Am I the only person who feels like this ...

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Anonymous #1
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Does anyone feel like they havent made any friends at uni.

I have people I chat to etc, but always feel as if i am the outsider as i have been left out of activities they have been doing together twice now.
Having been at uni for a month now I feel like I have secured some friends, however I feel it is all a bit superficial.

Does anyone else feel like this?
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Does anyone feel like they havent made any friends at uni.

I have people I chat to etc, but always feel as if i am the outsider as i have been left out of activities they have been doing together twice now.
Having been at uni for a month now I feel like I have secured some friends, however I feel it is all a bit superficial.

Does anyone else feel like this?
Yes yes and hell yes, this exact thing happened to me. I was always the one that made the effort to sit with other people and nobody ever wanted to initiate sitting next to me. I made the effort at the start of year 1 to find a large enough group of 'friends', sat with them and then they made a group on facebook messenger and went on a night out and spoke about their plans with me sat at the table with no clue about it, even though I helped them all with uni work when I could.

Don't think that it's superficial until they ditch you like mine did, that's all I can advise Anxiety plays a nasty trick on your mind when you find nice people, but until they give you a reason to seclude yourself, try your best to keep the building on the friendship
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
Yes yes and hell yes, this exact thing happened to me. I was always the one that made the effort to sit with other people and nobody ever wanted to initiate sitting next to me. I made the effort at the start of year 1 to find a large enough group of 'friends', sat with them and then they made a group on facebook messenger and went on a night out and spoke about their plans with me sat at the table with no clue about it, even though I helped them all with uni work when I could.

Don't think that it's superficial until they ditch you like mine did, that's all I can advise Anxiety plays a nasty trick on your mind when you find nice people, but until they give you a reason to seclude yourself, try your best to keep the building on the friendship
they went out on two pub crawls together without me, didn't even tell me they were goin, just feel quite ostrasized to be honest. like u, i help them with work, study with them etc, just feel a bit used tbh. (probs wouldn't have wanted to go on the pub crawls anyway cos of covid but it would hav ebeen nice to have been offered instead of them all just sneeking off without me!). makes me laugh how they then come sit with me in lectures and chat but exclude me from their conversations etc. why sit with me if you are going to ignore me!. glad im not the only one feeling this way.
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
they went out on two pub crawls together without me, didn't even tell me they were goin, just feel quite ostrasized to be honest. like u, i help them with work, study with them etc, just feel a bit used tbh. (probs wouldn't have wanted to go on the pub crawls anyway cos of covid but it would hav ebeen nice to have been offered instead of them all just sneeking off without me!). makes me laugh how they then come sit with me in lectures and chat but exclude me from their conversations etc. why sit with me if you are going to ignore me!. glad im not the only one feeling this way.
Oh bless you, that sucks. Are these just people on your course, flat/house mates or both? The thing is, though, if you say no to helping them it's just gonna look even worse on you isn't it haha Do they come and sit with you when they've got nobody else? That's what used to happen to me, you're definitely not alone. If you're comfortable enough, just use them as acquaintances to get you through the day because I personally found more self confidence in myself by just accepting the isolation and owning it by not caring about people who don't matter.
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Anonymous #2
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Hey!! I feel the exact same. I’ve just moved to London for uni and it’s really hard. It’s as if everyone’s already go their own cliques. Where are you guys at uni?
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey!! I feel the exact same. I’ve just moved to London for uni and it’s really hard. It’s as if everyone’s already go their own cliques. Where are you guys at uni?
I'm not at uni anymore, but I went to York Lived there for a year and found it so bad that I ended up moving back home and commuted for 2 hours everyday haha
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
Oh bless you, that sucks. Are these just people on your course, flat/house mates or both? The thing is, though, if you say no to helping them it's just gonna look even worse on you isn't it haha Do they come and sit with you when they've got nobody else? That's what used to happen to me, you're definitely not alone. If you're comfortable enough, just use them as acquaintances to get you through the day because I personally found more self confidence in myself by just accepting the isolation and owning it by not caring about people who don't matter.
aww, thx u, u've made me feel loads better.
they are not always in my modules as majority of them are doing joint honours whereas i am single honours however when the 4 people are in another module, the gal who is in all of my modules will come and sit with me and be real friendly, however when we are all in another module together, she'll act like i dont even exist, they all act as if i don't exist. the only time they seem to remember me exisintg is when they need help with assignments or want to copy my notes if they miss a lecture.
might just sit on my own today as my lecture is in 30 mins and 'own the isolation' as you say. its just annoying as they'll come and sit with me but not talk tome!. i might just sit at the end of the lecture aisle so they cant sit with me or go up to another friendship group and ask to sit with them (this may be difficult tho as everyone seems very cliquey)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey!! I feel the exact same. I’ve just moved to London for uni and it’s really hard. It’s as if everyone’s already go their own cliques. Where are you guys at uni?
im at kent, wbu
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
aww, thx u, u've made me feel loads better.
they are not always in my modules as majority of them are doing joint honours whereas i am single honours however when the 4 people are in another module, the gal who is in all of my modules will come and sit with me and be real friendly, however when we are all in another module together, she'll act like i dont even exist, they all act as if i don't exist. the only time they seem to remember me exisintg is when they need help with assignments or want to copy my notes if they miss a lecture.
might just sit on my own today as my lecture is in 30 mins and 'own the isolation' as you say. its just annoying as they'll come and sit with me but not talk tome!. i might just sit at the end of the lecture aisle so they cant sit with me or go up to another friendship group and ask to sit with them (this may be difficult tho as everyone seems very cliquey)
You're very welcome

