Struggling with stress and mental health, should I take a gap year?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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So the past week or so, I came across the realisation that for all my 20 years of living, all or most of my problems have been due to stress, due to being emotionally abused, traumatised, bullied, teased, judged, misunderstood, etc by my family. I've been living an effective 20 years of "stress hell" and I've finally found a way to escape it.

Trouble is, I'm a month and a half into my 2nd year of university at the University of Huddersfield, and the past month + lockdown, the stress has been gushing out. Throughout all that time I've had no motivation to do work, to follow my hobbies or find new ones, to do any programming or game development, etc. And when I do try, my mind shuts off and I can't concentrate or focus. The stress-eating has gotten worse, as I'm having to take more blood tests, and having no energy + not sleeping well and napping a lot

Right now I'm around 5 weeks behind in all 3 modules, and I can't even do an hour of work a day right now, when I have an exam in 4 days and an assignment in 1 and a half weeks
I've spent some time researching, writing notes, finding evidence, etc about my stress and, even last night, I was crying so much after I realised I had never been told "I love you, you're important. I will take care of you" or at least I hadn't in such a long time that I'd forgotten. They're borderline narcissistic (at least my Dad, Grandma, etc) and disregard my mental illness (stress, Aspergers, etc) which I'm constantly struggling with.

And then I broke down even more so when I told myself "It's ok to cry. Don't hold anything back.", when in my childhood I'd be punished if I kept crying. I couldn't go 1 week for a 5-7 year period without being told off, emotionally abused, bullied, teased, and so on. My dad and family don't know they're doing something wrong, or can't conceive the thought that they're doing something wrong, so I can't train them or set boundaries.

I've booked an appointment with someone at the wellbeing centre at my university for tomorrow afternoon, I've asked my GP about it and if I could get a counseller, and overall I've been looking online to find a counsellor/therapist who might be able to help.

Stress, and my family, might be the reason why: I'm diabetic, have been hospitalised multiple times, have such a poor immune system, why I'd get random headaches between being a kid to now, or nosebleeds as a kid, why I'd sleep on the bus to school or any vehicle due to not sleeping well, why I struggled in exams due to brain fog and not remembering what I revised, why I find it hard to concentrate or focus in most tasks, why I've recently had no motivation or don't find enjoyment in my hobbies, and so many more reasons.

This is why I'm thinking of taking a gap year, though I don't know if it's possible or the repercussions of taking one. I know that if I do, it'll be like the past 6 months but so much better since I'll be freeing myself from this mess of a childhood, and 20 years of hell. I've got a lot to do - working on learning C++ for my 2nd year, giving myself programming and game development projects + learning about them (I've bought 3 or 4 Udemy courses on Game Programming, so that's plenty), etc.

I've got the student loan + maintenance loan, but this gap year will help me just focus on getting better, improving my physical, mental and emotional health, and give me time to find a part-time job when the cases in the UK aren't so sky-rocketingly high due to being at high risk.

Would this be possible, and has anyone else taken a gap year due to something like this? I'm dreading the day I have to cut my family out of my life, and it'll be the biggest decision I'll have to make in my life, but also the best decision I'll have made.
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Analyst89
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So the past week or so, I came across the realisation that for all my 20 years of living, all or most of my problems have been due to stress, due to being emotionally abused, traumatised, bullied, teased, judged, misunderstood, etc by my family. I've been living an effective 20 years of "stress hell" and I've finally found a way to escape it.

