Don’t know if I’m achieving enough for my age

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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I posted before about this but I just keep getting these constant thoughts that I’m not doing well as I should be and also my mate was comparing himself to me saying he’s only a bit older but doing so much better like he’s got a gf and I’ve not and never have. I know my situation is not the worst but I feel like I need to change urgently. I just worry sometimes worry that it might be late to change. I don’t have the money to move out, Im currently saving up for a car for when I pass my test, I feel like I should have a car buy now since I’m an adult . I feel like shouldn’t be at college at this as well for my age, I don’t feel confident about it , I feel like should be working full time like every other adult and I should have my own house or at least flat with a girlfriend. I go to college and have a small job which Id rather not say but it’s not enough to get me house. I know a woman who had a kid at 19. I just compare myself to so many other people and I shouldn’t but I just do it and I want to stop.

There are days when I feel confident about myself but other times I just stop and start comparing myself to people. I just get down all the time about it when I do compare myself to people. I was talking to my uncle and he told me that he did move out till he was in his 30s so that kind of made me feel better but than my auntie moved out at 19, my parents also moved out and got married when my mum was 17. I think I do well compared to my friends because some of them haven’t had a single driving lesson but I have and I’m pretty much on the way to passing my test. It’s just I still get down about if I’m doing alright or not it happens quite often like now I’m going through that phrase.
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West1123
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Report 4 weeks ago
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Right take a breath. You didn’t actually say your age but I’ll try and give some perspective.
1.Comparing yourself - just don’t you’ll be doing better than some and worse than others you don’t know everyone’s story. As long as you are content or if not trying to do something to better yourself that’s all that matters. And happiness is so much more important than anything material.
2. Moving out - I don’t know what country your in but in a lot it’s really difficult to get on the property ladder. Here in uk it is so damn difficult and renting is dead money anyway. Renting is fine if you want but not worth breaking yourself over if your parents are happy for you to stay at home or in dorms whatever until you are ready financially.
3. College-I’m not useful as I’m doing a phd I’m a perpetual student 😂 but honestly education is not wasted if it is something you want to do you are working to educate yourself in the hopes of a better future. But I can also see the draw of wanting to work full time, it sucks being skint! But you’ve got to reassess for yourself I really don’t know enough to help.
4. Car-saving up means it’s yours it’s not like some of those that just get everything handed to them for nothing. We start driving at 17 I got lessons for presents. I did get a car for myself but that was only because I inherited some money as a child (I would much have preferred to walk and have my relative back). Some people never learn how to drive. Don’t worry about it you’re working for it be proud of yourself.
5. Girlfriend- personally I’m a straight girl so it’d be a BF for me which right now I don’t have. I’m 24 and I have only had one in the past for a couple years. It is not that big of a deal! These things find you when they’re ready and sometimes you need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can find someone. I went through a bad patch mentally and coming out of it now it makes a difference. Heck even my ex noticed I’m back to who I used to be if not happier (we’re still friends just didn’t work together).

Honestly all our journeys are different and there is no age marker for when the things you mention have to be done so give yourself a break. as long as you’re doing your best you’re doing great in my book and even baby steps is progress
Last edited by West1123; 4 weeks ago
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cocoguk
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Report 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I posted before about this but I just keep getting these constant thoughts that I’m not doing well as I should be and also my mate was comparing himself to me saying he’s only a bit older but doing so much better like he’s got a gf and I’ve not and never have. I know my situation is not the worst but I feel like I need to change urgently. I just worry sometimes worry that it might be late to change. I don’t have the money to move out, Im currently saving up for a car for when I pass my test, I feel like I should have a car buy now since I’m an adult . I feel like shouldn’t be at college at this as well for my age, I don’t feel confident about it , I feel like should be working full time like every other adult and I should have my own house or at least flat with a girlfriend. I go to college and have a small job which Id rather not say but it’s not enough to get me house. I know a woman who had a kid at 19. I just compare myself to so many other people and I shouldn’t but I just do it and I want to stop.

