how to make friends in sixth form??

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Anonymous #1
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i’ve recently started feeling like i’ve wasted my childhood as i don’t have any memories with close friends like everyone else seems to do, and i’ve never really been close to anyone aside from my mum, who has said that she’s experienced the same thing as me, for as long as i can remember.
i moved to the school that i’m at now in year 10 and made only a couple of close friends but now am realising that they’re not so nice and don’t seem to really care about me...
my classes are very small and, although it sounds a bit judgemental hahaha, there’s no one i really feel comfortable enough in my classes to be friends with because i feel like i’d either judge them or they’d judge me :/. i’m fed up of being alone... during my lunch and my frees i go to the library etc and do my work while everyone else has fun, and i know it’s a good thing to be doing work but it’d be nice to have someone to talk to about it at least...
i know that there are other people in my position, and i know that the people who moved to my sixth form don’t know anyone either - it’s a small school -, but i also have a lot of anxiety regarding speaking as i had a speech impediment when i was younger. i have no idea how to talk to people??? there’s one boy who i see alone in the school library sometimes but it’s not as it i can just talk to him as we don’t have any classes together..

sorry if this came off as super formal or something haha. somehow when i’m upset i can’t type naturally lol
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Anonymous #2
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You could try talking to that boy about what he’s doing and make conversation, doesn’t matter if you’re not in his classes. My closest friends are in none of my classes lol. I understand it can be really lonely and hard though, maybe just see if there’s someone in your class who is quiet and try and talk to them? I’m not very good at advice but just be yourself and eventually the right people will come around. I didn’t have proper friends from year 7 to 9/10 but finally I got a friendship group after this other friendship group split. Basically what I’m trying to say it it will probably be unexpected and at a random time, but it will happen and you will get someone don’t worry too much !
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Anonymous #3
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Sixth form friends come naturally, either they help you make friends through class or you have other activities you can get involved in. But in due time you’ll find the right people. Its better to have real friends than fake ones
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pantagathus
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I had a similar experience to you, where I just withdrew into myself at your age and had no friends. At university there will be whole new opportunity to make friends as everyone will be in the same boat as being strangers and away from home. Until then, for your own mental health I think it is important you have at least one person you speak to at school even if only on a casual basis. I understand that you suffer anxiety, I was also the same but I agree you should try to talk to the boy in the library. You could start a conversation, based on what books he is reading, talk about what classes you are taking. For me, I always had problems with approaching or integrating into groups but find that I get along with individuals much easier. Friendships made in libraries are the best kind. Also please think again about the close friends you think don't care about you. I had similar situation in year 10 where I pushed people away. I regret it now as I realise that the idea these people did not care about me was my own invention, really it was a symptom of my anxiety and self-hatred. Could this be a pattern in your life, and the reason you haven't fostered/ maintained close friendships? I spent the entirety of year 10 and year 11 in the library and computer room. I got great grades at GCSE but my sense of isolation and social awkwardness carried on throughout sixth form and university as I repeated a pattern of pushing people away.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i’ve recently started feeling like i’ve wasted my childhood as i don’t have any memories with close friends like everyone else seems to do, and i’ve never really been close to anyone aside from my mum, who has said that she’s experienced the same thing as me, for as long as i can remember.
i moved to the school that i’m at now in year 10 and made only a couple of close friends but now am realising that they’re not so nice and don’t seem to really care about me...
my classes are very small and, although it sounds a bit judgemental hahaha, there’s no one i really feel comfortable enough in my classes to be friends with because i feel like i’d either judge them or they’d judge me :/. i’m fed up of being alone... during my lunch and my frees i go to the library etc and do my work while everyone else has fun, and i know it’s a good thing to be doing work but it’d be nice to have someone to talk to about it at least...
i know that there are other people in my position, and i know that the people who moved to my sixth form don’t know anyone either - it’s a small school -, but i also have a lot of anxiety regarding speaking as i had a speech impediment when i was younger. i have no idea how to talk to people??? there’s one boy who i see alone in the school library sometimes but it’s not as it i can just talk to him as we don’t have any classes together..

sorry if this came off as super formal or something haha. somehow when i’m upset i can’t type naturally lol
Ugh I hated sixth form for the same reason and you feel like you stand out even more when the classes are small because there are less people to hide behind/less people to make friends with even if you wanted to.

