Boyfriend picked up a shift on Christmas + wants to spend New Years with friends.

Watch
Teagz
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hi there,
So my boyfriend of 9 months decided to pick up a 3 hour shift on Christmas Day, so he just told me we can't spend time together over Christmas because of that. Then he also told me that he is going on a week or so vacation with all his single mates over New Years. He leaves on boxing day and thinks he will be coming back on the 2nd-3rd. None of the others going have girlfriends or partners.

We lived together over the covid lockdown periods, and I bus down to see him frequently. I'm just a little hurt that he would decide to pick up a 3 hour shift instead of spend time with me or his family on Christmas day. Also 3hours is not the whole day, Im not sure why I cant bus down and see him for a couple hours before or after work?

The New Years thing kind of hurts because he knows New Years is a big thing for me. The 31st was my grandmothers birthday and traditionally we'd have a large family gathering with all the extended relatives and everyone would bring their partners, etc. But we had to move to a different country and recently my grandmother died. So the last year or so New Years has been a really sad and sombre time for me as I have been all alone. This year I was really looking forward to doing ANYTHING with my boyfriend. Hell, I wouldn't have minded being the sober person while him and his mates drink themselves silly.

Idk what to do. I obviously don't want to be controlling. But I'm upset that he has booked out his entire 25th-3rd Holiday period without even thinking of trying to spend any of that time with me.
He sees these friends atleast once or twice a week too. Its not as if he hasnt seen them much.

Can anyone give me any advice please?
Thanks
0
reply
Theloniouss
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
Have you asked about going down to see him on Christmas?
0
reply
Apachecow
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
I don't think busses run on Christmas day

Someone has to work Christmas day in a number of businesses - it's usually well paid. What if he's done the decent thing and let a mother spend Christmas Day with her kid by taking her shift? That's a good thing to do.

He's entitled to spend new year with mates, although it would have been better to discuss with you.

2020 has been a funny year - have your Christmas together on a different day. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.
0
reply
Teagz
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by Theloniouss)
Have you asked about going down to see him on Christmas?
Ye he said I couldn't come down. I asked why and he couldn't give me a reason.
0
reply
Teagz
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by Apachecow)
I don't think busses run on Christmas day

Someone has to work Christmas day in a number of businesses - it's usually well paid. What if he's done the decent thing and let a mother spend Christmas Day with her kid by taking her shift? That's a good thing to do.

He's entitled to spend new year with mates, although it would have been better to discuss with you.

2020 has been a funny year - have your Christmas together on a different day. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.
Hi there, yes of course, I agree!

What hurts is that he didn't think to see if we could even spend half a day together over that holiday period even though he knows it's important for me.
We were both free over that week and a bit holiday period and I just hoped maybe we could spend one day together?

He works as a minimum wage bartender. A 3 hour shift isn't going to be much and the people he works with are also young, so if one of them wants it off it's likely to be spending time with a partner.
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#6
Report 4 weeks ago
#6
(Original post by Teagz)
Hi there,
So my boyfriend of 9 months decided to pick up a 3 hour shift on Christmas Day, so he just told me we can't spend time together over Christmas because of that. Then he also told me that he is going on a week or so vacation with all his single mates over New Years. He leaves on boxing day and thinks he will be coming back on the 2nd-3rd. None of the others going have girlfriends or partners.

We lived together over the covid lockdown periods, and I bus down to see him frequently. I'm just a little hurt that he would decide to pick up a 3 hour shift instead of spend time with me or his family on Christmas day. Also 3hours is not the whole day, Im not sure why I cant bus down and see him for a couple hours before or after work?

The New Years thing kind of hurts because he knows New Years is a big thing for me. The 31st was my grandmothers birthday and traditionally we'd have a large family gathering with all the extended relatives and everyone would bring their partners, etc. But we had to move to a different country and recently my grandmother died. So the last year or so New Years has been a really sad and sombre time for me as I have been all alone. This year I was really looking forward to doing ANYTHING with my boyfriend. Hell, I wouldn't have minded being the sober person while him and his mates drink themselves silly.

Idk what to do. I obviously don't want to be controlling. But I'm upset that he has booked out his entire 25th-3rd Holiday period without even thinking of trying to spend any of that time with me.
He sees these friends atleast once or twice a week too. Its not as if he hasnt seen them much.

Can anyone give me any advice please?
Thanks
What country are you in and he is going on holiday over the NY? What about CV19?