There are days when I feel confident about myself but other times I just stop and start comparing myself to people. I just get down all the time about it when I do compare myself to people. I was talking to my uncle and he told me that he did move out till he was in his 30s so that kind of made me feel better but than my auntie moved out at 19, my parents also moved out and got married when my mum was 17. I think I do well compared to my friends because some of them haven’t had a single driving lesson but I have and I’m pretty much on the way to passing my test. It’s just I still get down about if I’m doing alright or not it happens quite often like now I’m going through that phrase.
I used to be the same and overthink everything but you need to realise that, although it sounds cliche, everyone has their own unique path. You just have to do whatever makes you personally happy, without giving a flying **** about what anyone else is doing. If you live constantly comparing yourself to someone you'll always be miserable, because you're never gonna be the same as someone else. You are yourself, you're unique, with your own desires and goals. So what if your friend has a gf or if someone had a kid at 19? (I'm 19 and I personally don't think I'm responsible enough to take care of myself, let alone another human) Everyone has their own time for things. I honestly hate the adult life, what's the rush? Just enjoy everything along the way bc you'll end up wanting to change everything so badly that you'll end up missing out on your own life and opportunities.

Basically, yolo bro. Make the most out of everything and live for yourself, not to please others!!
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by West1123)
Right take a breath. You didn’t actually say your age but I’ll try and give some perspective.
1.Comparing yourself - just don’t you’ll be doing better than some and worse than others you don’t know everyone’s story. As long as you are content or if not trying to do something to better yourself that’s all that matters. And happiness is so much more important than anything material.
2. Moving out - I don’t know what country your in but in a lot it’s really difficult to get on the property ladder. Here in uk it is so damn difficult and renting is dead money anyway. Renting is fine if you want but not worth breaking yourself over if your parents are happy for you to stay at home or in dorms whatever until you are ready financially.
3. College-I’m not useful as I’m doing a phd I’m a perpetual student 😂 but honestly education is not wasted if it is something you want to do you are working to educate yourself in the hopes of a better future. But I can also see the draw of wanting to work full time, it sucks being skint! But you’ve got to reassess for yourself I really don’t know enough to help.
4. Car-saving up means it’s yours it’s not like some of those that just get everything handed to them for nothing. We start driving at 17 I got lessons for presents. I did get a car for myself but that was only because I inherited some money as a child (I would much have preferred to walk and have my relative back). Some people never learn how to drive. Don’t worry about it you’re working for it be proud of yourself.
5. Girlfriend- personally I’m a straight girl so it’d be a BF for me which right now I don’t have. I’m 24 and I have only had one in the past for a couple years. It is not that big of a deal! These things find you when they’re ready and sometimes you need to learn to be happy with yourself before you can find someone. I went through a bad patch mentally and coming out of it now it makes a difference. Heck even my ex noticed I’m back to who I used to be if not happier (we’re still friends just didn’t work together).

Honestly all our journeys are different and there is no age marker for when the things you mention have to be done so give yourself a break. as long as you’re doing your best you’re doing great in my book and even baby steps is progress
I’m 20 in the U.K.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by cocoguk)
I used to be the same and overthink everything but you need to realise that, although it sounds cliche, everyone has their own unique path. You just have to do whatever makes you personally happy, without giving a flying **** about what anyone else is doing. If you live constantly comparing yourself to someone you'll always be miserable, because you're never gonna be the same as someone else. You are yourself, you're unique, with your own desires and goals. So what if your friend has a gf or if someone had a kid at 19? (I'm 19 and I personally don't think I'm responsible enough to take care of myself, let alone another human) Everyone has their own time for things. I honestly hate the adult life, what's the rush? Just enjoy everything along the way bc you'll end up wanting to change everything so badly that you'll end up missing out on your own life and opportunities.

Basically, yolo bro. Make the most out of everything and live for yourself, not to please others!!
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