I would recommend talking to the boy you see in the library, you might have something in common there. Start by asking if it's alright if you sit opposite him and then ask if he knows where a certain book is, or how to use the printer (make it up if you do know how to use it, as long as he hasn't seen you use it ). That will break the ice, then eventually when you've plucked up the courage to make conversation, tell him early on that you've got a speech impediment so you've resulted to sitting alone because you're scared people will judge you for it. Maybe he'll have a similar reason for sitting on his own
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Anonymous #1
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thanks everyone for your responses!!
(Original post by pantagathus)
I had a similar experience to you, where I just withdrew into myself at your age and had no friends. At university there will be whole new opportunity to make friends as everyone will be in the same boat as being strangers and away from home. Until then, for your own mental health I think it is important you have at least one person you speak to at school even if only on a casual basis. I understand that you suffer anxiety, I was also the same but I agree you should try to talk to the boy in the library. You could start a conversation, based on what books he is reading, talk about what classes you are taking. For me, I always had problems with approaching or integrating into groups but find that I get along with individuals much easier. Friendships made in libraries are the best kind. Also please think again about the close friends you think don't care about you. I had similar situation in year 10 where I pushed people away. I regret it now as I realise that the idea these people did not care about me was my own invention, really it was a symptom of my anxiety and self-hatred. Could this be a pattern in your life, and the reason you haven't fostered/ maintained close friendships? I spent the entirety of year 10 and year 11 in the library and computer room. I got great grades at GCSE but my sense of isolation and social awkwardness carried on throughout sixth form and university as I repeated a pattern of pushing people away.
it nice to know that i'm not the only one who's felt this way .
there are people who i talk to in classes, but its as though i always feel uncomfortable talking to them? like theres a kind of boundary between us and i know that i'm being cold to them.. like i don't ask them questions or speak as much as they do, and so i can understand why they wouldn't want to talk to me outside of class.
out of the couple of people that i am friends with at school, i'd say that i'm only really close to one of them as i never really see the other. she has a boyfriend now though, and he's nice, but i always feel like a third wheel hahah. i know it's not really her fault, but i feel more alone when i'm with both of them than when i'm actually alone...
i've always had a huge fear of people not liking me, so i guess i probably am just making up the idea that people don't like me as you've said, but there was one time when i was sitting with her and a few other people and they were making fun of someone with a nasally voice, and i have a huge complex(??) about how i speak from when i was younger.. like, i had a speech impediment, and i guess i don't really anymore, but i try not to speak too much or too loudly so that no one can notice me messing up. but anyway, because i saw her mocking someone else's speech, i'm terrified that she thinks the same of me :/. i don't feel all that comfortable talking to her anymore, and so i want to make new friends but, because its a small school, everyone knows each other already aside from the like... 5 new people haha...

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ugh I hated sixth form for the same reason and you feel like you stand out even more when the classes are small because there are less people to hide behind/less people to make friends with even if you wanted to.

