Don’t feel sexy enough for boyfriend - anyone else

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Anonymous #1
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I’m starting to feel so rubbish about it, like I already feel like I don’t quite have a curvy enough body but my boyfriend in the whole relationship has hinted at me wearing like bodysuits and suspenders ect. And this morning sent me a Tik tok of a girl in a ‘slutty’ Halloween outfit that had the caption “dress up for your boyfriend this Halloween”. He never pressured me to wear anything intentionally but unintentionally he’s making me feel pressured and I just feel so bad that I just stick to my normal underwear anyone else ever experienced this ?
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username3842778
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m starting to feel so rubbish about it, like I already feel like I don’t quite have a curvy enough body but my boyfriend in the whole relationship has hinted at me wearing like bodysuits and suspenders ect. And this morning sent me a Tik tok of a girl in a ‘slutty’ Halloween outfit that had the caption “dress up for your boyfriend this Halloween”. He never pressured me to wear anything intentionally but unintentionally he’s making me feel pressured and I just feel so bad that I just stick to my normal underwear anyone else ever experienced this ?
Probably best to talk to him about the clothing side. If you dont want to wear anything like that then dont. He could be sending it as a joke but I cant tell. If you want to then just start small, maybe wear something slightly fancier like a bit of lace or a one piece lingerie but again it is your decision.
In terms of not feeling sexy enough and not being as confident in your body, I get it. Im getting married and still I feel like Im not good enough for my fiance because I had gained some weight a while ago (from comfort eating due to poor mental health) which im now trying to lose. If you feel okay to then speak to him about it and how you truly feel. I spoke to my partner and he was very supportive to me.
Its mainly a thing of communication, try speaking to him about everything and if and when youre ready then you choose when to wear something new. I hope this helps.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rain Thorn)
Probably best to talk to him about the clothing side. If you dont want to wear anything like that then dont. He could be sending it as a joke but I cant tell. If you want to then just start small, maybe wear something slightly fancier like a bit of lace or a one piece lingerie but again it is your decision.
In terms of not feeling sexy enough and not being as confident in your body, I get it. Im getting married and still I feel like Im not good enough for my fiance because I had gained some weight a while ago (from comfort eating due to poor mental health) which im now trying to lose. If you feel okay to then speak to him about it and how you truly feel. I spoke to my partner and he was very supportive to me.
Its mainly a thing of communication, try speaking to him about everything and if and when youre ready then you choose when to wear something new. I hope this helps.
I replied to the video he sent just saying that I don’t have the body for that (as she was curvy) but I’m only 18 and I know that’s normally the age people wear things like that but I just feel so young to be dressing like such an adult. Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you weren’t doing so good, i hope your getting better congratulations on getting married also! Yeah I guess I could speak to him about it but I can never have a serious conversation with him he just says what he thinks I want to hear or won’t listen
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m starting to feel so rubbish about it, like I already feel like I don’t quite have a curvy enough body but my boyfriend in the whole relationship has hinted at me wearing like bodysuits and suspenders ect. And this morning sent me a Tik tok of a girl in a ‘slutty’ Halloween outfit that had the caption “dress up for your boyfriend this Halloween”. He never pressured me to wear anything intentionally but unintentionally he’s making me feel pressured and I just feel so bad that I just stick to my normal underwear anyone else ever experienced this ?
hahahhahahhaha
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username3842778
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I replied to the video he sent just saying that I don’t have the body for that (as she was curvy) but I’m only 18 and I know that’s normally the age people wear things like that but I just feel so young to be dressing like such an adult. Oh I’m so sorry to hear that you weren’t doing so good, i hope your getting better congratulations on getting married also! Yeah I guess I could speak to him about it but I can never have a serious conversation with him he just says what he thinks I want to hear or won’t listen
I get that aha I'm almost 20 and I dont feel like an adult lol. Im doing better and thank you!
I think you really need to push him for a serious conversation, and if he doesnt reciprocate then I'm not sure what to suggest. Its important to communicate and be comfortable to talk about anything big and small and he needs to listen to you and understand your worries seriously
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hahahhahahhaha
Something funny
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Rain Thorn)
I get that aha I'm almost 20 and I dont feel like an adult lol. Im doing better and thank you!
I think you really need to push him for a serious conversation, and if he doesnt reciprocate then I'm not sure what to suggest. Its important to communicate and be comfortable to talk about anything big and small and he needs to listen to you and understand your worries seriously
Hahah. Yeah your right, I’ll try speak to him. Like it’s not like I’m having boring sex with him because I’m not it’s just I don’t really feel the need to where all those outfits. I get why he wants too as I do think they can look nice but it’s just not me.
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daisyr03
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m starting to feel so rubbish about it, like I already feel like I don’t quite have a curvy enough body but my boyfriend in the whole relationship has hinted at me wearing like bodysuits and suspenders ect. And this morning sent me a Tik tok of a girl in a ‘slutty’ Halloween outfit that had the caption “dress up for your boyfriend this Halloween”. He never pressured me to wear anything intentionally but unintentionally he’s making me feel pressured and I just feel so bad that I just stick to my normal underwear anyone else ever experienced this ?
The most important thing is feeling comfortable, and finding what makes YOU feel good rather than doing it to impress someone else. If he doesn't accept you as you are he doesn't deserve you
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pancakesbob7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m starting to feel so rubbish about it, like I already feel like I don’t quite have a curvy enough body but my boyfriend in the whole relationship has hinted at me wearing like bodysuits and suspenders ect. And this morning sent me a Tik tok of a girl in a ‘slutty’ Halloween outfit that had the caption “dress up for your boyfriend this Halloween”. He never pressured me to wear anything intentionally but unintentionally he’s making me feel pressured and I just feel so bad that I just stick to my normal underwear anyone else ever experienced this ?
Talk to him directly. He can't read minds so he has no clue that you're feeling pressured. I'm sure he'll understand. Don't compare yourself to this girl on TikTok - if you think he's comparing you to this girl, believe me he's not - he just wants you to dress up.