Trouble is, I'm a month and a half into my 2nd year of university at the University of Huddersfield, and the past month + lockdown, the stress has been gushing out. Throughout all that time I've had no motivation to do work, to follow my hobbies or find new ones, to do any programming or game development, etc. And when I do try, my mind shuts off and I can't concentrate or focus. The stress-eating has gotten worse, as I'm having to take more blood tests, and having no energy + not sleeping well and napping a lot

Right now I'm around 5 weeks behind in all 3 modules, and I can't even do an hour of work a day right now, when I have an exam in 4 days and an assignment in 1 and a half weeks
I've spent some time researching, writing notes, finding evidence, etc about my stress and, even last night, I was crying so much after I realised I had never been told "I love you, you're important. I will take care of you" or at least I hadn't in such a long time that I'd forgotten. They're borderline narcissistic (at least my Dad, Grandma, etc) and disregard my mental illness (stress, Aspergers, etc) which I'm constantly struggling with.

And then I broke down even more so when I told myself "It's ok to cry. Don't hold anything back.", when in my childhood I'd be punished if I kept crying. I couldn't go 1 week for a 5-7 year period without being told off, emotionally abused, bullied, teased, and so on. My dad and family don't know they're doing something wrong, or can't conceive the thought that they're doing something wrong, so I can't train them or set boundaries.

I've booked an appointment with someone at the wellbeing centre at my university for tomorrow afternoon, I've asked my GP about it and if I could get a counseller, and overall I've been looking online to find a counsellor/therapist who might be able to help.

Stress, and my family, might be the reason why: I'm diabetic, have been hospitalised multiple times, have such a poor immune system, why I'd get random headaches between being a kid to now, or nosebleeds as a kid, why I'd sleep on the bus to school or any vehicle due to not sleeping well, why I struggled in exams due to brain fog and not remembering what I revised, why I find it hard to concentrate or focus in most tasks, why I've recently had no motivation or don't find enjoyment in my hobbies, and so many more reasons.

This is why I'm thinking of taking a gap year, though I don't know if it's possible or the repercussions of taking one. I know that if I do, it'll be like the past 6 months but so much better since I'll be freeing myself from this mess of a childhood, and 20 years of hell. I've got a lot to do - working on learning C++ for my 2nd year, giving myself programming and game development projects + learning about them (I've bought 3 or 4 Udemy courses on Game Programming, so that's plenty), etc.

I've got the student loan + maintenance loan, but this gap year will help me just focus on getting better, improving my physical, mental and emotional health, and give me time to find a part-time job when the cases in the UK aren't so sky-rocketingly high due to being at high risk.

Would this be possible, and has anyone else taken a gap year due to something like this? I'm dreading the day I have to cut my family out of my life, and it'll be the biggest decision I'll have to make in my life, but also the best decision I'll have made.
You may be able to get mitigating circumstances, you may need a doctor's note for this.

You could also ask to defer your modules.

Yes I gap year could be useful to improving your physical, mental and emotional health. And I think learning programming with the opportunities available is a great idea.

You can phone these numbers if you need to speak to someone:

-The Samaritans on 116 123

-Mind, 0300 123 3393

-Saneline, 0300 304 7000, from 4.30pm-10.30pm

-The mix, 0800 808 4994, 11am-11pm

-SHOUT, text 852258, 24 hour text service
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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I've wrote a 2300+ word document to my Dad and family about all that they've done, all the stress they've caused, and asking them not to let this break the family apart, and that I'll always remember the good memories while saying goodbye to both them and the bad memories. I'll send it tonight after I've had my appointment with the wellbeing services, and I'll probably be deleting my facebook, twitter, etc and restarting tomorrow as "the past and current Dan dies, and the new and improved, stress-free Dan rises from the ashes, free from the mountain of 20 years of stress hell.

And I'm not going to go for a gap year, instead I'm going to see what I can do this year, and next year I can catch up by restarting Year 2. Right now my mental health is more important than anyone else, since up to this evening, I will have made one of the hardest decisions one can make. Cutting out my family, and saying goodbye to my village, home, etc for good. I'll still meetup in secret with my siblings and dog once or twice a year (obviously breaking down into emotions and tears whenever I do) but I'm not going to see my parents or grandma for 10-20 years, or ever again. I miss home. I miss the village. I won't even get to see the newborn baby a sibling has had, and I won't be there for Christmas or New Year for the first time in my life. It hurts so much but it has to be done...