I would recommend talking to the boy you see in the library, you might have something in common there. Start by asking if it's alright if you sit opposite him and then ask if he knows where a certain book is, or how to use the printer (make it up if you do know how to use it, as long as he hasn't seen you use it ). That will break the ice, then eventually when you've plucked up the courage to make conversation, tell him early on that you've got a speech impediment so you've resulted to sitting alone because you're scared people will judge you for it. Maybe he'll have a similar reason for sitting on his own
yeah definitely i guess i actually had a few more friends (or acquaintances?? we only really spoke about school work haha) in years 10/11 than i thought i did then, but they've all moved to a sixth form college, so i feel a bit left behind..
i've only seen him doing schoolwork in the library, and theres usually only a few people there, so i feel like it'd be a bit awkward to ask if i can sit at the same table as him when there are so many free and when he's busy. i know that i'd like it if someone were to come and talk to me though, and i know that i shouldn't just wait around for it to happen and should try and make conversation first but, if i were able to do that, i wouldn't have made this thread haha - when i speak to new people my mind just blanks and i end up saying nothing :/.
i wouldn't say still have a speech impediment - i had speech therapy when i was a kid -, but i still speak quietly as a result of it. i've spoken to my friend's boyfriend, and he said that he always though i was really quiet, which upset me a bit i guess because i really wish i wasn't. i wish i was someone who could laugh at jokes and hang out with people, but, as i've said about, i feel like theres this boundary between me and everyone else and i regret that i've felt this way for so long.
in my op i mentioned that my mum's felt the same way since she was young, and so i feel depressed knowing that i'm probably destined to feel this way forever too, as edgy as it sounds haha...




my mum's spoken to a gp about these feeling for me - i'm too afraid to talk to them myself lol - so i guess if i get a diagnosis or something i can try and get better help?? i think they're just waiting to see whether i feel this way short or long term. i also have a counsellor atm but i haven't felt any improvements yet :/ has anyone ever been able to stop feeling so afraid to speak to people???
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Anonymous #1
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above* oops
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Anonymous #5
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I can kind of relate to how you are feeling. When I started at college there were 20 of us on the course and only 4 people who actually knew someone else. We didn't speak for the first 3 weeks unless we were asked to by a teacher, because we were all scared we would be laughed at for something. This was the same at break and lunch when a group of us stayed inside with earphones in. There's a girl on my course who I'd stand near at the station but neither of us spoke because we were both too nervous too, until one day the trains got cancelled and we got chatting and now we walk from college and get on the train together. The following days we did group activities which obviously meant we had to speak to others and from there we all just started talking and we now all get on really well with each other.

It may take time to make friends but it will eventually happen, either in class or during break or lunch. It may be really nerve-wracking to go and approach him, but he could feel the exact same way you do and like others have said, just ask if you could sit with him or something else to break the ice and conversation should flow from there.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thanks everyone for your responses!!

it nice to know that i'm not the only one who's felt this way .
there are people who i talk to in classes, but its as though i always feel uncomfortable talking to them? like theres a kind of boundary between us and i know that i'm being cold to them.. like i don't ask them questions or speak as much as they do, and so i can understand why they wouldn't want to talk to me outside of class.
out of the couple of people that i am friends with at school, i'd say that i'm only really close to one of them as i never really see the other. she has a boyfriend now though, and he's nice, but i always feel like a third wheel hahah. i know it's not really her fault, but i feel more alone when i'm with both of them than when i'm actually alone...
i've always had a huge fear of people not liking me, so i guess i probably am just making up the idea that people don't like me as you've said, but there was one time when i was sitting with her and a few other people and they were making fun of someone with a nasally voice, and i have a huge complex(??) about how i speak from when i was younger.. like, i had a speech impediment, and i guess i don't really anymore, but i try not to speak too much or too loudly so that no one can notice me messing up. but anyway, because i saw her mocking someone else's speech, i'm terrified that she thinks the same of me :/. i don't feel all that comfortable talking to her anymore, and so i want to make new friends but, because its a small school, everyone knows each other already aside from the like... 5 new people haha...


yeah definitely i guess i actually had a few more friends (or acquaintances?? we only really spoke about school work haha) in years 10/11 than i thought i did then, but they've all moved to a sixth form college, so i feel a bit left behind..
i've only seen him doing schoolwork in the library, and theres usually only a few people there, so i feel like it'd be a bit awkward to ask if i can sit at the same table as him when there are so many free and when he's busy. i know that i'd like it if someone were to come and talk to me though, and i know that i shouldn't just wait around for it to happen and should try and make conversation first but, if i were able to do that, i wouldn't have made this thread haha - when i speak to new people my mind just blanks and i end up saying nothing :/.
i wouldn't say still have a speech impediment - i had speech therapy when i was a kid -, but i still speak quietly as a result of it. i've spoken to my friend's boyfriend, and he said that he always though i was really quiet, which upset me a bit i guess because i really wish i wasn't. i wish i was someone who could laugh at jokes and hang out with people, but, as i've said about, i feel like theres this boundary between me and everyone else and i regret that i've felt this way for so long.
in my op i mentioned that my mum's felt the same way since she was young, and so i feel depressed knowing that i'm probably destined to feel this way forever too, as edgy as it sounds haha...