My boyfriend sometimes does this to me about things that I've wanted to do before but haven't had the confidence to do (e.g. makeup), or just random fashion styles he'd like to see me wear. He even considered buying me a hair curler for xmas just to see me with curly hair as a one off (would be a waste of money as I don't want to damage my hair). Tbh I don't exactly have a model's body - I have v small boobs, barely any curves. If I he wants me to wear something that I don't want to, I literally just tell him no, and that I don't want to wear that type of stuff and he stops mentioning it.

It's not that you're not sexy enough as you are, it's just that it could potentially enhance the whole experience. It's normal to not feel good enough at first, but you have to remember that he's asking you to dress up, not anyone else. He's asking you to dress up because he thinks you'll look sexier than you already are.

The confidence has to come from within you - I learnt to not care about what bf wants me to wear. I first bought thongs for me, not for him - it makes me feel somewhat empowered and confident because I'm the only one who knows that I'm wearing it. Confidence makes you more sexy rather than lacy underwear.

Hopefully this all made sense...good luck!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by daisyr03)
The most important thing is feeling comfortable, and finding what makes YOU feel good rather than doing it to impress someone else. If he doesn't accept you as you are he doesn't deserve you
Thank u so much for ur help!!!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pancakesbob7)
Talk to him directly. He can't read minds so he has no clue that you're feeling pressured. I'm sure he'll understand. Don't compare yourself to this girl on TikTok - if you think he's comparing you to this girl, believe me he's not - he just wants you to dress up.

My boyfriend sometimes does this to me about things that I've wanted to do before but haven't had the confidence to do (e.g. makeup), or just random fashion styles he'd like to see me wear. He even considered buying me a hair curler for xmas just to see me with curly hair as a one off (would be a waste of money as I don't want to damage my hair). Tbh I don't exactly have a model's body - I have v small boobs, barely any curves. If I he wants me to wear something that I don't want to, I literally just tell him no, and that I don't want to wear that type of stuff and he stops mentioning it.

It's not that you're not sexy enough as you are, it's just that it could potentially enhance the whole experience. It's normal to not feel good enough at first, but you have to remember that he's asking you to dress up, not anyone else. He's asking you to dress up because he thinks you'll look sexier than you already are.

The confidence has to come from within you - I learnt to not care about what bf wants me to wear. I first bought thongs for me, not for him - it makes me feel somewhat empowered and confident because I'm the only one who knows that I'm wearing it. Confidence makes you more sexy rather than lacy underwear.

