Sex with boyfriend

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
Hello,

I've wanted to have sex with my bf for a while now, we've been dating for almost a year. Yes I know it's corona time but we were thinking of having sex after all of this. I want to know what it feels like and I also want to go to the next level of intimacy with him. The only thing that's holding me back is that I don't want to regret it (I'm 17 and he's 18 - he's gone to uni in Scotland and I'm in east anglia) and I don't want to risk getting pregnant or having the extra responsibilty of using contraception - A Levels sure do keep you busy!!. I do love him, and he loves me but we're young and I don't think either of us fully know what love is yet.

Of course he's going to tell me that he's not in it just for sex, and that things won't change after having sex. He says flattering things and cute things like if he's dirty talking me a scenario, it usually includes something about starting off slowly bc he's worried it'll hurt me. I appreciate it and this sounds harsh but I'll believe it when I see it.

People may think I just don't trust him with things regarding sex which is a valid opinion, but in all fairness I let my guard down to him with everything apart from sex. I'm from a somewhat conservative asian family where I've been brought up with the idea that losing virginity is a big thing and you should only lose it to someone you're going to marry. I realise that it's a bit extreme...

People who aren't virgins anymore, after losing your virginity did it change anything between you and your partner or just life in general?

Anyone have any input/advice?
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ashtolga23
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Your reasons for taking this step are very sweet and natural, but I'm worried you haven't thought out how responsible you should be? If you want to prevent pregnancy then there really needs to be some form of contraception. The pill could be an easier option in the moment as a condom can slow things down, but you'd have to remember to take it regularly. The injection is also an option if you'd prefer, but I believe it's less foolproof. The implant is fairly common too but I wouldn't recommend it to a virgin as I've heard pretty unpleasant things about it (not to scare you off, but I wouldn't get it myself).

I think it would be odd if he's been dating you for a whole year just for the purpose of sex. It seems as though it would be much easier to believe that he genuinely loves you and cares for you. You know him best, but that's my initial instinct.

That idea of virginity is quite lovely to me, even though some might think it's a little extreme. It's a nice thought. This is very much your decision though and not your family's, so if you think it's right then I think you should go for it.

Personally I'm not sure too much changed apart from feeling closer to my boyfriend, but that might just be me. I've heard a lot of accounts of people "feeling different" afterwards, but I don't think this applies to everyone. To me it's just about emotional connection and pleasure.

Good luck and stay safe. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
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Itsme1400!
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Girl get yourself somme contraception it's worth it, I'm onn the implant and never had a partner before this one and nothing bad happened to me, it doesn't make a difference if u are a virgin when u get it or not, a lot of the stories are myths from people it didn't work for but honestly u just get it and forget about it so no extra responsibility!
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Anonymous #2
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Heya,
I currently have had the implant for about a year, I've had no issues or noticeable changes apart from my periods pretty much stopping.
I had sex with my boyfriend after like just under 2months with him? It was a bit soon but I just knew I wanted to make that step with him. I didn't feel that different afterwards and didnt bleed or anything, but I did feel like I was a lot closer with him I guess. (Sorry for being vague i just dont remember it that well). We're still together now and it's all good, we've improved a lot of communication and I definitely felt more intimate but I also think that comes with time anyway?
Good luck, and trust your feelings about it, if you wanna wait, wait, if you dont, dont, just make sure you use contraception : )
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ashtolga23)
Your reasons for taking this step are very sweet and natural, but I'm worried you haven't thought out how responsible you should be? If you want to prevent pregnancy then there really needs to be some form of contraception. The pill could be an easier option in the moment as a condom can slow things down, but you'd have to remember to take it regularly. The injection is also an option if you'd prefer, but I believe it's less foolproof. The implant is fairly common too but I wouldn't recommend it to a virgin as I've heard pretty unpleasant things about it (not to scare you off, but I wouldn't get it myself).

I think it would be odd if he's been dating you for a whole year just for the purpose of sex. It seems as though it would be much easier to believe that he genuinely loves you and cares for you. You know him best, but that's my initial instinct.

That idea of virginity is quite lovely to me, even though some might think it's a little extreme. It's a nice thought. This is very much your decision though and not your family's, so if you think it's right then I think you should go for it.

Personally I'm not sure too much changed apart from feeling closer to my boyfriend, but that might just be me. I've heard a lot of accounts of people "feeling different" afterwards, but I don't think this applies to everyone. To me it's just about emotional connection and pleasure.

Good luck and stay safe. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.
Oh no I meant as in if I was ever going to have sex, I'd definitely get contraception no question! It's just that if have to sneak out of the house to get it because my parents both told me not to have sex at this young age. Thank you so much for the advice, it's really helpful!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Itsme1400!)
Girl get yourself somme contraception it's worth it, I'm onn the implant and never had a partner before this one and nothing bad happened to me, it doesn't make a difference if u are a virgin when u get it or not, a lot of the stories are myths from people it didn't work for but honestly u just get it and forget about it so no extra responsibility!
That does sound quite good...have you ever used the patch before?
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Adz2042
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I'd wait till you turn 18, and yes, you will be quite far for university, but meet up halfway and spend a weekend together.
Sheffield / Manchester or even somewhere on the coast in that area is roughly halfway between Scotland and East Anglia.

Best case scenario: Spend the moments you have together, and support each other through university. Facetime / Video chat each day (give or take) and commit to plans to meet each other halfway at least once a month. You could have the planned sex then after a nice romantic break away rather than feel rushed to do it before you both leave for university.

Worst case scenario is you both have sex, the parents find out, you're in trouble for that, and your boyfriend then declares that the relationship is to end because of the long distance, and you can no longer commit to seeing each other regularly.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Adz2042)
I'd wait till you turn 18, and yes, you will be quite far for university, but meet up halfway and spend a weekend together.
Sheffield / Manchester or even somewhere on the coast in that area is roughly halfway between Scotland and East Anglia.

Best case scenario: Spend the moments you have together, and support each other through university. Facetime / Video chat each day (give or take) and commit to plans to meet each other halfway at least once a month. You could have the planned sex then after a nice romantic break away rather than feel rushed to do it before you both leave for university.

Worst case scenario is you both have sex, the parents find out, you're in trouble for that, and your boyfriend then declares that the relationship is to end because of the long distance, and you can no longer commit to seeing each other regularly.
He's been at university for 3ish months now, I'm going to uni next september

Thanks for the advice!!!!
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candydiva
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Hi sweetie, after I lost my v-card things were much better! He was very cautious about condom use and gave me a lesson on how to use them safely. I had a lot of confidence coz he was older and had tons of experience. I hope u can have similar confidence tho' from wat u say above it doesn't seem so. Somebody has to be patient and careful. Sex is amazing when u can fully have confidence and totally lose urself in the experience with someone who knows how to handle it but if u are feeling guarded and not 100pc trustful of his patience and care then it won't be. Most ppl don't seem to have that kind of xperience first time or even for some time afterwards. But watever, be careful and u should assume the burden of responsibility for contraception.
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