my mum's spoken to a gp about these feeling for me - i'm too afraid to talk to them myself lol - so i guess if i get a diagnosis or something i can try and get better help?? i think they're just waiting to see whether i feel this way short or long term. i also have a counsellor atm but i haven't felt any improvements yet :/ has anyone ever been able to stop feeling so afraid to speak to people???
Hmm okay maybe asking to sit there wouldn't work then haha He might be thinking the exact same, that he'd like someone to come over and talk to him but he's to afraid to make the first move himself, and that's where it gets difficult sometimes. I sometimes find it more difficult to make friends with introverts (even though I am an introvert/socially anxious person myself), because extroverts keep the conversation flowing. But maybe he'll be more bubbly once the ice has been broken, who knows (sorry idek if this is helping yet haha!)

I think that at some point your adrenaline will kick in and you'll just think 'f*** it' and just do it, that tends to be the break through, I just don't know when this will be for you yet. Try just a smile to start with if you haven't already?

Don't worry about the joking around with people, because eventually you will find someone you have something in common with and you'll bounce off eachother once you find that person. I feel alone myself sometimes because it seems there aren't many people like us in real life, as nobody is brave enough to admit that they are quiet and struggle to speak to people But you're not alone, I can assure you, because I'm like you, and you seem like you could have a dry and awkward humour that is actually really endearing and refreshing to a lot of people if you manage to let loose

I feel that you'll come out of your shell a bit more once you've got a job. This helped boost my confidence a lot because you're usually surrounded by people who are mature and happy to help, so you could consider that to start yourself off?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hmm okay maybe asking to sit there wouldn't work then haha He might be thinking the exact same, that he'd like someone to come over and talk to him but he's to afraid to make the first move himself, and that's where it gets difficult sometimes. I sometimes find it more difficult to make friends with introverts (even though I am an introvert/socially anxious person myself), because extroverts keep the conversation flowing. But maybe he'll be more bubbly once the ice has been broken, who knows (sorry idek if this is helping yet haha!)

I think that at some point your adrenaline will kick in and you'll just think 'f*** it' and just do it, that tends to be the break through, I just don't know when this will be for you yet. Try just a smile to start with if you haven't already?

Don't worry about the joking around with people, because eventually you will find someone you have something in common with and you'll bounce off eachother once you find that person. I feel alone myself sometimes because it seems there aren't many people like us in real life, as nobody is brave enough to admit that they are quiet and struggle to speak to people But you're not alone, I can assure you, because I'm like you, and you seem like you could have a dry and awkward humour that is actually really endearing and refreshing to a lot of people if you manage to let loose

I feel that you'll come out of your shell a bit more once you've got a job. This helped boost my confidence a lot because you're usually surrounded by people who are mature and happy to help, so you could consider that to start yourself off?
hey, sorry for the late reply!! you don’t exactly need to help, i know the sort of things that are wrong with me but it feels good to at least get it off my chest on here.. it almost feels as though what i’m experiencing isn’t real if i don’t tell anyone?? i reckon that’s probably why people bring each other down a lot...

i’m back at college now, sitting in a lesson without the teacher and only a couple of other students, but listening to their conversations makes me uncomfortable... they’re all talking about smoking, partying etc, or about people in my year who i don’t know, but, because i’m an introvert and have missed out on a lot of growing up, i still kind of have the innocent ideas that’s i did when i was 12...

