Stuck and feeling horrible.Watch
I'd end up feeling heavy and I don't do anything, I manage to get up and brush my teeth but sometimes I don't even get that done and I feel really disgusted in my skin. Im overthinking and getting disturbing thoughts and memories that wont go away or im not thinking at all and I feel disconnected.
In the night I'd go to sleep praying I stay asleep and then in the morning Id wake up and think that if I just stay in bed everything will go away and fix itself. I do try and distract myself but I really just hate this whole mindset where i'm being really unrealistic and kind of staying in some dumb dream or belief that everything will turn out fine.
I've already said this before but on normal days I can manage to get stuff done and get out of bed because I have to but at home there's nothing. I just feel like i'm in an endless cycle of procrastinating and just existing. My ma offered to take me to a counsellor but I don't want to go to the gp because I feel embarrassed.
I think it's because of this stage of my life i'm in that's just dragging on and I can't really see the end of the tunnel.
Look after yourself as best as possible, kay?