Hopefully this all made sense...good luck!
I’m not sure how to bring it up to him, I’ve said things like oh I don’t have the body to pull that off ect but I’ve not really said anything else. And yeah completely agree with u, what he’s saying to me his harmless and I know he doesn’t mean to be nasty and I get why it would make things better I think girls dressing up makes them look so pretty!! It’s just not me but I keep seeing all these sexy girls and that’s just not me and I kind of feel like I’m failing as a women (I’m only 18 but you know what I mean)
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ashtolga23
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I feel this on a spiritual level, however because my boyfriend knows a lot about this feeling he tends to be pretty understanding and sensitive. I think perhaps if you're more open with your partner about how you feel, the problem can be a lot easier to manage and cope with.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
I feel this on a spiritual level, however because my boyfriend knows a lot about this feeling he tends to be pretty understanding and sensitive. I think perhaps if you're more open with your partner about how you feel, the problem can be a lot easier to manage and cope with.
Glad someone else relates! Yeah a lot of people have said to speak to him so I think I will, I guess I just thought it would be a silly thing to bring up
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Anonymous #3
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Same I’m so sexually unattractive and ugly lol
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ashtolga23
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Glad someone else relates! Yeah a lot of people have said to speak to him so I think I will, I guess I just thought it would be a silly thing to bring up
Personally I'd say any good boyfriend will value your concerns and validate how you feel, even if it takes him a while to fully understand it.
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pancakesbob7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m not sure how to bring it up to him, I’ve said things like oh I don’t have the body to pull that off ect but I’ve not really said anything else. And yeah completely agree with u, what he’s saying to me his harmless and I know he doesn’t mean to be nasty and I get why it would make things better I think girls dressing up makes them look so pretty!! It’s just not me but I keep seeing all these sexy girls and that’s just not me and I kind of feel like I’m failing as a women (I’m only 18 but you know what I mean)
You don't have to quote me directly, but maybe say something like: "I understand that you want me to dress up, but as of now I don't feel comfortable with doing it. I know you didn't mean to be nasty, but when you keep suggesting for me to dress up that makes me really uncomfortable. "

Have you ever considered dressing up? Is it just the confidence which is holding you back and in reality you do want to dress up? If so, maybe add on something like "The reason why I don't want you to bring this sort of thing up is not that I don't want to dress up for you, it's just a self-confidence thing I'm working on. It may take some time, but I'll bring this topic up again when I'm ready".

Good luck! Keep us updated with how it goes
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Same I’m so sexually unattractive and ugly lol
Oh I doubt it! But same ahaha
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
Personally I'd say any good boyfriend will value your concerns and validate how you feel, even if it takes him a while to fully understand it.
Yeah I suppose so, I mean I completely get why he wants me too and he doesn’t intentionally force me too but it just makes me feel like such a failure as a girlfriend/women
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pancakesbob7)
You don't have to quote me directly, but maybe say something like: "I understand that you want me to dress up, but as of now I don't feel comfortable with doing it. I know you didn't mean to be nasty, but when you keep suggesting for me to dress up that makes me really uncomfortable. "

Have you ever considered dressing up? Is it just the confidence which is holding you back and in reality you do want to dress up? If so, maybe add on something like "The reason why I don't want you to bring this sort of thing up is not that I don't want to dress up for you, it's just a self-confidence thing I'm working on. It may take some time, but I'll bring this topic up again when I'm ready".

Good luck! Keep us updated with how it goes
That’s a really good way of wording it thank you so much!!

Tbh part of it is self confidence because I only have c cup boobs and I don’t have much of a bum, I’m also only 4’11 so I just think it would make me look so silly. But also I’m only 18 so I still live with my parents and I’m very close to them and always show them my packages (not because their controlling I just like to show them what I’ve bought) and I’m not that keen for them to see an outfit like that. I mean I know they would be understanding but it would just make me feel so uncomfortable! So it’s kind of a mix of the two
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pancakesbob7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s a really good way of wording it thank you so much!!

Tbh part of it is self confidence because I only have c cup boobs and I don’t have much of a bum, I’m also only 4’11 so I just think it would make me look so silly. But also I’m only 18 so I still live with my parents and I’m very close to them and always show them my packages (not because their controlling I just like to show them what I’ve bought) and I’m not that keen for them to see an outfit like that. I mean I know they would be understanding but it would just make me feel so uncomfortable! So it’s kind of a mix of the two
....I'm size A cup LOL!!! I'm at the point where I don't care about my boob size - I don't understand why so many people think the bigger the better. They're all equally nice! Maybe just stop showing them what you bought?
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