clean up the cat vomit. I had work the next day.I'm 32, we have no children although I wish I could have had some - I know with his anger problem he'd make a bad father. I just feel lost. I don't know if what the does is abusive just my mum, my best friend and my psychologist keep trying to tell me it is. But I don't know what I would do without him. I live in a different country to my family and am isolated here. Any advice? https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/frown.png
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Anonymous #1
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:tumble:

Does anyone have experience at this please?
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izyz
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:tumble:

Does anyone have experience at this please?
Damn that's a sticky situation.

I can related somewhat with with being with an 'abusive' (somewhat) partner. Really if he gets to the point where he makes you cry, without comforting you or apologising after, that is a sign that things will only get worse.

Especially since you WANT to have kids, an environment like that isn't appropriate at all.

I'm not sure what you're exactly feeling, but sometimes in a relationship like that you can let your feelings get infront of the abuse you put up with.

Listen to the people around you. Your mum only wants the bet for you she wouldn't lie.

The problem you have is that you still have feelings for him and that really can tear you apart.

Bottom line, if you don't want this to continue or escalate & want to have kids. You two should end it. Please don't let yourself suffer.

Take it slow and be careful
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by izyz)
Damn that's a sticky situation.

I can related somewhat with with being with an 'abusive' (somewhat) partner. Really if he gets to the point where he makes you cry, without comforting you or apologising after, that is a sign that things will only get worse.

Especially since you WANT to have kids, an environment like that isn't appropriate at all.

I'm not sure what you're exactly feeling, but sometimes in a relationship like that you can let your feelings get infront of the abuse you put up with.

Listen to the people around you. Your mum only wants the bet for you she wouldn't lie.

The problem you have is that you still have feelings for him and that really can tear you apart.

Bottom line, if you don't want this to continue or escalate & want to have kids. You two should end it. Please don't let yourself suffer.

Take it slow and be careful
He doesn't apologise or comfort me after shouting. He'll leave me to cry myself out then tell me he "wasn't shouting, just raising [his] voice" and that I'm being too sensitive.

I didn't mention that I still have feelings for him, but I definitely do, you are correct. That's what makes this so hard, I love him but he hurts me so much. I don't know if I can leave him even though everyone around me is telling me to.

I think I missed my chance to have kids now after spending 14 years with my husband. I'd have to court someone, fall in love, marry, wait a bit, then have kids and at 32 that's really pushing it. I know it's probably stupid but sometimes I think maybe things would improve if I had a kid now anyway?
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caravaggio2
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Why on earth would you stay with him. He sounds like an irredeemable bullying prick.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by caravaggio2)
Why on earth would you stay with him. He sounds like an irredeemable bullying prick.
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I still love him and don't really feel I'd ever find anyone "better".

I mean, he's never hit me so it's not physical abuse.
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caravaggio2
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"I mean, he's never hit me so it's not physical abuse."
That's a pretty low bar for a decent partner you have set there.
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SmartUnicorn
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I still love him and don't really feel I'd ever find anyone "better".

I mean, he's never hit me so it's not physical abuse.
There’s 8 billion people on this world, you’re going to find someone else, plus 32 is still pretty young, it’s not like you’re 50 or anything. Also a lot of people think bringing a child into the relationship will miraculously ‘change’ their partner for the better but this is very unlikely, he seems like a lazy, childish gas lighter who takes advantage of you not speaking up to him. He treats you like this because he knows you don’t have the guts to leave him. And he will continue to treat you worse. For you to say it’s not physical, how do you know it won’t get physical? The bar is in hell.

Would you rather have a broken heart for a while which will heal with time and regain love for someone else and be happy or would you rather slowly tear yourself apart mentally by staying with him, childless and constantly feeling abused, never truly happy?

This relationship is very toxic, just leave, one way or another things will work out and you’ll be okay. Don’t overthink what you’re doing. You can either keep posting here and endure the abuse because you love him or you can leave and have a better life. Your pick.

Good luck <3333333333
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