Now excuse me as I roll into a ball in bed and sob while listening to lo-fi music
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University of Huddersfield
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So the past week or so, I came across the realisation that for all my 20 years of living, all or most of my problems have been due to stress, due to being emotionally abused, traumatised, bullied, teased, judged, misunderstood, etc by my family. I've been living an effective 20 years of "stress hell" and I've finally found a way to escape it.

Trouble is, I'm a month and a half into my 2nd year of university at the University of Huddersfield, and the past month + lockdown, the stress has been gushing out. Throughout all that time I've had no motivation to do work, to follow my hobbies or find new ones, to do any programming or game development, etc. And when I do try, my mind shuts off and I can't concentrate or focus. The stress-eating has gotten worse, as I'm having to take more blood tests, and having no energy + not sleeping well and napping a lot

Right now I'm around 5 weeks behind in all 3 modules, and I can't even do an hour of work a day right now, when I have an exam in 4 days and an assignment in 1 and a half weeks
I've spent some time researching, writing notes, finding evidence, etc about my stress and, even last night, I was crying so much after I realised I had never been told "I love you, you're important. I will take care of you" or at least I hadn't in such a long time that I'd forgotten. They're borderline narcissistic (at least my Dad, Grandma, etc) and disregard my mental illness (stress, Aspergers, etc) which I'm constantly struggling with.

And then I broke down even more so when I told myself "It's ok to cry. Don't hold anything back.", when in my childhood I'd be punished if I kept crying. I couldn't go 1 week for a 5-7 year period without being told off, emotionally abused, bullied, teased, and so on. My dad and family don't know they're doing something wrong, or can't conceive the thought that they're doing something wrong, so I can't train them or set boundaries.

I've booked an appointment with someone at the wellbeing centre at my university for tomorrow afternoon, I've asked my GP about it and if I could get a counseller, and overall I've been looking online to find a counsellor/therapist who might be able to help.

Stress, and my family, might be the reason why: I'm diabetic, have been hospitalised multiple times, have such a poor immune system, why I'd get random headaches between being a kid to now, or nosebleeds as a kid, why I'd sleep on the bus to school or any vehicle due to not sleeping well, why I struggled in exams due to brain fog and not remembering what I revised, why I find it hard to concentrate or focus in most tasks, why I've recently had no motivation or don't find enjoyment in my hobbies, and so many more reasons.

This is why I'm thinking of taking a gap year, though I don't know if it's possible or the repercussions of taking one. I know that if I do, it'll be like the past 6 months but so much better since I'll be freeing myself from this mess of a childhood, and 20 years of hell. I've got a lot to do - working on learning C++ for my 2nd year, giving myself programming and game development projects + learning about them (I've bought 3 or 4 Udemy courses on Game Programming, so that's plenty), etc.

I've got the student loan + maintenance loan, but this gap year will help me just focus on getting better, improving my physical, mental and emotional health, and give me time to find a part-time job when the cases in the UK aren't so sky-rocketingly high due to being at high risk.

Would this be possible, and has anyone else taken a gap year due to something like this? I'm dreading the day I have to cut my family out of my life, and it'll be the biggest decision I'll have to make in my life, but also the best decision I'll have made.
Hello,

Firstly I would just like to say that I hope you're okay and that you shouldn't feel alone. Mental Health is so important, and it's great that you're using this as a way to talk. This year especially has been tough, but please know there is always someone who can help.

As a student at the University of Huddersfield I would encourage you to contact the Wellbeing Services team, they have online appointments and are happy to help any student with anything they'd like to talk about.

You should also contact your course tutors and doctors if you're struggling, they can help to find a solution.

Analyst89 has also put some great contact details here to help as well, so feel free to reach out to them if you'd like to too.

You're also more than welcome to send me a DM if there's anything I can help with.

Take care,
Harriette
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