Yeah that's exactly what happened to me, they only seem to want to sit with you when they've got nobody else, because they know you as a friendly face and don't want to sit on their own because other 'cliques' won't accept them because you're past those first few weeks of getting to know everyone. You definitely shouldn't be offering your hard work to people who don't act like you even exist, they should be taking notes themselves rather than spending their time making friends/partying and getting up late, etc.

I really did feel a lot better by not associating myself with anyone in particular, and only sitting with people when I felt like it. So yeah, try turning up pretty last minute so you're unable to sit with them, or just choose to sit alone, even if it's just this once to see how you feel. Or, like you say, if you're feeling adventurous, try sitting with a new bunch of people every class to see if anyone will care to get to know you, because, especially in lectures, you're only really able to talk to the people sitting right next to you, so they'll pretty much have no option but to talk to you unless they're not worth your time
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
You're very welcome

Yeah that's exactly what happened to me, they only seem to want to sit with you when they've got nobody else, because they know you as a friendly face and don't want to sit on their own because other 'cliques' won't accept them because you're past those first few weeks of getting to know everyone. You definitely shouldn't be offering your hard work to people who don't act like you even exist, they should be taking notes themselves rather than spending their time making friends/partying and getting up late, etc.

I really did feel a lot better by not associating myself with anyone in particular, and only sitting with people when I felt like it. So yeah, try turning up pretty last minute so you're unable to sit with them, or just choose to sit alone, even if it's just this once to see how you feel. Or, like you say, if you're feeling adventurous, try sitting with a new bunch of people every class to see if anyone will care to get to know you, because, especially in lectures, you're only really able to talk to the people sitting right next to you, so they'll pretty much have no option but to talk to you unless they're not worth your time
:thumbsup:
currently in lecture, got a 15min break.
i sat on a row by myself near the front (nobody likes sitting at the front lol!) and they are sat right behind me. wouldn't even look at me as they walked in.
honestly, i dont really mind sitting on my own - got more table space tht way!
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:thumbsup:
currently in lecture, got a 15min break.
i sat on a row by myself near the front (nobody likes sitting at the front lol!) and they are sat right behind me. wouldn't even look at me as they walked in.
honestly, i dont really mind sitting on my own - got more table space tht way!
Sorry for the slow reply! That was the same for me too, only people who were late usually sat at the front haha! I'm glad they didn't prove you wrong in a way really, as now you've proven a point to yourself - they're not worth your time, and there's no need to make yourself feel uncomfortable for people who can't even look at you, especially when you can have all that table space But yeah, own it and smash your degree by working hard because they'll soon forget about eachother once this is all over
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
Sorry for the slow reply! That was the same for me too, only people who were late usually sat at the front haha! I'm glad they didn't prove you wrong in a way really, as now you've proven a point to yourself - they're not worth your time, and there's no need to make yourself feel uncomfortable for people who can't even look at you, especially when you can have all that table space But yeah, own it and smash your degree by working hard because they'll soon forget about eachother once this is all over
:gthumb: thx u, wish u went to my uni, wish i had a friend like u xx
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
:gthumb: thx u, wish u went to my uni, wish i had a friend like u xx
Aw defo, sounds like we've got a lot in common feel free to message me on here if you want/need, I'm pretty slow though so bear with xx
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
Aw defo, sounds like we've got a lot in common feel free to message me on here if you want/need, I'm pretty slow though so bear with xx
thx you xx, i had a late lecture yesterday (5pm-7pm) and two of my 'friends' sat with me sadly and said hi to me, asked if i had done the reading for the lecture and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the session whilst they chatted together. When the lecture ended one of the friends disappeared out the lecture room like lightening whilst the other friend walked out and stood outside waiting for me, as soon as i saw her, i whipped my phone out and pretended to be on the phone (sounds bad, just couldn't be bothered to chat to her when she ostrasized me for the whole lecture and sat there talking about what they were going to do for halloween and left me out). i probs sound real rude but i just don't want to surround myself / talk to people who don't seem to put in any effort to talk to me unless they are wanting to gain something out of it, i.e. notes, etc. do you think i should have spoken to her at the end seeing as she waited for me or do you think i made the right decision by ignoring her and pretending to be on the phone?