i feel like i can’t really relate to anyone in my school... it’s a rough area and, even the people who i can relate to, i have nothing to talk to them about. my friends all have people in their lives who are more important to them than i am, and i’m okay with that- that’s normal- but it’s just lonely... when i speak to people i can see them losing interest, and so my confidence in talking to people is very low...

i think it’s a good idea for me to get a job, volunteer or something like that, but it’s obviously difficult with covid and im really behind on schoolwork so i wouldn’t have the time...

you don’t have to reply to this again either! i don’t want to burden you with anything, and i know that the only thing that can really help is seeing my gp or finding ways to boost my confidence. i know that i don’t want to change my personality either really... i don’t want to smoke, party or do anything that my peers do, and so i guess i’ll just have to power through with this until uni.

sorry that this is a long post, and please excuse any of my mistakes, i’m in class haha
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hey, sorry for the late reply!! you don’t exactly need to help, i know the sort of things that are wrong with me but it feels good to at least get it off my chest on here.. it almost feels as though what i’m experiencing isn’t real if i don’t tell anyone?? i reckon that’s probably why people bring each other down a lot...

i’m back at college now, sitting in a lesson without the teacher and only a couple of other students, but listening to their conversations makes me uncomfortable... they’re all talking about smoking, partying etc, or about people in my year who i don’t know, but, because i’m an introvert and have missed out on a lot of growing up, i still kind of have the innocent ideas that’s i did when i was 12...

i feel like i can’t really relate to anyone in my school... it’s a rough area and, even the people who i can relate to, i have nothing to talk to them about. my friends all have people in their lives who are more important to them than i am, and i’m okay with that- that’s normal- but it’s just lonely... when i speak to people i can see them losing interest, and so my confidence in talking to people is very low...

i think it’s a good idea for me to get a job, volunteer or something like that, but it’s obviously difficult with covid and im really behind on schoolwork so i wouldn’t have the time...

you don’t have to reply to this again either! i don’t want to burden you with anything, and i know that the only thing that can really help is seeing my gp or finding ways to boost my confidence. i know that i don’t want to change my personality either really... i don’t want to smoke, party or do anything that my peers do, and so i guess i’ll just have to power through with this until uni.

sorry that this is a long post, and please excuse any of my mistakes, i’m in class haha
I've been busy too so no worries haha! It's okay, feel free to vent - if talking about it helps you out then I'm happy to read and reply to you
In a way you've had a lucky escape here then, because smoking, partying and gossiping about other people isn't always the right thing. There's no problem in not being into things like that, and I'm sure you have plenty more hobbies etc that you can be talking about with the right person when you feel comfortable.

I can totally relate to everything you're saying, nobody ever has time for me either, and it's going to get worse when everyone has left school. I can guarantee you that most of these people will lose contact when school is over, and they'll be in the same position as you just later on down the line.

Please whatever you do don't try to change who you are, you're different and that's okay, it just takes time to be able to accept it. Once you're at university you will either accept how you are but gain confidence from being thrown into the deep end, or you'll be a completely different person entirely because it's a whole new world at university. There is much more maturity and plenty to talk about because you're all in the same new boat in a new environment, so everyone will be dying to get to know everyone

You are absolutely not a burden, feel free to keep talking on here because I don't want you to feel alone! I am the same as you, and, if anything, it's reassuring to hear from someone with the same problems
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I've been busy too so no worries haha! It's okay, feel free to vent - if talking about it helps you out then I'm happy to read and reply to you
In a way you've had a lucky escape here then, because smoking, partying and gossiping about other people isn't always the right thing. There's no problem in not being into things like that, and I'm sure you have plenty more hobbies etc that you can be talking about with the right person when you feel comfortable.

I can totally relate to everything you're saying, nobody ever has time for me either, and it's going to get worse when everyone has left school. I can guarantee you that most of these people will lose contact when school is over, and they'll be in the same position as you just later on down the line.

