I posted on these forums a couple times before so you probably already ‘know’ me.
My mum is a bipolar alcoholic.
My brother is an annoying bully. (Oh he bullies the cat too... do you remember?)
I’m a fat weirdo (12 stone – 5”4... yeah I’m fat!)
My dad kicked the bucket in the end of Year 7.
High school sucks for me to be honest. It’s like some sick social experiment which places children into their ‘adult’ categories. I know within these two sentences, I appear to be some cynical whiny girl which I must admit, I probably am.
Since Year 7, when my friends ditched me because they were bullied for hanging around with the weird fat girl... it began. My failing quest to make friends. I fumbled in social faux pas during year 8 and slowly progressed to ‘social appropriateness’ in Year 9. I am now in Year 10 but still have no friends.
I’ll elaborate. In year nine, I became accepted into the ‘geeky’ group (I know it’s not good to stereotype but...). It was fine at the start but I struggled to understand the way they acted. Their social rules were unpredictable, like one minute saying a certain ‘something’ was normal but the next day this ‘something’ was totally weird. Or that them liking ‘Eragon’ or ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ was totally fine but you reading Nabokov, Orwell or Shakespeare was a god forbidden sin! Their freaky jokes extended to the point when they mocked me for my mum getting ‘DLA’. One of the members, the only boy in the group, altar boy, every boy in the year dislikes him, claims that my bipolar alcoholic mother has Down’s syndrome and is in a wheelchair. This may seem like they were bullies but they did this to one another all the time. 0.o
At the end of year nine, I decided to leave the group because I was even more socially appropriate than them and some people tried to diagnose me with Aspergers Syndrome! Then I began to talk to the ‘popular group’ more, they were like distant acquaintances to be honest. I had their msn and their bebo’s but they never really liked me. Neither did the geeks either... but the geeks disliked the fact that I extended my social standings so they began to ignore me as immature children do.
The popular group, I discovered, would never really accept me as it is too late to establish social order. Even if I got thin, ‘hot’, popular and rich – I’d never quite be above the bottom of the pecking order- due to my late joining of the popularity ladder and my ‘weird’ past. I’m too poor to even afford a mobile contract and the paper round waiting list is two years long in my area *facepalm*.
In the end I’ve given up social interaction with my peers because in the end it seems like a waste of time. No group accepts me, one little bugger has a problem with me (btw I’ve tried more groups then the ‘geeks’ and the ‘populars’). With every bloody group, I don’t know why, they have one member that kicks and screams until I get kicked out. Obviously being the most recent member, I get the boot. Lovely! None of them ever interest me, so I have to act to be a fickle immature little brat to even fit in slightly. It requires a ridiculous amount of effort I can’t be bothered to put in.
However, I feel completely socially ******ed for not enjoying the company of my peers. And according to professionals, it makes me incredibly anti-social and ‘autistic’. I have to go to some idiotic ‘SEN’ meeting every single year to make small talk about my ‘targets’. It’s a place where they continuously patronize me with targets like ‘talk to my friends more’ or ‘be nicer to others’ or ‘make friends’. I just can’t associate with my peers at all! They bore the living crap out of me!
Am I a freak? Am I going to be socially ******ed and a loner for the rest of my life?
Ha... I’m probably going to die a miserable suicidal virgin. I mean ... who would want to date me never mind talk to me. My dating criteria would probably be... he has to be deaf, dumb and blind. I’m so silly and immature, I have a crush on a guy at school is so out of my league and probably gay (lol).
Why do I have to be a pathetic whiny annoying fourteen year old girl?
I mean I’m that morbid chick with a scene bag and black eyeliner with that ‘pretty’ chubby face. That’s actually what someone called me 0.o Rofl... the new Spanish kid in my class called me ‘caliente’... sarcastically obviously.
Rant over...
Wth was that about?