was I sexually assaulted by my boyfriend

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pixiedust2468
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we were in the middle of having sex in my room and I thought my mum was coming so I told him to stop and he didn’t . And this isn’t the first time it’s happened I’ve told him to stop because and he wouldn’t listen. Back then I thought we needed a safe word because he wouldn’t understand what I meant by stop. I remember feeling scared at the moment and I’ve learnt to forget about it but recently the memory came back.
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Anonymous #1
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This is definitely assault. If you told him to stop but he didn't. That means he was doing something against your will. The person is not to be trusted and he should have respected your 'No'. Remember it's not your fault. Hope you are okay. And if you are getting flashbacks, that's one of the symptoms of PTSD. Have you spoken to anyone? I would suggest speaking to the police.
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username3842778
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(Original post by pixiedust2468)
we were in the middle of having sex in my room and I thought my mum was coming so I told him to stop and he didn’t . And this isn’t the first time it’s happened I’ve told him to stop because and he wouldn’t listen. Back then I thought we needed a safe word because he wouldn’t understand what I meant by stop. I remember feeling scared at the moment and I’ve learnt to forget about it but recently the memory came back.
Im really sorry this happened. If hes not respecting when you say No or Stop then that is assault. Please please please tell someone. At least your parents but the police preferably.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by pixiedust2468)
we were in the middle of having sex in my room and I thought my mum was coming so I told him to stop and he didn’t . And this isn’t the first time it’s happened I’ve told him to stop because and he wouldn’t listen. Back then I thought we needed a safe word because he wouldn’t understand what I meant by stop. I remember feeling scared at the moment and I’ve learnt to forget about it but recently the memory came back.
You don't need a safe word. Don't allow him to get away with moving ahead against your will. Stop is a clear message and if he does not understand it, then he should seek help. Speak with him and tell him how you feel. Good luck.
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is definitely assault. If you told him to stop but he didn't. That means he was doing something against your will. The person is not to be trusted and he should have respected your 'No'. Remember it's not your fault. Hope you are okay. And if you are getting flashbacks, that's one of the symptoms of PTSD. Have you spoken to anyone? I would suggest speaking to the police.
I’m in disbelief, it feels like my brain isn’t accepting what happened to me and I only realised it was sexual assault when I told my friend. I’d don’t want the police involved because it’s too much for me to handle mentally.
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by Wired_1800)
You don't need a safe word. Don't allow him to get away with moving ahead against your will. Stop is a clear message and if he does not understand it, then he should seek help. Speak with him and tell him how you feel. Good luck.
I will do thank you <3
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by Rain Thorn)
Im really sorry this happened. If hes not respecting when you say No or Stop then that is assault. Please please please tell someone. At least your parents but the police preferably.
I don’t want the police involved because it’s too over whelming
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tashkent46
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Yes it sounds like assault.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by pixiedust2468)
I’m in disbelief, it feels like my brain isn’t accepting what happened to me and I only realised it was sexual assault when I told my friend. I’d don’t want the police involved because it’s too much for me to handle mentally.
But this is the thing, you definitely have to tell the police because what he did is against the law. It's not right and he could harm others and even harm you again. That's the reality of it. If you don't involve the police now then the person can come at you in the future again. It could worsen the situation. Take care and make sure the police knows. Also, it would be great to keep some proof if you have any. If not it's fine. But I feel telling the police will definitely make you feel better. Will give you relief that you did the right thing and it will also scare the perpetrator. This person is not your boyfriend. They need to be behind bars.
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tashkent46
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But this is the thing, you definitely have to tell the police because what he did is against the law. It's not right and he could harm others and even harm you again. That's the reality of it. If you don't involve the police now then the person can come at you in the future again. It could worsen the situation. Take care and make sure the police knows. Also, it would be great to keep some proof if you have any. If not it's fine. But I feel telling the police will definitely make you feel better. Will give you relief that you did the right thing and it will also scare the perpetrator. This person is not your boyfriend. They need to be behind bars.
She does not HAVE to tell the police. She should do but she has been through enough and does not need other people telling her what she should be doing. OP this is your decision. Like this person says he may do it to someone else but ultimately it is up to you, if you feel like the police and a trial would be worse for you than that is your decision and that is fine. I would recommend getting some counselling though if it intrudes on your life.
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pepsimaxcherry
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You do not have to tell the police if you choose not to.

Speak to your boyfriend. Explain that what he did was not ok and that it is sexual assault. If he refuses to accept it or tries to blame you, I would get someone else involved, whether that’s your parents or the police.

What he did was extremely wrong and you shouldn’t stand for it. Call him out on his actions, explain how you feel.

Best of luck and I hope you’re doing okay ❤️
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LovelyMrFox
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Stop means stop. Im sorry to hear this happened to you OP.
It sounds like it might be beneficial for you to speak to a professional or counselor about it.