Please whatever you do don't try to change who you are, you're different and that's okay, it just takes time to be able to accept it. Once you're at university you will either accept how you are but gain confidence from being thrown into the deep end, or you'll be a completely different person entirely because it's a whole new world at university. There is much more maturity and plenty to talk about because you're all in the same new boat in a new environment, so everyone will be dying to get to know everyone

You are absolutely not a burden, feel free to keep talking on here because I don't want you to feel alone! I am the same as you, and, if anything, it's reassuring to hear from someone with the same problems
hi! thank you for responding again!!

things have been a bit better since monday... i've started speaking to a couple of people in one of my classes, and i actually somewhat feel like i fit in with them i'm still not 100% - i had a small little panic attack last night about going in today -, but i think that once i realise that college isn't always so bad, i'll get a bit better... i've started to shake a little when i talk to people, but i think that that's something i'll get over too once i get more confident.

thank you again for replying haha, it's definitely reassuring for me too to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way
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Jdjdjdjdjd
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(Original post by pantagathus)
I had a similar experience to you, where I just withdrew into myself at your age and had no friends. At university there will be whole new opportunity to make friends as everyone will be in the same boat as being strangers and away from home. Until then, for your own mental health I think it is important you have at least one person you speak to at school even if only on a casual basis. I understand that you suffer anxiety, I was also the same but I agree you should try to talk to the boy in the library. You could start a conversation, based on what books he is reading, talk about what classes you are taking. For me, I always had problems with approaching or integrating into groups but find that I get along with individuals much easier. Friendships made in libraries are the best kind. Also please think again about the close friends you think don't care about you. I had similar situation in year 10 where I pushed people away. I regret it now as I realise that the idea these people did not care about me was my own invention, really it was a symptom of my anxiety and self-hatred. Could this be a pattern in your life, and the reason you haven't fostered/ maintained close friendships? I spent the entirety of year 10 and year 11 in the library and computer room. I got great grades at GCSE but my sense of isolation and social awkwardness carried on throughout sixth form and university as I repeated a pattern of pushing people away.
This here. At a new sixth form, everyone has already made group and known each other for 5+ years, so they aren't very open to meeting new people. At university, EVERYONE will be trying to talk and meet as many people as possible. Work hard for your A-levels and don't stress it.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
hi! thank you for responding again!!

things have been a bit better since monday... i've started speaking to a couple of people in one of my classes, and i actually somewhat feel like i fit in with them i'm still not 100% - i had a small little panic attack last night about going in today -, but i think that once i realise that college isn't always so bad, i'll get a bit better... i've started to shake a little when i talk to people, but i think that that's something i'll get over too once i get more confident.

thank you again for replying haha, it's definitely reassuring for me too to know that i'm not the only one who feels this way
Aw thats so good to hear! the hardest bit is breaking the ice, and sometimes it takes that bit of adrenaline to just go for it, which is pretty hard to come by but it sounds like you've made it so good for you! Your confidence will grow once you've become more comfortable with them, by then you'll be able to show your true self and you'll be so glad to be able to go to college with no worries

I'm always here for people like us as I know how hard it is, and I still get the same feelings as you even though I've improved massively since working in retail, so just feel free to just keep venting on here whenever you want and ill hopefully respond at some point
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Aw thats so good to hear! the hardest bit is breaking the ice, and sometimes it takes that bit of adrenaline to just go for it, which is pretty hard to come by but it sounds like you've made it so good for you! Your confidence will grow once you've become more comfortable with them, by then you'll be able to show your true self and you'll be so glad to be able to go to college with no worries

I'm always here for people like us as I know how hard it is, and I still get the same feelings as you even though I've improved massively since working in retail, so just feel free to just keep venting on here whenever you want and ill hopefully respond at some point
thank you again!! hehe

i think that, when i feel bad again, i might give this thread a read. it gives me some hope for the future
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you again!! hehe

i think that, when i feel bad again, i might give this thread a read. it gives me some hope for the future
Hahaha you're welcome! definitely, you've now proven that you're capable and this thread will remind you of that, and, if you can't bring yourself to do that its okay - don't ever put yourself down for who you are and embrace being alone if that makes you more comfortable, as putting stress on yourself will only make things mentally harder. You're not alone
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