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thx you xx, i had a late lecture yesterday (5pm-7pm) and two of my 'friends' sat with me sadly and said hi to me, asked if i had done the reading for the lecture and then proceeded to ignore me for the rest of the session whilst they chatted together. When the lecture ended one of the friends disappeared out the lecture room like lightening whilst the other friend walked out and stood outside waiting for me, as soon as i saw her, i whipped my phone out and pretended to be on the phone (sounds bad, just couldn't be bothered to chat to her when she ostrasized me for the whole lecture and sat there talking about what they were going to do for halloween and left me out). i probs sound real rude but i just don't want to surround myself / talk to people who don't seem to put in any effort to talk to me unless they are wanting to gain something out of it, i.e. notes, etc. do you think i should have spoken to her at the end seeing as she waited for me or do you think i made the right decision by ignoring her and pretending to be on the phone?
5-7pm that's rough! I think it was fine to be fair, especially for the reasons you have. She probably only waited for you because her other friend needed to be somewhere and she didn't wanna look like she was on her own. It's more rude, in my opinion, to speak about their plans around you, even though they consider you to be their 'friend', and not invite you, so why should you give them the time of day if they aren't willing to reciprocate
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
5-7pm that's rough! I think it was fine to be fair, especially for the reasons you have. She probably only waited for you because her other friend needed to be somewhere and she didn't wanna look like she was on her own. It's more rude, in my opinion, to speak about their plans around you, even though they consider you to be their 'friend', and not invite you, so why should you give them the time of day if they aren't willing to reciprocate
exactly!, thx u. i've been chatting to my younger bro about all of this (he's currently in yr 11) and he thought the way i acted was childish and he said i should have spoken to her. i just didn't want to as i find it annoying how they r my 'friend' when its convenient for them but then ignore me when its not convenient. anyways .. just to add more to the story now .. one of the girls wants to get the bus back with me on our 5-7pm lectures (she probs only wants to becos its dark and safety in numbers and all tht), wht would u do, would u walk out the lecture with her and get the bus or go ahead to the bus stop by yourself and see if she gets the same bus as you. i don't walk with anyone to the bus normally.
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by Anonymous)
exactly!, thx u. i've been chatting to my younger bro about all of this (he's currently in yr 11) and he thought the way i acted was childish and he said i should have spoken to her. i just didn't want to as i find it annoying how they r my 'friend' when its convenient for them but then ignore me when its not convenient. anyways .. just to add more to the story now .. one of the girls wants to get the bus back with me on our 5-7pm lectures (she probs only wants to becos its dark and safety in numbers and all tht), wht would u do, would u walk out the lecture with her and get the bus or go ahead to the bus stop by yourself and see if she gets the same bus as you. i don't walk with anyone to the bus normally.
You should only do it if you feel it benefits you, having the one to one time with her gives you both time to get to know eachother with less pressure off the other girl, and if you're personally scared about walking back in the dark feel free to use her for it if you feel like it (she uses you for school notes so why not haha)
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eb2021ms
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(Original post by A.Peters0797)
I'm not at uni anymore, but I went to York Lived there for a year and found it so bad that I ended up moving back home and commuted for 2 hours everyday haha
what is it about york that you didnt like?
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A.Peters0797
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(Original post by eb2021ms)
what is it about york that you didnt like?
Loved the city and the uni was fine but I just didn't settle in well at all. Like I've mentioned in my other posts I'm socially anxious so I doubt that helped haha
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