(Original post by Anonymous)
But this is the thing, you definitely have to tell the police because what he did is against the law. It's not right and he could harm others and even harm you again. That's the reality of it. If you don't involve the police now then the person can come at you in the future again. It could worsen the situation. Take care and make sure the police knows. Also, it would be great to keep some proof if you have any. If not it's fine. But I feel telling the police will definitely make you feel better. Will give you relief that you did the right thing and it will also scare the perpetrator. This person is not your boyfriend. They need to be behind bars.
Things like this is up to the person, not you. Dont tell them what they 'have to do'. Its not as easy as you make it seem.
Last edited by LovelyMrFox; 4 weeks ago
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by tashkent46)
She does not HAVE to tell the police. She should do but she has been through enough and does not need other people telling her what she should be doing. OP this is your decision. Like this person says he may do it to someone else but ultimately it is up to you, if you feel like the police and a trial would be worse for you than that is your decision and that is fine. I would recommend getting some counselling though if it intrudes on your life.
Thank you, I’ve just started university and everything is still fresh. And I will do .
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Stop means stop. Im sorry to hear this happened to you OP.
It sounds like it might be beneficial for you to speak to a professional or counselor about it.



Things like this is up to the person, not you. Dont tell them what they 'have to do'. Its not as easy as you make it seem.
Thank you it’s not easy I haven’t even told my mum. I’m just too ashamed and scared
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by tashkent46)
She does not HAVE to tell the police. She should do but she has been through enough and does not need other people telling her what she should be doing. OP this is your decision. Like this person says he may do it to someone else but ultimately it is up to you, if you feel like the police and a trial would be worse for you than that is your decision and that is fine. I would recommend getting some counselling though if it intrudes on your life.
I was not telling her what to do. I said that this is what is meant to be done. Later there could be regrets. Of course counselling is a must. But if you want peace of mind, taking action against what happened to you will give you actual peace of mind. Remaining a victim and feeling helpless is not going to suffice. A trial might/might not happen depending on the situation. Simply starting by giving a statement is enough. It means you did the right thing. And that you are not defined by the situation itself. you no longer feel like a victim. You did something by taking action so you flipped the script and became a hero.
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tashkent46
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I was not telling her what to do. I said that this is what is meant to be done. Later there could be regrets. Of course counselling is a must. But if you want peace of mind, taking action against what happened to you will give you actual peace of mind. Remaining a victim and feeling helpless is not going to suffice. A trial might/might not happen depending on the situation. Simply starting by giving a statement is enough. It means you did the right thing. And that you are not defined by the situation itself. you no longer feel like a victim. You did something by taking action so you flipped the script and became a hero.
Ok I understand that but the complexity of real life means prosecution in these cases is difficult. More to the point it is a lengthy and stressful process for the victim. Flipping the script is not easy, and even if you do succeed that does not mean you will feel better about your situation. Not everyone has a need for justice. This man should be in jail, he has done a bad thing and may continue to do bad things, but it is not up to us to tell the victim what choice to make. It is up to her to decide if she wants to press charges.
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LovelyMrFox
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(Original post by pixiedust2468)
Thank you it’s not easy I haven’t even told my mum. I’m just too ashamed and scared
Sometimes speaking to a counselor can be easier than speaking to a family member. Of course its still not easy, but it helps.
Ignore the anonymous. Dont feel pressured to do anything you dont want to.
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by LovelyMrFox)
Sometimes speaking to a counselor can be easier than speaking to a family member. Of course its still not easy, but it helps.
Ignore the anonymous. Dont feel pressured to do anything you dont want to.
thank you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by tashkent46)
Ok I understand that but the complexity of real life means prosecution in these cases is difficult. More to the point it is a lengthy and stressful process for the victim. Flipping the script is not easy, and even if you do succeed that does not mean you will feel better about your situation. Not everyone has a need for justice. This man should be in jail, he has done a bad thing and may continue to do bad things, but it is not up to us to tell the victim what choice to make. It is up to her to decide if she wants to press charges.
Of course it's not upto us and I agree with that. Whether you succeeded or not in sending him to jail does not matter, simply giving a statement is bravery and success in itself. I was simply trying to give a suggestion otherwise there can be future regrets. I am not trying to control anyone's actions. Simply trying to be a positive influence.
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pixiedust2468
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Of course it's not upto us and I agree with that. Whether you succeeded or not in sending him to jail does not matter, simply giving a statement is bravery and success in itself. I was simply trying to give a suggestion otherwise there can be future regrets. I am not trying to control anyone's actions. Simply trying to be a positive influence.
i understand thank you for your advice. Once I’ve started counselling I’ll make a discussion.
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