I dont know. I think its boring to have to remind them to be considerate.
He has obviously made a choice and will use it against you, rather than get upset, then I would take a break from him and make your own plans. He must lack any for of self awareness if he doesnt realise the impact on you for both dates. One maybe ok, but both seems to put you in a non considered situation.
0
reply
LovelyMrFox
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#7
Report 4 weeks ago
#7
Id be a upset too, most people probably would be. This seems inconsiderate.
Speak to him about it, tell him you are disappointed that he hasnt left any time for the two of you to spend time together.
0
reply
Teagz
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by 999tigger)
What country are you in and he is going on holiday over the NY? What about CV19?

I dont know. I think its boring to have to remind them to be considerate.
He has obviously made a choice and will use it against you, rather than get upset, then I would take a break from him and make your own plans. He must lack any for of self awareness if he doesnt realise the impact on you for both dates. One maybe ok, but both seems to put you in a non considered situation.
I'm in New Zealand.
He is still in New Zealand for his holiday, but going further South. At the moment Covid is pretty much gone in NZ so it's not much of a problem.

Ye, I start feeling like a b*t*h when I have to ASK him to do little things and he turns around and calls me controlling. I'm fine with him spending all his time and money on his friends, I just wanted a day with him over the holidays because they mean a lot to me.
0
reply
999tigger
Badges: 19
#9
Report 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by Teagz)
I'm in New Zealand.
He is still in New Zealand for his holiday, but going further South. At the moment Covid is pretty much gone in NZ so it's not much of a problem.

Ye, I start feeling like a b*t*h when I have to ASK him to do little things and he turns around and calls me controlling. I'm fine with him spending all his time and money on his friends, I just wanted a day with him over the holidays because they mean a lot to me.
I would make no mention of it to him as you will be accused. Let his actions be all his own.
Make up your mind.
If he was going away at NY, then imo you would spend Christmas with the gf or if he had a shift as well, then maybe do it to buy a Christmas present i.e not to have a selfish reason for it. If he is happy to do things as they are see him and then reconsider it. Meanwhile start planning Christmas based on you without him. You dont need him to have a good time. It should help you see the balance of the relationship more clearly.

Btw if you are sleeping with him , then you can decide you dont feel like it and see whether his concern is for you or himself. The 3hr thing is no excuse really, so I would have a serious think about whether you want to be with such a person.
Last edited by 999tigger; 4 weeks ago
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Teagz)
Hi there,
So my boyfriend of 9 months decided to pick up a 3 hour shift on Christmas Day, so he just told me we can't spend time together over Christmas because of that. Then he also told me that he is going on a week or so vacation with all his single mates over New Years. He leaves on boxing day and thinks he will be coming back on the 2nd-3rd. None of the others going have girlfriends or partners.

We lived together over the covid lockdown periods, and I bus down to see him frequently. I'm just a little hurt that he would decide to pick up a 3 hour shift instead of spend time with me or his family on Christmas day. Also 3hours is not the whole day, Im not sure why I cant bus down and see him for a couple hours before or after work?

The New Years thing kind of hurts because he knows New Years is a big thing for me. The 31st was my grandmothers birthday and traditionally we'd have a large family gathering with all the extended relatives and everyone would bring their partners, etc. But we had to move to a different country and recently my grandmother died. So the last year or so New Years has been a really sad and sombre time for me as I have been all alone. This year I was really looking forward to doing ANYTHING with my boyfriend. Hell, I wouldn't have minded being the sober person while him and his mates drink themselves silly.

Idk what to do. I obviously don't want to be controlling. But I'm upset that he has booked out his entire 25th-3rd Holiday period without even thinking of trying to spend any of that time with me.
He sees these friends atleast once or twice a week too. Its not as if he hasnt seen them much.

Can anyone give me any advice please?
Thanks
If he can’t give you a legit reason as to why you can’t come and see him just before or after Christmas then he’s not worth it. It sounds dramatic but to me that just proves where his loyalties and priorities lie, especially since it’s such a special time of year.

Fair enough if he wants to work, it’s good money on Christmas Day. But if he truly cared he would have made an effort to spend time with you around that. Seems to me like he doesn’t care at all. **** that
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Should there be a new university admissions system that ditches predicted grades?

No, I think predicted grades should still be used to make offers (672)
33.67%
Yes, I like the idea of applying to uni after I received my grades (PQA) (848)
42.48%
Yes, I like the idea of receiving offers only after I receive my grades (PQO) (385)
19.29%
I think there is a better option than the ones suggested (let us know in the thread!) (91)
4.56%

Watched Threads

View All