Anonymous #1
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We live separately now and I was on the phone with her she said she wants to buy my first car when I pass my test which I don’t know if I should accept because I’m going to be honest growing up she was quite controlling and abusive physically and emotionally. I’m on the verge of passing and will have a car in no time but should I buy myself or accept my mum paying for it?
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Anonymous #1
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Anyone?
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*****deadness
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Are you happy with paying for it yourself? If you feel like her buying it will give her opportunities to push you around then you can get a cheap one yourself, but if you're just gonna do whatever you want and not give a damn what she says, and you don't mind the shame, then I suppose you can get her to pay for it and just ignore her if she ever tells you what to do with your car saying she paid for it
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by *****deadness)
Are you happy with paying for it yourself? If you feel like her buying it will give her opportunities to push you around then you can get a cheap one yourself, but if you're just gonna do whatever you want and not give a damn what she says, and you don't mind the shame, then I suppose you can get her to pay for it and just ignore her if she ever tells you what to do with your car saying she paid for it
I happy paying myself but might have to get a lesser vehicle if I do that because of insurance but if my mum buys me one I might be able to get something decent like a Golf or something
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*****deadness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I happy paying myself but might have to get a lesser vehicle if I do that because of insurance but if my mum buys me one I might be able to get something decent like a Golf or something
If you want a decent one then you should think about anything bad that might happen. The obvious one being her pushing you around because she paid for the car. If you're happy with what she might ask, or you're happy to ignore anything she says, then it seems like it's manageable
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by *****deadness)
If you want a decent one then you should think about anything bad that might happen. The obvious one being her pushing you around because she paid for the car. If you're happy with what she might ask, or you're happy to ignore anything she says, then it seems like it's manageable
I don’t know coz social workers had to get involved about her controlling behaviour
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*****deadness
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t know coz social workers had to get involved about her controlling behaviour
Damn that sounds bad. You could just get her to pay and ignore what she wants from you, although she'll obviously be very annoyed, but it's her fault for wanting to control you
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bones-mccoy
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How controlling do you think she'll be about the car? The risk is that by letting her finance the car, it may lead her to believe that she has a right to limit which one you buy or influence what you do with it
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
We live separately now and I was on the phone with her she said she wants to buy my first car when I pass my test which I don’t know if I should accept because I’m going to be honest growing up she was quite controlling and abusive physically and emotionally. I’m on the verge of passing and will have a car in no time but should I buy myself or accept my mum paying for it?
It sounds like it could be a mistake to let her buy you a car.

My general advice is to put off buying one for as long as possible - they are a constant drain on your finances, and parking can be an issue (depending upon where you live). People often buy them with debt, and don't have leeway for repairs, or insurance increases.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RogerOxon)
It sounds like it could be a mistake to let her buy you a car.

My general advice is to put off buying one for as long as possible - they are a constant drain on your finances, and parking can be an issue (depending upon where you live). People often buy them with debt, and don't have leeway for repairs, or insurance increases.
I don’t live with her I’ll be parking on the drive where I live but she’ll probably give me a cheque for the car and I’ll collect it when I next visit
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RogerOxon
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don’t live with her I’ll be parking on the drive where I live but she’ll probably give me a cheque for the car and I’ll collect it when I next visit
It's your call, but, from what you've said, it may come with strings attached.

Is she likely to constantly remind you of who paid for it, demand that you see her more, or drive her around? How would you feel about those?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by RogerOxon)
It's your call, but, from what you've said, it may come with strings attached.

Is she likely to constantly remind you of who paid for it, demand that you see her more, or drive her around? How would you feel about those?
I might drop her off again and if she does do this I’ve paid for it stuff I’ll just either pay the car value back or sell it give her money back then buy something with my own money which might be lesser but will be from my money
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Surnia
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You could always come to a compromise by accepting a smaller sum of money from your mother to cover the difference between what you can afford and a better car, or to cover the insurance rather than the purchase price. But only if you are comfortable with this. You could start dropping hints if you go for a cheque by saying what other activities you will be able to do for yourself with a car, so basically saying you'll be busy.
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